[cnelson8611]

What should I take to the hospital when in labor if I'm considering adoption? Should I take things for baby even though I don't have any right now??

[VKH]

Hi there.

When I went to the hospital I took, of course, all of my personal stuff.

For the baby I took a onsie that I wanted him to wear there and then take home for sentimental reasons.

I also took a camera to take TONS of pictures.

Hmm...I think that's about it for the baby. The hospital provides formula (if not breastfeeding), blankets, socks, pacifiers, diapers, etc.

Vanda

[Tigger27]

Yeah I just took my personal stuff for me too both times I went. I also took an outfit for each of my daughters to wear for when I left the hospital to go place them with the adoptive parents and a camera. I also gave gifts with my daughters for when they're older like I made each one of them an afghan and things. I think its up to you and how you feel about what you want to take to the hospital.

Good Luck
Anne

[Kara J]

I too would suggest that you bring all your personal belongings as well as an outfit for the baby... especially if you are "considering" adoption and haven't made up your mind. If you decide to parent you will be prepared... if not, (personally as an adoptive parent) I would have loved to bring my son home in an outfit that was chosen by his firstmother. This would serve as a momento to your son or daughter one day. I wish you the very best of luck. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers as you make this difficult decision in your life. ... Kara

[cnelson8611]

Thank you for your replies. Maybe I will take an outfit for her.

I was just afraid I would get too emotional, but I've been thinking very selfish throughout this whole ordeal and even though I try not to... I can't seem but help it.

[michelleb]

Thinking selfishly is a form of protecting yourself from what you fear you will FEEL when she is born. It is perfectly natural.
Just make sure that those selfish feelings aren't keeping you from making the wise decision in regards to whether you place her for adoption or not...that is something you need to be VERY sure of!!!

Feel free to email me if you would like to chat!
God bless you!

[Free_to_be_me]

When I had my little girl, I brought personal stuff for me-including a radio/cd player, my stuffed animal (for the ride home, mostly) slippers and comfort food. Hospital food sucks. It didn't even occur to me to bring something for the baby...I was VERY certain of my decision, though. Part of protecting myself from the hurt was avoiding baby stuff so I didn't have an outfit or anything for her. I also brought a camera.

[stacyone]

I'm an amom, so feel free to scroll right on past this, BUT... I think that the decision to place your child for adoption will have to be made all over again once the baby is born. With that in mind, do you have someone who could go get a car seat, onesies, diapers, etc, should your plans change?

The hospital does take care of just about everything while you're actually there, so you probably don't need to worry about that.

Babies need surprisingly little at first... nightgowns/onesies, formula, and blankets. And diapers... lots and LOTS of diapers!

Good luck!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Camera, camera, camera.

I am always sad when I realize how few pictures (three) I have of my daughter and me when she was ACTUALLY MY daughter. Camera, camera, camera.

In other news, stacey poses good points: Do you HAVE someone who can dart off and buy or BORROW a newborn carseat if you decide to parent while in the hospital? Do not feel pressured to place simply because you don't have things. Friends will leap to your side with hand-me-downs the minute you say you need something. Utilize that if your heart and mind are telling you to parent. Again, Stacey is right in the fact that the decision to place should be made post-birth. If only every Expectant Mother was told that! (Good job, Stacey!!)

Best of luck, cnelson.

(And, if you usually use conditioner for your hair, take that. I, for some reason, only took shampoo, so my naturally curly hair that I normally wear straight was a MASACRE of MESSY CURLS piled atop me head because I couldn't even get my brush through my hair. Oops?)

[scarlet52698]

You've already received some great advice here. Just wanted to wish you the best

[jleasterday]

Just wanted to add that our birthmother had brought a few outfits to the hospital for our dd. I have kept those for dd when she is older.

Jennifer

[AMom2Two]

Originally Posted by Kara J

I would have loved to bring my son home in an outfit that was chosen by his firstmother. This would serve as a momento to your son or daughter one day.

I just wanted to wish you some peace. I don't think you should be too hard on yourself and say you have been selfish throughout this. I don't think that is fair to you or the baby. You have a lot of things on your mind and nothing is black and white. It's not wrong or selfish to think of yourself. You will have to live within your skin for a very long time, so you better be somewhat selfish about protecting yourself and knowing what you can and can not handle.

As an amom who experienced two failed placements at birth, I want to tell you from my heart, that I'm glad I did. I'm glad those mothers kept their babies. I don't want to mother a child when her/his bmother might have wanted to do that or could have done that. Getting over that pain was hard but I did get over it. I also never brought the children home, which I am thankful for. Some acouples who have bought their children home and had to return them, never got over it.

Adoption is hard enough without the guilt on one's shoulders if you should place for any other reason besides, it's the right thing to do for YOU and YOUR BABY. Now that I have my son, I can see that this child really was the one for me and now I am at peace.

I also wanted to say that I would have loved to have an outfit from either of my children's bmothers for the child. It would have been something special to save, something special she selected just for them.

I would also make arrangements to have an infant seat available for you and check to make sure it is not on the recall list if it is not new. The hospital in which we adopted our second child from, actually checked our carseat to make sure it was not recalled.

Keep in mind that you don't have to make up your mind in the hospital. You can take the baby home and decide. There is no rush. It's better to take your time and be sure.

Good luck to you. I wish you and your baby, the very best!
Hugs,

[cnelson8611]

The great thing about the hospital here is that there is a program inside that offers carseats to borrow for ppl who do not have one, or someone who accidently has a recall seat. And after having two children in the same hospital, I know that they do provide a 'survival' pack for new parents who don't have much.

So if I do decide to parent I know I'll have help from agencies for the first day or so to get me on my feet. And most likely I will breastfeed my daughter.
But it might be nice to take a cute little "going home" outfit even if she's not going with me.
Thanks for all your advice.

[mckenna]

"Stacey is right in the fact that the decision to place should be made post-birth. If only every Expectant Mother was told that! (Good job, Stacey!!)"

one of the first things my agency told me is that in the event that i should be matched with a pbmom prior to delivery, all bparents are informed that the decsion to place is made twice, once when they decide on a family and again after birth. i was glad to hear that, because it really made me feel like pbparents were getting good counseling.

[LisaCA]

hi,

ditto what amom2two says!

cameras are great. Please have many photos (multiple rolls) taken of you by several different people. My dh can't photograph to save his life, so there's always too much sky, things aren't centered or heads are hacked off. Hand your camera to many to photog. and get many diff. copies of the same scene just in case.

as an aparent, I was thrilled to have dd dressed in an outfit that bmom had (we still have it as well as a gazillion photographs of her in it). If you have a special gift for your child, that would be great too (maybe a rattle, or something).

Our birthmom didn't want to take dd's wrist tag, so we have it. I'd encourage you to take home what you'd like to keep, don't worry about aparents. While I love the wristband, I suspect bmom will wish that she had it and will offer it back to her when she's a bit older.

If paparents will be around (and you want them around-your choice), have them take pictures of you and your child. I have a ton of dd, taken for a number of reasons. If bmom wanted to place, I wanted her to have those normal photos that everyone has. If she decided to not place, then she'd have those photos too. And they're great for me, since i can show dd just how much her first mom loved her (I have one of her breastfeeding ). I also have candids of bmom just having with her friends who stopped by (she was 15 at the time). those are great photos-she's looking at her report card, watching jerry springer, lots of fun shots, all with dd too. we gave our bmom a copy of all the photos we took that day (had them developed w/in a day and gave them the next time we met at the placement ceremony.

I want to wish you the best whatever you decide.

LisaCA