[carolinagirl829]

I've had so much on my mind. And that's exactly how I feel. I feel like I have to make a decision now b/c everyone keeps asking me if I have made a decision. I try not to think about it. Right now I'm worrying about school and how sick I feel lately. I've come to love crackers, apple juice and my new body pillow. I'm always tired and everyone makes it seems like its a bad thing. Is it?
I read that you are really tired the first trimester. So that doesn't mean it's my fault does it? I don't know.

[mrsholyfield2]

no its not your fault that you are tired i was tired my entire pregnancy and you dont have to make a choice hun untill you are ready to.

[MSNClaud]

Ok...
The only reason why you would need to make a decision quickly is if you are still considering abortion. In which case the earlier you are the better it is.
Now as for thelong term effects of abortion vs. the long term effects of placing a child for adoption...as one whom has been there..adoption has greatly continued to effect my life much more than an abortion has.....I would say that I, and my family have suffered much more from adoption than the abortion. I will say, and have heard this out of the mouths have those adopteed, that if you do not think that you would like to parent your child, then abortion is a kinder way to go to all involved.
Now, I am sure that this will have tremendous backlash by those pro-life and wanting a child, but please consider the longterm effects of adoption before making it seem like an easy out in a difficult situation.
You need not to decide on an "adoption plan" anytime during your pregancy if you decide to carry your baby to term and you will be much better off making a clear desision if you stay very far away from those who would like you to surrender until after your baby is born. Don't talk to agencies, don't worry about adoptive parents, take care of you..and love your child. Allow yourself tpo dream big!
You can go to school, have a wonderful life, and make it all happen with the love of a chld in your life. Tough luck for the father...he can grow up and be responsible the law will make him.
And here is a great place for help:
ttp://groups.msn.com/MostLovingOption

[BrandyHagz]

he can grow up and be responsible the law will make him.

Find out what the records are in your state regarding child support…the law can make no one do anything.

My son will be ten in November, and I have had one child support check in all that time, thru wage garnishment.

If he isn’t supportive now, don’t plan on him being supportive in the future. The law can only go so far…the loopholes are big enough to park a Buick in.

However, lack of child support is not a reason to place…I just didn’t want you to think it was going to be as easy as the post above made it seem. It isn’t clear-cut like that, it rarely is. If it were, there wouldn’t be large Child Support Collection Corporations taking millions of dollars out of the hands of children every year.

I agree with the suggestion to speak to an options counselor. Agency counselors aren’t options counselors, they are adoption counselors, there is a difference.

Making an informed and educated decision is the best thing you can do for you and your baby, no matter what decision that is.

[RiverGal]

I will say, and have heard this out of the mouths have those adopteed, that if you do not think that you would like to parent your child, then abortion is a kinder way to go to all involved.

I am 100% pro-choice, but your generalized thinking is disgusting. Adoption has worked for many people...if you would like a testimony from some adoptees (including myself) who are in love with life IN SPITE OF ADOPTION, I will be glad to produce some from right here on the forum, as it seems you have been exposed to only the negative views.

CarolinaGirl ~ Like Brandy said, let whatever choice you make be based on well-informed and educated research. Listen to your heart, listen to your logic, and look for a solution that best balances out the two. There are several paths to take, and an options counselor should be able to help you ease into a workable decision.

Best of luck, sweetheart...and God bless!

~Deb

[mj77]

I too was discusted by the comment. How is abortion "kinder" than adoption?? I find the bmoms that have placed their babies with families to be extremely kind people who put the needs of their child first (as well as their needs). I think it is an extremely kind thing to place a child into a loving family and an extremely kind thing to give you child life. I do NOT believe it is kinder for these parties to have the baby's life terminated. And to think it is a kind thing to do for the mother is also false. I know many mom's who grieve to this day the loss of thier babies and regret their decisions. Just because you were able to abort and find that more kind for you does NOT mean someone else would. I think supporting the fact that Caroliagirl is understandably going through a normal confusion for her situation and empathizing with her is the best that can be done. None of us can make this decision for her. I just don't want her to make a decision that she will regret. IMO, ending a person's life as a way of ending a problem is irresponsible. Children are a lot of work but there is so much joy to be gained from them. I have not yet met a person who has their children who have regreted keeping them.

Melissa

[RiverGal]

Well said, Melissa. For those who don't know, I am also a birthmother of a 32 year old daughter. Yes...it was a very difficult decision to relinquish, but one I do not regret. She is now a happily married woman with two children of her own...two children who never would have come to be if I had chosen the "kinder" way for all involved.

Abortion is an option...granted...but "KINDER"???? I guess I miss the logic here.

~D

[wwjdmelissa]

You need to check out the Silent Scream on the internet before you think about an abortion. It is unbelievable what babies go through during an abortion. I couldn't imagine the pain of a mom after an abortion seeing what their baby just went through and now it's TOO LATE. Please check out everything you can before you make your decision. Too many people are quick to say how you can just move on with your life after an abortion. That is a lie from the pit of hell and I would hate for you to have to live with that for the rest of your life. Atleast with an adoption you can see him/her grow up with a family that couldn't have children of their own. Good luck and God Bless you!

[carolinagirl829]

Just to get facts straight. I am not going abortion right. That post kinda made me sick. Abortion is not a route i want to go.
I think that abortion is wrong, but I believe it is a woman's right b/c it is HER body. It's kind of a coward way to get out of a situation and it'd be depriving a human of it's life. But until you are in the situation, you really don't know what your view on it is. B/c mine changed. But that's my opinion.
I am 9 weeks and 2 days along. I only have a few more weeks to decide, but my decision is final. I am not having an abortion. I want to give this child the best I can offer, whether that be with myself or in an adoptive home. I really don't know what else to say.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. So, Thank you. But let's please drop the abortion comments. Please.

[RiverGal]

Ashli ~ You go, girl! It takes a lot of guts to be where you are right now, and there are a lot of us who understand.

Hey...at least you are into crackers and apple juice...I was all about large BBQ pork sandwiches and cream-soda.

Whatever choice you make, it sounds like things will be well thought out and rewarding in the longrun.

You are soooo in my prayers!

~Deb

[carolinagirl829]

Wow... you didn't help my cravings. I use the crackers and apple juice for my stomach...
I crave so many different things it's crazy. Right now I'm really really craving chilli, either my moms or wendy's (they taste the same), Um, bbq sandwhich, but it has to be this specific kind. A supreme taco from taco bell, cheese tots from sonic or cheese fries from any restaurant. ooh... nothing sweet... nevermind cheese cake. Dare i go on....

[RiverGal]

One of my biggest (besides the bbq pork) was watermelon. That wouldn't have been so bad, except it was the dead of winter, and they were few and far between.

Then came beets...strange thing was that I had always found them disgusting, and all of a sudden, I was eating them everyday.

I am not trying to torture you, but....there is a simmering pot of chili on the stove as I type this....UMMMMM!!!!!!

(((HUGS)))

~Deb

[Usagi]

Hi Ashli,

I have walked in your shoes, and I have chosen both of the options facing you - to parent and to place.

I was 17 years old when I became pregnant with my first child, a child I raised who is one of the biggest blessings of my life. It was NOT always easy, but even a childless existence is not always easy. I have NEVER regretted keeping my daughter, or the son that followed. I was young and unmarried, I had to rely on support from family and the state for a little while but it was absolutely worth it. Through the assistance programs that were available to me I was able to finish school, and receive help with daycare when I moved on to working full time.

When I became pregnant with my 3rd child and because of the circumstances surrounding her conception, I was raped by a man who wanted to force me to marry him, I found myself in a situation where I was looking at risking the physical safety of this child if I kept her. I chose to place her, so that I could KNOW that she was safe, loved and far away from a mentally unstable and dangerous man.

I don't regret making the decision to place, because it was in her best interest. However even knowing I did the right thing for her has not provided me with any comfort. I have cried an ocean and felt an unrelenting loss from the moment I walked out of the hosptial without my baby girl. I have ranted and railed against the circumstances for 18 years - and this pain does not heal, does not lessen, if anything it has grown over time.

There are many people who will try to tell you that you are not worthy to keep your child because you are 'too young' and don't have enough money, they will tell you about wonderful adoptive parents who are waiting lifetimes just to have a baby like yours and how much more than can give the child than you. They will tell you that you are 'cheating yourself' out of the years that you can be young and 'free'. Do not allow anyone to make the plight of potential adoptive parents YOUR problem. It is not.

Birthmother's are often considered "heros" right up until the moment the papers are signed. Then you are left with an aching heart, empty arms, and in many cases no one who can understand your pain. Read the Birthparent forums here. Know what you are getting into. Read the Adoptee forums here, know what the range of emotions is that they experience.

I've done both, for all the right reasons, and I've never regretted keeping my children. I have an incredible job that I'm very successful with. I have the love of a wonderful man who has taken my children under his wing and loved me and them dearly. I have 3 beautiful children who are the joys of my life. We struggled, we cried at times, we've laughed a lot more and we've loved every single day. My heart still aches for the little one I lost through adoption, and like so many others posting here I'm on pins and needles, just hoping for some word from her.

Having been where you are, and experienced both paths you could take, I felt obligated to throw my thoughts in here. My advice to you is this - don't make your decision until after you take your baby home. This decision is going to affect the rest of your life and your baby's life, either way, so don't base it on anyone's stories but your own! You have never been a mother, so don't turn your back on it until you know what it means to you personally.

Whichever road you take, I wish you a safe and happy pregnancy, a beautiful and healthy child and the peace of mind to know whichever your choice was, that it was the right one.

(BTW - I fell asleep constantly during the first trimester, I was always told it was normal!)

[carolinagirl829]

Not trying to torture me huh?? That's mean... haha. actually I craved cantalope for a while. Though what I really want a watermelon. And it's in good season for me.

[mj77]

It sounds like you are a very thoughtful lady. I am sure whatever decision you decide on will be best. As an adoptive mom, I am so thankful for my son. He is the greatest gift to us Our situation is different because the state placed him with us, not his bmom. But, we are still blessed he is our son.

I want to also say to you that you might be in a difficult situation right now at your age, but not to say you are going to be there a few years from now. There are many young moms that go to college and become successful. There are many single moms that meet wonderful men to marry that love thier children. Just because times might seem difficult now does NOT mean they will always be. There is a lot of support out there for you.

You are in the drivers seat now and get to choose what is best for your baby and you. Even if you should choose adoption, there are many options for you. Take care of yourself and please keep us posted.

Melissa