[lilmomma_trin]

HI my name is Trinity. I am 15 years old. I have a 19 month old daughter (Jessica Cole Smith). And I am 15 weeks pregnant (not sure boy or girl). Jessica's daddy left before she was born. And my boyfriend now (father of this baby) says that I should give this baby up for adoption because he cant aford another kid (he already has a 3yr old and a 1 yr old). Everyone (my mom, all my friends, my boyfriend, all of my family) they are all telling me to give this baby up for adoption. I just dont know what to do. I love Jessica so much but she is a handfull and I am not sure if I can handle 2 kids all by myself. My mom is a doctor so she is practacally never around to help me. I go to a teen mom school, so that helps me because I dont have to pay for a sitter, but my mom said that after I turn 16 and the baby is born then I need to get a job. I dont know what I am going to do. Please help I am willing to explore my options except for abortion. I just need some help. Thanks
~~~Trinity~Jessica~and Baby~~~

[pinkorbluewilld]

trinity... my prayers are with you. I hope this board is some help to you. I would do what you think is best... When are you due? If it is soon you are limited to what options you have. I can only speak as a hopeful adoptive mom ... I think it is hard to raise 2 children and your boyfriend is hopefully paying child support for both of his children.... but can you bring both children to your school? (if you can it will save the money from daycare if not then you have to factor that into the situation) Do you have to move out at 16 or just get a job? If you have to move out it MAy become harder .... but you know your situation bettter than i ... can you afford two children.... (money for food, and diapers but also emotional support). I know i may not have given you a complete answer... and i dont think anyone here actually can you have to make that decision for yourself. As for adoption you can either go to an agency or an attorney. I would also recommend you talking to someone before you make the decision. The agency most time requires it. Please pm me or email me if you need any more info about adoption. My prayers go to you and Jessica and the baby. keep us posted.
Jaim'e

[TifanyDmndPleez]

Hello. I am a birthmom. My son was born on Jan 30, 2004. Its almost been a year! My situation is obviously going to be different than yours...but I still know what you are going through. I have experienced the pain and anguish of relinquishing a child. I know what its like to have everyone telling you whats best. I know what it feels like to have an ex boyfriend who wants nothing to do with you or your child. Not to mention the physical pains that come along with being pregnancy. Anyway, what helped me the most was just remembering that I was responsible for another life. It wasnt about me anymore. I had to put my baby first. I owed that to him. Lots of people told me to keep him, lots of people told me to place him for adoption. But I think you have to be able to block out a lot of decisions that other people try to make for you and you need to make them by yourself. Of coarse make your decision based on your child's welfare. You have to put yourself aside and put this child before you, before your emotions, your wants, and needs. You have to think about the baby. You also have your other daughter to think about. Will this be in her best interest? Can you afford this baby? Will the baby be in the best environment to grow up in? Will he have positive role models to look up to? Do you want the birthfather to be in you and your child's life forever? There are tons of questions you have to ask. But remember- try to think about what your child will need. I cant tell you what the best decision is. But I know that if you make your decision based on the your baby's wants and needs instead of your own, you cant go wrong and there will be peace. Please please feel free to email me. My email is lmc618@hotmail.com Just know that you arent alone, even though you probably feel more alone than ever. Talk to me anytime!

[Nina24]

(((Trinity)))
I am sorry you are facing htis preganancy with so many obstacles, but you sound so mature and responsible that I'm sure you will eventually make the decision that is right for YOU. My advice, not as a birthmom, but just as a hopeful adoptive parent who has learned an awful lot about life here on these forums, is that you have lots of time to make your decision. So, please take that time. You have already identified your 3 basic choices to consider: 1.abortion (which you ruled out) 2.parenting or 3.making an adoption plan. It's clear that you love parenting Jessica, but it sounds like your concern is for parenting 2 young children and having to get a job. Why don't you look into the resourses that would be available to you if you choose to parent this baby? What special programs for health insurance could you qualify for? Could you get help from WIC? I'm sure it will take several phone calls, but it's important for you to see specifically how much support you'll be able to have from the state, from your mom, from the baby's father and from a job. Then why not try making a budget. You already have a good idea how much things cost for a child, but actually look at receipts, prices medical bills, etc. You might find that while things would be tight, you could make it work. Then keep learning more about adoption. Keep cahtting here with women who have been through this. They have had many different experinces and feelings about the adoption plans they have made. Just try to take it all in over the next several months. There is no need to make a decision right away. Some women try parenting first, and then if they find it is not working out for them, then they choose adoption. Even if you decide to make an adoption plan before you give birth, you will still have the chance to rethink that decision after you give birth, becuase you might not be sure of your decison until you actually hold your baby. Again, just take your time and know that no one can tell you waht is best for you and your baby. We can all only offer your our support and ideas.
Good luck Trinity,
Nina

[julegeff]

My heart goes out to you. I gave my first child up for adoptin at 23. I kept him for 6 weeks and then felt hopeless because I didn't know how I could support him financially and otherwise. I know that he has gone to a happy home. I am the one who has suffered for the past 18 years, wondering every day where he is, if he thinks of me and trying to forgive myself. There is alot more support around now than there was then (in 1986). I would suggest taking all the help you can get cos living with yourself when you lose your child can be very difficult. But the decision is yours in the end. You have to make the best decision for the child. Don't rush it.

[goldone]

Hi,my thoughts and prayers are with you.I am sure you will make the right decision about the baby.As a hopeful person to adopt a baby I know what you must be going thru.I am here if you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on.Just e-mail me and I will be here for you.

[lilspice79]

I gave up a child for adoption when i was really young and it was my 2nd child, i wasnt ready to have another one and its was the best think i could have done not only did i make a great life with my daughter my son has a great life with his adoptive partents i wouldnt have been finacially stable to take care of 2 children. On the flip side im a hopeful adopting parent but cant afford the agencys. So im living both sides of the world.


MElissa

[goldone]

[Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation]

Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

[faith2005]

Hey trinity
I have a 2 year old daughter and I became pregant with my second child it has been 3 months since I had him and placed him with his adoptive family. I know just what you are going through. My childrens father is the same but his problem was he did not take care of his daughter and did not want his son. He adventually became abusive but that is a different story in it's self. I will be praying for you!! I know it's hard to do but it is one of the most loving things you can do not just for this unborn child but for Jessica as well. Make sure that this is what you want as well not just because it is what every one else wants. Pray about it God knows what is best. What I did was make a list of every reason why I would place my son to see if they would be exzact reason for doing it and they were so try doing that it help me.

[mrsholyfield2]

[Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation]

Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

[howstay]

[Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation]

Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

[ToniToot]

Trinity,
I am an adoptee and an adoptive mom. I would imagine the decision you are going through has to be the most difficult in your life. I can tell you as an adoptee, I have never once had bad feeling against my birthparents. I can tell you as an adoptive mother, that is the most precious gift someone can give you. I hope that you find peace in whatever decision you make.

[tandtsmom]

[Edited to Remove Terms Of Service Violation]

Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers.

[BrandyHagz]

I just don't know how much more clear I can be…posting “I can help, email me” messages IS NOT ALLOWED.

I am locking this thread.