[carolinagirl829]

I just took a test the other day and it said I was pregnant. I am on birth control but just stopped taking it b/c of that. I stopped for a month and that's when I conceived. The father to be doesn't want kids period and is getting ready to go off to college and doesn't want to have to deal with it.
I am also going to college but a local community college. I'm not financially stable enough to raise a child so my only options are abortion or giving it up. Though I have heard of places for teens that are pregnant that can help you out. I don't know. Any advice?

[wendyg]

It would depend on what state your in....In washington we have maternity homes that help while your pregnant....Teach you how to parent, you should probably talk to a parent or good friend and check out all your options.
You have several roads you can chose
adoption
abortion
parenting
none of them is an easy road.
You can pm me if you like to
God bless you on your journey. In the end you will make the right choose for you and your baby.

[carolinagirl829]

I live in NC. Thank you, I'll talk to my friend. I haven't told my mom or dad yet. I might wait until my mom is off work first. THank you though, I will om you if I figure it out, or I'll write it here for everyone to know.

[adoptakid2day]

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[carolinagirl829]

What are the pros and Cons of abortion, adoption, and keeping it??

[tobeafamily]

I'd recommend you get in touch with Brenda Romanchik at Open Adoption Insight (google the name). Brenda's an adoption educator and birthmom in an open adoption. She's NOT an agency and has no 'stake' in whether you choose to terminate this pregnancy, parent or place.

Best of luck,

Regina

[emiliesfirstmom]

Hi Carolinagirl,

You asked about the pros and cons of abortion, adoption and parenting. Wow - that will be a long list. You need to first decide if you want to carry the pregnancy to term or have an abortion. That decision has to be made first before adoption vs. parenting because you have a limited amount of time in which you can have an abortion.

Abortion - A lot depends on how comfortable YOU are with abortion. We all have opinions on the subject, but how do YOU feel? Are you comfortable with the idea? Some people report that abortion is easier for them than placing a baby for adoption. Others feel guilty for having an abortion and feel like adoption would have been better for them.

Parenting - What sort of resources do you have available to you? Will your family provide financial and emotional support? What about the baby's father? Can you find a way to attend school, pay the bills and raise a baby? Are you eligible for government support? If so, would you feel okay taking it?

Adoption - How much contact are you comfortable having with the baby's adoptive parents? If you have a fully open adoption, can you handle watching the child call someone else Mommy? Are you willing to and able to let go of the child? If your adoption isn't fully open, can you handle having just pictures and letters until the child is an adult?

There are a lot of questions you have to ask yourself and a lot of thinking and researching for you to do. Feel free to ask any questions you may have - we'll help if we can. For the record, I am a birthmom in a fully open adoption. It was very difficult to place my daughter, but so far I have no regrets. Adoption, like abortion and parenting, isn't for everyone though.

[Cheahahoney]

Ashli I was a single mother most of my life and it hasnt been an easy road thats for sure.I have been off and on food stamps.I think u should tell your mother and hopefully she will help u with this it is her grandchild,I was lucky my mother helped me more than my father ever did.I come from a divorced family.I raised my daughter who is 29 now and she has had 3 children the grandmother has 2 and I have one because it was hard for her she got on drugs and met with the wrong crowd.I have had an abortion before and I wish I never did The father of this baby didnt want this baby so I was so depressed and worried I had one and til this day I regret it I live with this mistake everyday of my life.Yes it is hard but so is life and there r programs to help u take advantage of these programs but only use them as a steppin stone not a crutch.A baby is a beautiful thing and the most important thing in life is our families and our children what might be good for me might not be good for u all I am saying is dont give up have faith I could go on and on but I've walked down that road and I know that love and family is very important I couldnt chose adoption because I didnt want that baby coming back and saying why did u give me up,that I just couldnt live with but thats me I hope and pray u get what u want whatever that may be Good luck!!!!!!!! and God Bless u

[cynthia900]

Hi,

I keep trying to think of brilliant answers to your question to help you out but after I type them I realize that they are how I feel and the decisions I would make in your place.
You are the only one who can decide what is right for you. It might help to have some questions to ask yourself - that always helps me!

First, if you had the financial resources, would you want to parent? If yes, check that path out first. Financial hardship is a short term problem - community resources and/or your family could be your solution.

If you are not ready to parent or feel there are no solutions that are workable to help you parent now, then which choice seems right to you? What questions do you need answered before you can decide between them? There is lots of information and support to help you - here and in your community. Let me know anything specific you would like to know and I'd be happy to direct you - leave a message or pm me.

I wish I could help you make a simple decision out of this but the first lesson of parenthood (even at this early stage) is that it is complicated, there are no one size fits all answers and when you follow your heart you are usually right.

Hope I have helped a little,

Cynthia

[carolinagirl829]

Well I went to a pregnancy center a little earlier. Well, first I told my mom and then we went. They confirmed what we already knew, and then I was given advice and stuff. The lady said I had a good head on my shoulders and was smart for thinking ahead of time and getting everything thought out.
I think I am ruling out abortion. B/c I am 8 weeks and 3 days along. My due date is March 18th. I think I am in better shape to either take the baby on for myself or give it a good home through someone else. I know I am not emotionally stable to handle the guilt and depression I know I'll probably go through if i have an abortion. So now I have to choose whether or not I wanna keep it or find it a good home.
I won't decide anything until I tell my dad tonight and then the rest of the family.

[Cheahahoney]

Ashli I am glad u told your mom and she went to the dr's with u.I am glad u didnt chose abortion.It sounds as thou u have a good loving family.I hope u do keep your baby really I do I have sone everything possible to keep mine I have a 29 yr 19 yr old and 4 grandchildren all girls except for my 2 grandsons and I have helped with all of them.I recentley had to quit a job that I had worked so hard to keep that I went back to school to get when I was younger 18yrs I worked this job til I had to make a decision to take my granddaughter or she was going to go to foster home and u know what I said the heck with this job I only have one granddaughter 20 mos old and I quit my job to stay home and take care of her and yes it has been rough right now I'm living off her ssi of 376.00 and I ws making 42,000 a year.She was in a housefire and now has cp from the smoke thank God she wasnt burnt.But my bf has been there to help me and she is coming out of it drs say she will probably always have cp but u know what it was worth it just to see her happy little face everyday,by the way I am 46 yrs old and starting over with this little one and hey I'm probably in for a long road but I love her and all my children very much and I would do anything to keep us all together,If u need to talk email me anytime.And please let us know what u decide.Hey I may even go back to school myself to work at the hospital I'm going to be in and out of one anyway,lol good place to work and hey insurance and a paycheck is also good but until then its rough and by the way my 19 yr old her name is Ashley too

[Kara J]

You are in my thoughts and prayers... sounds like you do have a really great head on your shoulders and I know you will make the right dicision. Just follow your heart... it rarely leads us in the wrong direction! ... Kara

[emiliesfirstmom]

I'm glad your mom is being supportive for you. I think telling my parents was one of the hardest things I had to do.

Don't worry about making a decision right away - now that you have ruled out abortion, the decision of whether to place or to parent does not have to be made right away. Remember too that if you decide to place, you will have to make that decision again once the baby is born and in your arms.

Good luck talking to your dad tonight. I'll be thinking of you. Feel free to PM me or leave a message if you have any questions or just need to talk.

[carolinagirl829]

As for my father finding out. We already told my grandma and she thinks it's best to tell him in person, so we're letting her do that. hopefully all goes well. Mom took off work tonight to be with me, even though i don't really need it. I'm handling this pretty well, mainly b/c I'm not letting myself. I guess, I'm not sure why. But I'll give updates when I talk to daddy. He's off work now so that should be in another hour or so.

[carolinagirl829]

Ok... Another question now. I'm wanting more and more the keep the baby. Is there any way I can get financial aid or something or should I go to my local health department to find out? Thank you.