[ShortyKelly]

i am 16, soon to be 17. my boyfriend is 21 and we love eachother very much, but my mother (whom i live with and has my sole custody) does not know about it. she is verbally abusive and does not want me to see him. i may be pregnant, but either way we want to get married. i know i would have to do this without my mothers permission, and i dont know if thats possible. i know that in florida if you can verify that you are pregnant and you are underaged, you can apply for a marriage license. i know 16 is young, but i am already graduated from high school, enrolled in college, and have a job that can support me. any help would be greatly appreciated!

[LoveRiddenDad]

As a dad I think it's pretty weird a 21 y/o would date a 16 y/o... As a guy, I think it's plain crazy. At 21 I was interested in dating people over 17 because simply you have things in common. You can go clubbing, bar-hopping, see an R movie together, drink together. (21 isn't an intellectually deep age.) Why does he want to do 16 y/o things at 21? I'm not saying you're not more mature than most 16 y/o's, but you're pretty limited in terms of what you can do Saturday night.

Getting married isn't possible as a minor, except in Alabama, where you must have one parent's signature. Getting pregnant by this guy is just a crazy scheme that's unfair to a kid. Let's say your child is born with some severe disability. How do you justify that? By saying, "Because I wanted an excuse to hang out with your dad?"

If it's true love, it will wait. However, in the meantime, try this: Make a list of ten reasons you should marry the guy. Then make a list of twenty reasons you shouldn't. I'm not judging you; I just think you need to reconsider some things.

[ShortyKelly]

im not saying that im going to get pregnant so we can see eachother, but there is a big chance that i am already pregnant and i want to do what is best for the raising of the child. i was raised without the 'family' influence or both parents, and i want my child to be brought up better than that.

[stbakjj]

well shortykelly if you are preg. there are only a few options being that im old fashioned and all! keep the baby or think about adoption. you sound like you are very intelligent except for the part of sleeping with a 21yr old guy that if he really cared for you wouldnt have let that happen. now i know that you have heard all of this a million times and probably are just going to delete this but i am saying this as a mom of 5 ages 12yrs-8mo. i started my family at 19 and even though i wouldnt trade them for the world i so wish i would have waited. there are so many things that you can do especially since you are so gifted! there are so many places you can go. you could get a job anywhere or go to school anywhere if you just ask for a little help. im sorry that your family is not there to help you emotionally or physically but there must be a family friend, teacher, doctor who could help. just being a mom my heart goes out to you and if there is anything i can do or say i will. please reconsider marriage. tell me more about you so i can try and see your ways. or please talk to someone close to you that you can trust. and i dont mean another 16-17 year old!!

[MeggieC]

I have to agree with the other two posters. I will tell you what I have told other teenage girls who want to get married: Nothing anyone can tell you will prepare you for marriage. NOTHING. It is work, and problems don't just magically disappear because you get married. I got married in October and my life changed completely. My husband and I don't hang around with alot of our friends because they're not married and we don't identify with each other anymore. Plus, we're so busy just going to work, coming home, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, etc. that we don't have alot of time for hanging out--even with each other. I think we probably actually see each other less now than we did when we were dating, and we live in the same house!

Secondly, you are not the first girl to get pregnant out of wedlock. I did it. Lots of women on this website have done it. And I'd wager that most of them didn't marry the father of the baby. Sadly, love can blind us and make us believe things about other people that are either not true or dreadfully skewed (something else I've done). The age of your boyfriend concerns me. While there's nothing wrong with the fact that he's 21 and you're 16, I don't know alot of guys who are 21 that hang around with 16 year-olds. You seem quite mature, but my REAL concern is that, as you grow older, you will find your boyfriend unsatisfying. You will grow bored with him. His current behavior exhibits an immaturity that you will grow tired of (another thing I've done), and if you're really pregnant then you don't need to be taking care of two babies--one is enough to handle.

If you're really serious about marrying him, I would wait to find out if you're really pregnant first. You can learn alot about a person during your pregnancy (I sure did). Once your mood swings begin, you start gaining weight, you have to deal with morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness, water retention, the whole nine yards involved in just the pregnancy itself, he may decide that he doesn't love you as much as he says he does. And if that's the case, you're better off without him. If he isn't there for you, he won't be there for your baby. That's the long and short of it. If, after nine months, he's still hanging around, being a good father, then consider marriage. But deciding to marry someone when you're under pressure is a bad idea. Don't decide to marry him because you're too afraid to tell your mom that you're pregnant. Not only will she be upset that you've run off and gotten married, but she'll be upset that you're pregnant and you didn't tell her--which will only cause you more problems.

The simple fact that you asked the question is a good sign--but if you have to ask, then you know the answer.

Best of luck!
Meg

[LoveRiddenDad]

I didn't mean for what I said to come off as an attack against women who get pregnant out of wedlock. If Kelly is pregnant, then she does have to deal with the child. However, I wanted to add that single parent homes are not the worst thing. It's better for a child to have one stable parent than two depressed and crazy ones, and I agree with the other posters, as intelligent as you are, you'll lose interest with this fellow as immature as he seems. You need to try making out that list. I think you'll be surprised.

[2boyz1girl]

ShortyKelly,
I got pregnant and married at the age of 16. Please don't do it!!! I had been dating this guy for a year and a half by then, and thought I knew him well enough to want to be married to him. I didn't, and even if I had, we both grew up and changed. We were married for three miserable years. I agree with the earlier post -- if you are pregnant wait and see how things go before you do get married. You can't get married now w/o your Mom's consent anyway, and it sounds like she is more likely to turn him in for stagitory(sp) rape, than consent to marriage. I truly, truly wish that I had waited. I grew up in a small, very religious community and felt pressured to "do the right thing", but it wasn't the right thing at all. I know that if I had waited until I had the baby, I WOULD NOT have married this guy. If by chance it is true love, it will wait.

[baby_puppy22]

I'm totally with you ShortyKelly,
If you might be pregnant and you want to get married to the 21y/o, go for it, there are ways and means of teens (17 and under) geting married without parental concent. If you need more information and you would like to talk to me about it look at my details and send me an e-mail.

I am only 17 and i have thought about marriage many times but I am trying to work through family problems b4 I go through with my marriage thoughts!

however, I know alot about this topic as I have contacts that have supported teens in need or who want something soo badly and don't feel that they can speak with there parents!

i wish you luck shortykelly. best wishes and enjoy you life..

cheers
Rachelle

[EZ2Luv]

Relationships make babies. Babies DON"T make relationships.


ShortKelly,
All I can say is just by the your naming your post "Confused" tells me you have the presence of mind to know that marrying this 21yrold may not be the best move. If you are confused it would be best to wait until you know for sure. You have gotten some great advice from the first few posters.

EZ

[KimberlyLynne22]

In all states you would need one parents signture to get married if you are under the age of 18 unless you went to the courts to become your own legal guardian. I dont want to scare you but your parents can press charges on your 21 year old boyfriend for statutory rape.

[Catlover]

ShortyKelly,
I'll be thinking about you as you wait to see and hope to figure this out! I'm a neighbor in Georgia! And you used to be able to get married younger in South Carolina, but I'm not sure if that still holds!

That said, I agree with what many people have posted here. No one on this forum has any selfish benefit from lying to you and the advice recommended is coming from people with good intentions. Some have lived through something similar. Please listen to them.

Everything seems much more intense when you're a teen (even a mature one!). And what sometimes looks like love all too often fails the test. It's easy for a guy to say he loves you when you're sexy and cute and he's sleeping with you. I do wonder if he'll still feel that way when your body starts changing and you're moody or experiencing morning sickness?! This is when many guys hit the road, much to their pregnant girlfriend's surprise and disappointment.

It takes a LOT of work to raise a baby, and you will most likely not be able to continue with school and/or a job - much less both. That's why most people recommend you get through school first and get a job. Doing it by yourself while trying to do both of these other things will be impossible without help from someone else (or several someones!).

I'll be thinking about you and praying for you.

Good luck!

[tinksunshine524]

i know exactly what you are going through. i am in the same situation. i am also 16 about to be 17 and my boyfriend is 19. i am pregnant. the father and i know how it is to not have parents. so we have decided to get married. but we are going to mexico to get married. we both do not want our child to grow up the way we did so we are going to give this child everything we have. we have everything planned out. my parents know about him and decided that they agree with what we want to do. but the thing is i am scared. i am really scared. right now i am very scared out of mind.

[lorivera]

I was 22 when I got pregnant and got married I had my daughter when I was 23. I thought at 22 I was ready to settle down and now that I have a 19 month old and have been married for two years I wish I would have waited. You are so young and if you are pregnant you can still have the baby and be with him without being married. Maybe it will work and you can get married later, but what if he and the relationship is not what you thought it was you will be so happy that you didn't get married to him. Also a 21 Year old man has no right to be having relations with a minor. It is a big sign that he might have some issues if he cannot get someone around his own age. You may want to look closer into who he really is. I hope you figure this out and look at the bigger picture.

[Shai's Mom]

A bit of "history".. I got married at age 18 and had a daughter a year later. I really thought this was the thing to do, get married, have a family and live happily ever after. It didn't happen that way.

So, this is what I told my daughter when she was 16 (She's now 24, married for 6 months): Don't get married young. Why? Simple..

Look at yourself.. are you the same person you are now 6 years ago? Two years ago? Do you think you you'll be the same person at 18 or at 21 that you are now? Chances are you won't..

Don't marry young. You won't do yourself your boyfriend and definitely not your baby (if you really are pregnant) any favors.

Think with your head, not with your heart on this one. Be careful!!

Wishing you all the best!!

[daytonasister]

I WAS MARRIED AT 16 TO A MAN I HAD BEEN WITH FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS WE HAD A SON 7 MONTHS AFTER BEING MARRIED AND A DAUGHTER A YEAR LATER. I FEEL LIKE GETTING MARRIED AT 16 WAS A VERY BIG MISTAKE. I DID KEEP MY KIDS....TRUST ME HON....KEEP THE BABY AND BE LEARY OF THE DADDY NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE SAYS HE LOVES YOU ....YOUR CHILD WILL BE THERE WHEN HIS DADDY IS LONG GONE.....FINISH SCHOOL AND ALL BEFORE YOU TIE YOUR SELF DOWN WITH MARRIAGE....BEING A TEENAGE MOMMY IS VERY VERY HARD BUT CAN BE DONE. I DONT RALLY FOR TEEN MOMS SO PLEASE DONT THINK IM SAYING ITS OK TO BE WITH CHILD BUT IT IS OK TO KEEP THE BABY IF YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU YOURSELF WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD IN CASE THE DADDY WALKS AWAY IF YOU DONT THINK YOU CAN THEN THE BEST BET WOULD BE TO GIVE THE CHILD UP TO FAMILY THAT CAN.AND I AT 16 WAS WITH CHILD AND STILL HAD TO HAVE MY MOM SIGN FOR ME BUT THAT WAS ALSO 15 YEARS AGO....THINK BEFORE YOU LEAP SWEETIE