[mj77]

Ashli,

I am proud of you to make the decision to keep your baby. I know, as a mother, this is the first and perhaps biggest decision you will make in your babies life. I am glad you chose life. There are many services out there for you to help you. Do you have a Pregnancy Resourse Center in your area? It has also been called Crisis Pregnancy Center. They have a lot of information to help you out and they can help out with clothing and such for no cost to you. Parenting is not easy but it can be rewarding. The greatest stresses and the greatest joys have been parenting. I never understood them until I became a mom. I wish you the very best. If you dad does get upset, know that it is probably out of love and concern for you. It is an adjustment for everyone, but the reward can be great. Don't let money stand in your way in chosing to mother your baby. There are many services out there to help you get on your feet.

Melissa

[cynthia900]

Ashli,

Sounds like you are moving forward well! I am also glad your mom is so supportive - it is a big help. Here is a link that seems to sum up how to find out about financial resources for single moms - the pregnancy clinic can probably help you with additonal resources in your own area too. They can probably direct you to places for free maternity clothes and baby stuff etc.

http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/parenting/finances.htm You may want some more counselling too.

Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Cynthia

[LoveRiddenDad]

Hi Ashli,

You'll never regret keeping your baby alive (and that's from someone who is pro-choice). Have absolute faith that you'll make the right decision; I do. Money is a factor in raising a child, but don't let anyone bully you into giving up your child because you aren't "fiscally worthy."

However, I'd do a little research on open adoption. It's hard to go to school and raise a child and lots of people would be wonderful parents. It's not that the child will be raised without a father, but a father that actively doesn't want him/her. You can still be part of your baby's life if you choose adoption.

Above all, don't let anyone twist your arm into anything!

[jruff4]

Hi: I am a christian and know what its like to lose a child and not be able to have anymore so my husband & I decided to adopt so I hope I am not being too forward by recommending this website for you to look over (www.family.org/pregnancy/hottopics). Then click on "find prc" on the left of the screen to find a pregnancy resource center near you. They will help you get through this situation mentally, physically and most important of all, spiritually. Please take this into consideration but most of all pray about it and do what God will have you do. I will be praying for you.

[Cheahahoney]

yes they have aid for dependant children apply at your local foodstamp office for medicaid and foodstamps and cash assitance and u will be required to give all information on the father for them to help and they will also help u with child support

[carolinagirl829]

Just an update. I talked to the father. He said he didn't want me to raise it b/c he didn't want a part of it's life and cant help out since he's going to a full time university and won't have time for a job even. I don't know what I'm going to do, I'm going out to lunch with his momma tomorrow and probably telling her. Then getting her advice. She was forced into an abortion when she was my age. So, I don't know what she'll say. I'll keep you posted

[Cheahahoney]

ashli to bad what the bf wants he should of thought about that if u want your baby he has no say so about paying child support the state will make him and they will pay for whatever u need medical and food and he will have to pay them back they will send u a check every month and with him going to college he will have a good job when he gets out so do whats best for u and your baby not whats best for him ok think about u ok hun

[mj77]

I hope you don't let your baby's father push you into feeling you have to end your son/daughter's life. Don't let your decision be based on him. You will manage without him. Trust me. It will be so sad for him to not get to see his son/daughter grow up. It will be his loss. Cheahahoney is right and has given you some good advice. I can't believe this guy thinks now it's inconvient for him to become a dad. He had no problem making the baby. He seems selfish to me. You will get by fine without him. I can imagine all this must be kind of scary for you. Hang in there.

[Cheahahoney]

Also Ashli u can stay in school and when u finish school u can get a pell grant to help u thru college and give your baby a great life besides there r MEN out there that make very good fathers and would love your baby like their own and who knows later in life u may meet someone who would like to have another baby with u and u can all become 1 big happy family believe me it happens plz let us know what the baby's daddy's momma tells u to do I am curious its your decision now cause its your life and your baby's life and it is up to u to protect your child starting now

[cynthia900]

Ashli,

Congratulations on how well you are handling this difficult time. I think it is smart to take some time and talk to those close to you about your choices. I am sorry that the father is not more supportive.

What I have not heard you say yet (so hard to "hear" on e-mail!!) is what you truly want in your heart. I am sure that changes from time to time and you may need to do more soul searching to figure it out. But no matter what you choose YOU need to do what is right for you and the baby - not for anyone else. If I am reading your posts right abortion is not an option for you now so it is keeping the baby or making an adoption plan. You have time to choose.

I read some advice that I thought was wise - make the first choice about whether you are going to keep the baby or not. Do any research you need to (what support you have, what resources are available to help you, others who have done it-sounds like you are doing a great job of this). Only if you decide on adoption, then look at potential adoptive parents because there are so many families looking for babies that you will always see what they can give your baby that you can't if you start down that path too soon- and that is not the primary consideration. The first question should be are you ready and able to parent your child now (both emotionally and financially - with the available help) or would an adoption plan be better for the baby.

I hope the talk with the father's mom went well - since she has sort of been where you are maybe she can help you with perspective.

Keep strong-I hope that I am helping a little

Cynthia

[carolinagirl829]

Well lunch was cancelled... So, we're either seeing each other tomorrow or sometime next week.
BUT... Ok the things bothering me now. I'm only 17 (turning 18) I haven't really lived my life. I don't have a job yet, or a car...or a license, so that'd be hard. I have alot of things that are preventing me to have an easy life with this baby. But I have lots of support. I think more and more I'm considering adoption, only b/c it's hard enough trying to afford stuff for me, only b/c my parents are going through a divorce and momma's having to pay child support and for our schooling. But I've looked through everything everyones given me and all sorts of other things. So I don't know I still have a while to decide.

[cynthia900]

Ashli,

You have come a long way in a short time. Your thinking is certainly sound and it sounds like you do have a good head on your shoulders. I have never been in your position but I did mentor a girl who became pregnant at 15. My advice to her (which she said was helpful so maybe it will help you too!) was to picture her life after the baby was born and think about how that made her feel. For example, without a car how would she go get groceries with the baby? What would she do with the baby when she wanted to go out with her friends etc etc. Then picture your baby living with someone else and calling someone else "Mommy". How would that make you feel. In today's world of adoption you can still be connected to your baby which is a great thing but they are the child's parent. This may seem simplistic but really facing the reality of the situations you are dealing with may make your choices clearer or your decision easier. And tell me - what can I do to help you in making this decision? Anything?

By the way - you haven't said how you are doing - physically and mentally - I hope you are doing well.

Cynthia

[carolinagirl829]

I feel like I'm being smart by not letting this bring me down, or over reacting, but I feel soo pressured to make a decision, I know I have a while to make the decision, but my days seem like weeks and its just crazy. I wish school would start soon though. Anyways, I just wanted to write, b/c I can't really right anyone else.

[leenab]

Hi Ashli,
I've had friens in your situation when I was in high school. Some of them had abortions and others parented the children and still others found adoptive families for them.

Parenting:
You're doing a good job of staying calm and really thinking things through. An option for you may be to go on welfare, food stamps, WIC, section 8 housing, etc. Call your local county welfare office and ask them. Also in terms of health insurance, if you don't have any you may be able to get medicade through your state. I know a lot of times your parent's healthcare plan won't cover you after a certain age. In terms of childcare some states offer low income childcare for free or really really cheap. So you would be able to go to school part-time and work part-time and be a mother. A lot of colleges also offer on-line courses so that could be an option for you after you have the baby and need to stay home and recover for some time.

You shouldn't let finances get in the way of being a parent. Children are expensive, but there are a lot of resources out there for young mothers.

Adoption:
There are always a lot of families waiting to adopt. Families who are finacially and emotionally ready for a child and settled in life. I know a lot of people who have gone this route, as my husband and I have gone this route as well. I can tell you the absolute happiest day of my life was when my sons came home. I just love them to pieces. And there are all sorts of adoptions: open, semi-open, closed. You can choose what you feel comfortable with. You may just want photos or you may want visits or you may want just a phone call or even nothing at all. I suggest talking to an adoption counselor in your area if you're considering adoption. Or even do a search online for adoption agencies. Most of the time they have therapists who can talk to you about adoption, a lot even have support groups for women in your situation who are trying to decide whether they want to parent their child or find their child and adoptive family.

The best advice: just don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision. You're the one who has to live with the decision, not them.

Hope this helps,
LeenaB

PS. feel free to PM me if you need to. Hang in there

[iwannabamommy]

I know I sent you a private message and it seemed to have helped you out. I have been thinking about you and wanted to know how YOU are. If you need someone to talk to remember we are all here and I am here too.

You do have a while to decide, but I am sure it seems like you need to make a decision now. Don't make one in haste. Look into all of your options adn know that you will make the right one. Sometimes the answer is staring you in the face and it just takes alittle longer to realize it. Usually your gut decision is the right one.

So private message me and let me know if you need anything. Or if you just want to chat at 3 in the morning when you can't sleep.

Pam