[Nicole28]

I'm going to ignore all of the back-and-forth banter regarding abortion, open adoption and whatever else, because this forum is NOT the place for that. (although I respect everyone who spoke up and defended adoptee's and women who had chosen to have an abortion.)

Carolinagirl - - I'm 20 years old, and I am not only an adoptee, but I have also been through an abortion. My abortion was fairly recent...I believe it was mid-March, and I was away at college, 12 hours from home. I told one friend at school and called by long-term boyfriend as soon as I got my test results. His first reaction? "I'm not ready to have a baby! You know what you have to do." I expected that reaction, and I considered what he had to say. I was 5 weeks pregnant when I found out. I made an appointment with an ob/gyn and we sat and discussed ALL of my options. I also made an appointment with a pyschologist (therapist) and did the same thing. I gave myself one week to make my decision. This was a decision I wanted to make on my own, and although I considered with my boyfriend had to say, I knew that it was ultimately up to ME. I decided after seven days that, at this point in my life, abortion was the best option for me and for the father. I felt that adoption was not the best choice for me - and because the choice you are making is a PERSONAL choice, what's best for you will be different than what is best for anybody else. Just remember that when it comes down to it, no one can tell you what to do with your own body. You may be young - but you sound like an intelligent, emotionally stable young woman who is capable of making a solid decision.

SO - - I hope that you realize that you have the capacity to make this decision, even though right now it's an emotional roller coaster. I've read all of your posts, and you sound like you are handling the situation much better than I did, and I applaud you for that! I wish you the best.

Aaaaand, because I'm an adoptee (and notoriously outspoken, hehe!) I want to give you a little idea of what my life has been like. A lot of people will tell you not to consider adoption at all, or, if they do mention adoption, they'll tell you to only consider an open adoption. People have different reasons for feeling the way they feel, but this is how I feel: being an adoptee makes me unique, special, and TWICE as loved. I am proud to be adopted. Yes, my adoption has been the root of a lot of difficult emotional issues, and as I get older I struggle with not knowing my biological family, my roots, etc. The truth is, though, I would not change being adopted. I was adopted in a very private, closed agency adoption. I have amazing parent's who love me and have given me a very special & privileged life. I have an incredible extended family. Being adopted has made me stronger.

There are pro's and con's to being adopted, just like there are pro's and con's to having an abortion or raising a baby yourself at a young age. It comes down to what works best for you.

[mj77]

"Just to get facts straight. I am not going abortion right. That post kinda made me sick. Abortion is not a route i want to go.
I think that abortion is wrong, but I believe it is a woman's right b/c it is HER body. It's kind of a coward way to get out of a situation and it'd be depriving a human of it's life. But until you are in the situation, you really don't know what your view on it is. B/c mine changed. But that's my opinion.
I am 9 weeks and 2 days along. I only have a few more weeks to decide, but my decision is final. I am not having an abortion. I want to give this child the best I can offer, whether that be with myself or in an adoptive home. I really don't know what else to say.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. So, Thank you. But let's please drop the abortion comments. Please."

Nicole28,
Carolinagirl has already sharred her feelings regarding this matter. I don't think it's fair to continue to offer her this option after she specifically says "Abortion is not a route I want to go." I understand you were sharing your own personal experience too though.

[carolinagirl829]

OK.... RIght now, I ask for everyone to stop being.... a pain. I don't mind hearing everyones opinion as long as it doesn't turn into something crazy like it has. I'm not getting any help from everyone fighting and it's only making me stressed out b/c I don't know what's to me and what's to msnclaud. Let's just put it behind us and if you want to do all that mess then take it somewhere else. This is not the place nor the time. Atleast not with me.
Thank you everyone for your opinion. That's all it is, opinion. I like that, but I don't like when it gets to the point of kinda telling me what to do. Or what I should do. I was told to avoid people who do that, whether it's intentional or not. I enjoy this board and hope it doesn't come to that.

[BrandyHagz]

Ashli,

In the end, it comes down to one thing: Education.

Educate yourself about everything, every choice and every option. Only you know what works best for you, and no one else can tell you one way or the other.

You’ve already ruled out one option, which tells me you are thinking about this and considering all your options, which is all you can do.

The best advice I have is to sit down and make a list of pro’s and con’s for each option you are considering. Talk to a pregnancy counselor, and find out what resources are available to you in your area.

No one here can tell you what the end result will be, no matter what path you choose.

The key is education and setting realistic goals. Ask lots of questions and be honest with yourself.

Adoption isn’t always the right decision, and neither is parenting. Only you can figure out which choice is right for you and your unborn child.

If you’re unhappy with the way this post is headed, then you might consider starting a new one geared towards education. You’ll find that a lot of our members are pro-education, not just pro-adoption…

[RiverGal]

I'm going to ignore all of the back-and-forth banter regarding abortion, open adoption and whatever else, because this forum is NOT the place for that.

What is this the place for? Tossing out ideas and discussing Ashli's feelings is what I thought the thread was for. This is a level-headed, intelligent young lady who is doing the best she can to explore her options and make an educated decision regarding ADOPTION or PARENTING. Since she has stated abortion is NOT an option, I would think this is NOT the place to discuss abortion experiences.

Personally, I think there has been some good information shared here in an attempt to educate Ashli on the various levels of openness, should she chose to go with an adoption plan...nobody has put any pressure on, one way or the other, instead, people have tried to be supportive and share the knowledge that they have gathered. Your comment was rude...especially considering the fact that this IS an ADOPTION forum.

Ashli ~ You have crossed another hurdle since talking to you BF's mom...excellent job, sweetie! How blessed that your mother is supportive and you have such a beautiful relationship with her. My daughter was only 16 when she had her first daughter...we walked through it together, as best friends. It was a difficult time, but drew us even closer as a family. By the way, her daughter's name is Ashlee.

(((HUGS)))

~Deb

[mj77]

Ashli,
I don't think anything is directed at MSNClaud anymore. I don't think anyone here is fighting or trying to be a pain. I think everyone here believes they are trying to help you in the only way they know how--even if we don't all agree. Don't take people's comments too seriously and stress over them. You have been given some great advice and encouragement. Pick and choose what you want to take to heart.

Melissa

[Kara J]

Ashli,
Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this tough time.... seems like you've been getting some good advice, so I won't add my 2-cents worth...lol... Just wanted you to know you're being thought of and if you need anything, please feel free to e-mail me...... Kara

[goma]

Ashli:

Just wanted to tell you that you are in my prayers. I know this decisions have an impact for the rest of our lives.

As a future adoptive mom, I tell you that I came to this forum with a lot of questions (should I keep trying to conceive even knowing I could have another miscarriate?, should I adopt? should I stay childless?) I know your decision might be harder than mine, but it is a big decision as well; very difficult mainly when you do not have the support of your close ones.

What I can tell you after what I have lived lately is that, it is convenient that you explore your options very deeply, so that you can evaluate the pros and cons of any decision. You are the only one who can and should decide at the end. It is imposible and difficult to please everyone around that gives you advice. So take the time you need!!! and if you ask for advice, at the end just listen to your heart!!!!!!!!

I wish you the best luck with any decision you make.

[Nicole28]

I did kind of contradict myself in my post, but my intentions were good - I thought that because Ashli and I were fairly close in age that I could offer some kind of "refreshing" opinion...apparently I didn't do a good job. I'm not the best with words, but I tried. It doesn't matter what any of us say on this forum, because Ashli will decide for herself in the end.

Good luck Ashli, and I'm sorry if I offended you. I hope things turn out well for you...I think I'm done checking this thread. (or at least offering my two cents...I don't like how it feels to get all kinds of backlash for sharing my opinions.)

[carolinagirl829]

No one offended me. It just got a little aggravating and confusing. I know no one meant any harm. I'm just having a rough week. Its alittle better now.

[carolinagirl829]

First doctor appointment friday.

[iwannabamommy]

Ashli,

Good luck and keep us posted on everything. Hope you are feeling a little better this week. how is the morning sickness going???

Pam

[carolinagirl829]

I'm good, a little tired from the week. Going to Charleston this past weekend kinda wore me out and got me back into my going to bed early and waking up early mode. The morning sickness is gone. Comes at random times. Nothing really big. Except when I went to a chinese restauarant with my grandparents sunday. I was as sick as a dog and if I was in the car longer than we were I would have thrown up. Thank god for me I haven't at all. But ugh, I knew I couldnt' handle chinese, and I know my grandparents love it so I sucked it up. I ate some fruits and tested some other foods just to see if I could handle it. But its all good we went for a ride to show me what alls been built since I left SC (8 years ago) which I had seen but it was nice to go again b/c i hadn't been there since my grandma died. Then when we got to the house I went straight to the bathroom and washed my face with cold water and that kinda helped me sickness feeling. After I packed and did some chores for my dad since he worked until late, Ipassed out cold on the couch. It was totally what I needed. Now all I need to do is get my dad to bring me my blankets and pillows from the storage shed b/c I can't sleep on my futon without anything more under me. I can feel the bars and it really hurts.
I know that was a whole lot and probably a little more information but I just stopped talking about my situation.

[mj77]

I'm glad you are hanging in there. And I am so glad you have a doctor's appointment made . Take care. Melissa

[carolinagirl829]

I've had it about a week now. They say they had tons of b-moms.
My ex's mom and my mom are going with me. I don't know why, just because it's my first time. They wanna take me out afterward so I guess that's why. But I told them to take me out sunday, it'll mean more.