[carolinagirl829]

I haven't read new posts since my last post, I'll read them later. But my ex's mom contacted me. She doesnt know when we can get together but told me to go ahead and tell her what I need to tell her. I don't know exactly how to tell her. I haven't told anyone, by actually saying, "I'm pregnant". Atleast not close friends and family. I know it should be easier online... i don't know what to say. She's the major person to tell and I'm cracking...

[mj77]

You talk with her with self confidence. She might start asking questions like, "are you prepared to be a mom" and so on. She might want to know how much thought you have given to being pregnant. My advice is NOT to go alone! Go with someone you trust for emotional support even if it means telling them first.

[carolinagirl829]

But I'm not going anywhere. she wants me to tell her in an email....

[RiverGal]

It sounds to me like she already has her suspicions...perhaps email is easier for her to deal with, as she doesn't have to have an immediate response. Just write it out, take a big, deep breath, and hit SEND. (Don't forget to exhale!)

I wish I was closer...I'd take you for a big bowl of chili and then we could binge on watermelon to celebrate passing yet another hurdle.

Good luck, honey! I'm with you in spirit.

(((HUGS)))

~Deb

[cynthia900]

Ashli,

You mentioned before that she has had an abortion so I would guess she would be non-judgemental. You might want to just cushion it first with something about how although you did not plan this, you have discovered that you are expecting. I would also make sure she knows how you are thinking up to now so you don't go down any path you don't want to (e-mail is actually harder than phone this way). Let her know how much her support would mean to you and that you value her advice and then ask for it (I think that is what you want from her). I think honesty is best and yet I wouldn't bring her son into it since he is not being supportive - let her do that bit herself.

But, again - you know her best and you also know what you want from this "conversation" so far you are doing great at getting support from your family so I trust that you know what to do with her too.

Good luck and cyber hugs

Cynthia (ps I crave ice cream a lot and I'm not even pg!!)

[carolinagirl829]

Well she emailed me something but I dont' remember what it was. All i know is that J is picking me up tomorrow and I'm going to go talk to her in person.

[MSNClaud]

For all those who would like rip my head off for my statement on an Abortion sometimes being viewed as kinder....

Truthfully, I was simply repeating what I have heard FROM ADOPTEES....not saying all, not saying everyone here, BUT I have been told that more than once. I know MANY adoptees who would rather have been aborted than adopted...not pleasant, not pretty, harsh, but true.

And this is something that people should know before they think adoption is all fine and dandy....sometimes it isn't..and for those whom it is suppose to be about..the children.
I think it is good to know what they are saying.

[iwannabamommy]

As an ADOPTEE and an ADOPTIVE MOTHER the few adoptees you have spoken with are a selct MINOR group. Ones who probably did not have the life THEY wanted and are now blaming that on being adopted.

I along with the 35 other poeple I have known my whole life who are also adopte dare THANKFUL and GREATFUL to be ALIVE!! We are truly GLAD that our birthmothers had the intelligence, forthright and LOVE to give us up for adoption. We are all special because we were loved so much by our parents. I know we are not alone and that you need to speak wioth more people to educate yourself about adoption.

Carolinagirl does not need to hear your opinions on abortion. And the rest of us do not need to hear about it either. I believe every woman has a choice and it is HER choice to make. Whether I believe in abortion or not does not affect how I feel about being adopted. Abortion is NOT a KINDER alternative it is a choice that only YOU can make when YOU are in that position.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and had Carolina girl not stated early on in this discussion about her feelings on abortion. I don't think so many people woul be hurt by your opinions. I think in this circumstance you need to keep your opinion on abortion to yourself and not bring it up on this thread again. For everyone's sake.

Pam

[Julie64]

Yeah right MSN Claud, I'd much rather be dead, never born, or whatever, than to be alive and who I am, duh.. thats a no brainer. I think the people you heard that garbage from have some deep issues that they need to seriously work on, instead of spuwing off and blaming their biologicalmothers, please!! So please stop bringing it here, its ludicrous thinking and this isn't the place for it on this thread.
Good luck and all the best to you Ashli. I'm glad your getting some 'real' support here.
~Julie

[BrandyHagz]

Wow, knowing my birth is the result of an abortion failure, I thank GOD every day that Dr. didn’t know what in the heck he was doing! I wouldn’t have my son, my wonderful husband, or the great friends I’ve made along the way…not all adoptees lives revolve around the fact that they were adopted, or the woman who gave birth to them…

[mj77]

MSNClaud

I too think that your source of information comes from a minority. I know many adoptees that are proud of thier uniquness, happy, successful, and definately proud to be alive. I want to make sure carolinagirl is aware, should she choose adoption for her baby, it is NOT a bad choice, it is in fact an act of love. If she should choose that path, my prayer is that the chosen adoptive parents would teach that to thier child--that their bmom placed out of an act of love for them.

I hope your meeting goes well Ashli. Keep us posted.

[carolinagirl829]

It was crazy. I was scared to death and wanted my mom soo bad. But when JT was made to leave, it was a little more comfortable. She stressed that I need to consider ALL my options and that she's behind me in any way she can...

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by mj77
should she choose adoption for her baby, it is NOT a bad choice, it is in fact an act of love. If she should choose that path, my prayer is that the chosen adoptive parents would teach that to thier child--that their bmom placed out of an act of love for them.

My prayer, should she choose to place her baby, is that she have an open adoption so that she can teach her child that herself. Growing up with a loving presence in your life is far more powerful that a secondhand story.

Carolinagirl, she sounds like a smart lady. Do not let others hopes and prayers for you (including my own) cloud your decisions. Get all the real information you can, find some stillness and listen to your heart.

[iwannabamommy]

I just have a question...why is there such a strong push for open adoptions? I am an adoptee and an adoptive mother adn both are closed. I am a very stable, intelligent, successful, loving person who has not felt abandoned by my birthmom and I know my child will not feel that way either. I know I am this strong person because of how my parents raised me.

Maybe some birthmoms (as in our sons) do not want to bea part of the child's life and want them to have a strong relationship with their family. Ultimately isn't that what adoption is all about??
A strong loving family relationship for the child and the parents.

I think should Carolinagirl decide to make an adoption plan, that she be given all of the options with unbiased information. Maybe she would only like to receive letters and photos for a while and then discuss with the adoptive parents about a meeting when she feels comfortable, or maybe ahe won't want any contact or maybe she will want letters, photos and visits.

Right now Carolinagirl has enough on her plate trying to get through each and everyday. Let her take small steps and when it comes time for the biger steps if she needs us we can all give her our opinions on the situations we have all been in. For now let's help her through talking with her ex's mom and staying as far away from him as possible so that he does not pressure her into anything she does not want.

Just my .02

[MonkeyMama]

Ashli,
Whatever your decision you make, make sure it is only your decision and not influenced by others. You were very smart to tell your Mom right away and I haven't read any further since you were also going to tell your Dad.
Having it all out in the open will help you a great deal.
It will help you be able to talk about whatever decision you choose openly with family and close friends; even in the future.
I didn't have those 'luxuries'. It was taboo in the '60s and before then.
I wish you well. I wish you health and a wonderful future!