[andriax0x]

i am a very young mother of 4 kids. 3 different fathers and still not married. I am now 22 weeks and the further i get into this pregnancy the more freaked out i feel.I am still with the father of my last daughter who just turned 10 months. i feel i am going insane i feel so stuck and i dont know how to talk to him about it. i am terrified of what his family will think when they find out i want to give the baby up for adoption. He has 3 kids of his own with a previous relationship.this pregnancy was very unplanned i dont feel ready nor do i want another child. when i first found out i told him i wanted an abortion and he said it was up to me he just wanted me to be happy but finances werent so good and i couldnt afford an abortion,plus i wasnt quite sure i could go through with it. and ever since i found out about the pregnancy ive been contemplating adoption but i dont think hed really go for giving his child to someone. i feel so stupid everytime i try to talk to him about it because in my own mind i can find all the reasons to give the baby up but when its time to talk to him it sounds silly. i really dont want to have this baby. theres no way we can afford him or her. i feel as though getting pregnant is all im good for. having all these kids has left me no time at all to finish my education. dont get me wrong i love my children with all my heart but i eventually would like to fullfill my life with a career. and i know that if i have this baby that dream is going to get pushed back even further. to tell my fiancee i want to give this baby to someone who can love and care for him to me sounds selfish and im afraid he'll see it that way too. i suffer from depression and after the birth of my 3rd son i had post partum depression which is a very very scary thing.2 of my kids live with their father and i have the other 2. i just dont think i can go through this again. am i being selfish? and how do i tell him without it sounding horrible?
Desperate for advice,
Andria

[mlbsands]

No.. you are NOt selfish.. in fact I think placing a child for adoption is very selfLESS.. Most people that I ahve met that placed thier children did it becuase they loved that child and knew thier limits and wanted only the very best for him/her..

I saw talk to your finance more about all of your options.. talk to someone in your area about services that might help you to parent but also look more into adoption,. what your state laws are and start looking at profiles of adoptive parents.. That way you can start to see what ypu really think of adoption.. if it might be right for you and also if you decide ita right.. what kind of family you are seeking. Look into all kinds of adoption (open. closed, semi open).. and talk to people on all sides of the triad..

I would be happy to share my experiences as an adoptive mom and I would be happy to ask my son's birthmom if she would talk to you (if you would like).

Good luck and please let me know if you neef anything.

Mandy

[cnelson8611]

I kind of understand what your going through. I have 2 kids and got pregnant with a third. I thought that was all I was good for is having children.

It is a very hard decision to make. I would talk to your boyfriend more about it. Tell him why you are thinking about it. It is a very selfless thing to do. All you wish for is the best for your child.

[Jonsey]

By far are you a selfish person, what you are thinking about doing shows an act of love. You really need to have a heart to heart talk with your fiancee, he needs to be involved and needs to know your feelings. Have him be your support in deciding your options. Do you have family that would be willing to raise or adopt your child? That could also be an option. You really need to do some research, maybe talk to other birthmothers that have been in your situation. Most of all follow your own heart, only you can make that decision.


I wish you the best, during this difficult.

[bromanchik]

Placing a child for adoption is not about selflessness or selfishness. It is about doing what you feel is best for the baby and your family.You and your fiance' need to get all the information you can on the options, get some counseling, and then decide if placing your child is the best thing for all of you.Including the other children you are parenting.

There will always be others who look like they could be better parents to your baby. College educated, a bigger house, well-prepared and waiting. That doesn't mean they will be the best parents for your baby. What you need to ask yourself is this: "Can I give my baby all they need to grow up happy and healthy?"

As far as post-partum depression is concerned, please understand that this may also be something you can experience if you place. In fact, grief can complicate post-partum depression, making it's symptoms worse. The most important thing to know about post-partum depression is that it can be treated and that early treatment can be very helpful.

Besides your fiance', what other supports do you have in your life? There may be others willing to help.

Just know that placing a child for adoption is not about being selfish or selfless. The decision needs to be about what is best for all of you. Placing a child for adoption is taking a child out of his/her family of origin and placing them in another. It is a huge decision that affects not only the life of the baby but the lives of the others in the family as well. It is a decision that brings with it it's own set of losses and hard times. There is no easy answer to a crisis pregnancy.

Let me know if you want to chat. I am a birthmother and a mom. I know how hard each of them can be. I am here if you need me.

[meteor917]

i like how you put that bromanchik "its not about being selfish OR selfless" i totally agree its not about you and what others think about you. its about the you, your family, and your childs well being, mentally and physically.

[beckypie1979]

i am a hopefull adoptive parent of an iinfant one of these days and i commend you for trying not to be selfish and trying to think of your childen. there need to be more people like you

[mommieof2cuties]

I am a birthmother, and mother, I understand somewhat how you feel. I would talk more with your boyfriend and maybe even contact an adoption person or SW to help with laws in your state etc. I am sure if you decided to place you will have no trouble finding a family for your baby. But really think about what you want and what is best for you and your baby, if money is an issue look into what your state can do to help you out? My son just woke up so I have to feed him, but I wish you luck and hope everything works out, I am in an open adoption with my daughter I placed for adoption and that has really worked for all of us. We get to see her grow up and she has gotten to see my son whom is her half brother. Again something else to think about since you have other children would be an open adoption and how open you want it to be. You can PM me if you need some ears to listen

Summer

[Praying2Adopt]

What you are thinking about is far from selfish. You are thinking about doing one of the most unselfish things a mother can do for her child. I think that you really need to sit the father down and talk to him about all of these feelings. I hope and pray that all works out for you.
Do not knock yourself ever...You are courageous and brave for even thinking about adoption!