[Davis]

I am working with Foster Parents and need your advice on how to talk with them about birth control and STD's. I respect everyone's religious or moral obligation to commit to abstience, but these kids are in need of both abstinence and contraceptive education. From my health prospective, I have to do whatever it takes to help these kids not get sick or pregnant before they can be responsible and strong parents. I am a strong believer in abstinence, but when some foster parents deny their kids their right to protect themselves, when they've made a choice to be sexual, what kind of messege is that sending to them about protecting themselves and being responsible? I could really use some insight on this. Id there anyone out there who had strong beliefs that "abstinence is the only way" but then changed your mind to help kids protect themselves? I do not want to be offensive and I really need to help these families. I appreciate any comments.

[MeggieC]

My, what a fine-line you're walking!

I'm not sure and maybe you can help me on this:

Are foster parents granted all the rights of all other parents? I assume that they are, but I'm not sure. Have you actually spoken with foster parents about getting their sexually active foster kids on birth control (well, for the females anyway)? It's perfectly fine if the foster parents feel that abstinence is the only way, but, you're right, it's not fair to the kids who have chosen to have sex. I know that alot of the children in the custody of the state where I live are a result of unplanned, unwanted pregnancies. Perhaps pointing out to the foster parents that you don't want the same cycle happening again would help.

Or. . .

You could take the kids to the health department for condoms or birth control yourself--which probably wouldn't go over too well.

Or . . .

You could distribute condoms to these kids yourself--which probably wouldn't go over too well, either.

But if you have some teenage girls who are sexually active, they need to be seen by a gynecologist. This isn't just a matter of whether she will get pregnant or not, but she could be sick and not even know it.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts--maybe some reasons why these parents need to help their kids out. Do the parents realize that these kids are having sex or do they choose to remain oblivious?

Meggie

[mj77]

In talking with foster parents (or anyone for this matter), I would be honest and state facts. Tell them what the statistics of kids having sex is, tell them about how rampid STDs are. Ask the foster parents questions that they can answer to themselves like, "If _____ is______, then_____?". Make them think ahead about talking with thier kids. Give them resourses of places that provide services or internet sites with further information. My dh took a health class and in his text book there is a chapter on STDs and it shows a picture of a penis infested with herpes. Very scary! Maybe showing graphic images isn't appropriate for you to show to foster parents but you can certainly tell them what it would be like for their foster child (or whoever) to have to deal with these things--some of which can have life-long consequenses including infertility. It does all come down to abstainence in my mind, but hard, blunt truth is very powerful.

[newMafamily]

Place the talk in the context of puberty and adolescent development. Let them know the risk of sexual activity for these children. One of the important things you need to point out are the additional risk factors of becoming sexually active that foster children may have -the impulsiveness of ADHD, the vulnerability of special needs children, the defiance of those with Oppositional Defiant disorder. The need for love and acceptance that may make them be won over by an older boyfriend who will pressure them for sex.

Provide statistics as information making them aware of how young some kids start. Let the foster parents know that every parent needs to talk to kids about STDs and pregnancy even if it they just see it as a way to scare the child into abstinence. Identify the foster parents view on birth control in general (not for teens) without getting into a moral debate so families who might have an issue with any birth control are identified. In these families adolescents at-risk to become sexually active need additional support. Also let the foster parents know any agency policies regarding adolescents birth control. THis is an area where the state may allow something they don't agree with and how will they handle that?

[MeggieC]

I was a kid who thought abstinence was the only way until I met the bfather to my daughter. It was really a high pressure situation, I thought I loved him and I thought he loved me. Wow was I wrong! You can never be sure exactly who will remain abstinent and who will not, and it doesn't matter how well you or the parents think they know this child. Not only is it a matter of informing these kids, but also helping their self-esteem so that they will know that they don't have to have sex to prove anything to anybody. Adolescents who are sexually mature are at a very volatile point in their lives and are quite unpredictable at times.

I definitely agree that this should fall under the category of puberty and adolescent development. It would be nice to think that it's something they'd get in school, but that's kind of hit or miss and even if they did, it's really something that bears repeating.