[foxy123]

I have recently turned 18 and i am 8 months pregnant.. i have
planned on keeping it becuase my dad was goin to take it into
custody but now i am thinking that that might not be whats best.
my boyfriend said if i keep it.. he is goin to leave me.. i dont
know if he really means it.. i just need advice.. i dont think i am
strong enough to give it up for adoption.

[lorelei2003]

Why are you having second thoughts? What makes you think you are not strong enough for adoption? I had a son when I was 18 and I knew it was the best thing not only for him but for me to give him up for adoption. I chose a half-open adoption and now 15 years later, I know I made the right decision. I was able to go to college and make a life and still know what is going on in his life. I have an 8 year old daughter now, who happens to be his sibling and I do not regret the decision I made. I have 2 beautiful children and the only difference is that I am only raising 1 of them. There is also another option in adoption, it is completely open where you are a part of your child's life. You may want to consider talking to an agency about this option.

Never think you are not strong enough for anything this world throws you way!

[goldone]

Hi,what makes you think that you are not strong enough to give your baby up for adoption?If that is how you are feeling maybe that is the best thing to do.What is your future plans for yourself?But,don't let your boyfriend pressure you into anything.If he leaves because you are haveing a baby that is part of him,,then he wasn't worth haveing in the first place.A baby is a precious thing,and,they are alot of work,but,do what you think would be best for the baby.If you don't think you can care for it like it should be,then,adoption is the best thing.By the way what are you haveing,a boy,or a girl.Hang in there and God will be with you all the way.He is always looking over us.Just ask him to guide you in the right decision.

I have p.m. you a message.
God Bless you and your baby.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

You need to follow your heart. If you want to keep your baby, then you should. It is not selfish to want to raise your child. And it is not selfish to give him or her up. It IS hard and you are right it takes a lot of strength. If you dont think you have that strength to go though it....then that is something that should be weighed while making your decision. If your dad offered to help you and that is what you want to do--then you have a great dad and YOU GO GIRL!!! But let me tell you this....do not give up your child to hold on to a man....and man who makes you choose between him and your child is SCUM OF THE EARTH!!! Search your heart and make a decision based on what you want to do....dont let him strong arm you. (AND dont let any prospective adoptive parents here try to solicit your baby(Ive heard of that happening)...it is strictly against the rules....you should report anything of that sort to a moderator...you DO NOT need that extra pressure)

((HUG))
Christine

[mj77]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. I have a HUGE problem with the way your boyfriend is treating you and your unborn son or daughter! You both deserve SO MUCH better! If you ask me, he doesn't deserve you. Sorry, don't mean to sound so harsh in this post. I just hope you will understand this. You might be going through a very scary time with so many unknowns, but it will pass and things will probably be okay.

Just an observation, and please, I don't mean anything impolite by this, but I noticed you refering to your baby as "it". It's none of my business, but have you been having trouble claiming your baby? I know you are questioning adoption and by no means want to make you feel uncomfortable but I just want to ask, if you are having touble claiming your son or daughter, why? I don't mean to sound ignorant I just would like you to educate me if this is the case.

I wish you the best,
Melissa

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I noticed that too.... I assumed she didnt know the sex....LOL! You make a good point MJ-- I hope you know that your baby is yours, and even if you end up placing...you still are entitled to claim him or her....nothing will change the fact that you created and gave birth to your baby. These things are not taboo as they once were. If you need to talk anytime, there are tons of people here who can and will lend an ear and share their experiences...

((hug))
Christine

[lorelei2003]

I am glad to see the other great responses to your post. Everyone has very good opinions. I know you will make a decision that is the best for you and your child. If you need more information about your options, you can contact an adoption agency or you can speak with your doctor, believe it or not, they do know a thing or two.

I wish you all the best!

[girls3]

Have you talked with anyone about this? Have you spoke with your dad in length about this responsibility? I'm sure he knows what it is cracked up to be. Make the decision that is best for you and your baby. Your boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend if he is making you choose between him and the baby. He probably wouldn't of stayed anyway, sounds like to me. Don't mean to judge but, been there done that.

Just know that whatever decision you choose is yours and yours alone. Know matter what, it will be hard but, there are people along the way to help you out. Check out all of your options with parenting your baby, ie: state aid, WIC, etc. there are alot of resources out there for pregnant and single parenting mothers. Also check out the options for open adoption if that is what you want or are considering. There are pros and cons to that also, in my experience it has been up and down and the emotions are sometimes hard to deal with but, it has gotten better.

My step daughter who is 19 is pregnant and I asked what she was going to do? I said abortion, adoption or keeping? She said noway to adoption because of watching me go through the emotions and tears that I have shed. She said for her it would be to hard for her to deal with. I support her no matter what choice she was to make. Adoption is for good for some and not so good for some.

Take your time, don't be rushed. Make an informed decision this is a very serious decision that no matter what will change the rest of your life.

Please feel free to PM me and keep me informed. Take care of yourself and have a great holiday weekend.

[foxy123]

hey sorry it took me so long to reply back to you guys, just been busy with work and all. no i have no problem claiming my child at all. i just think i called my baby "it" just easier to type. and its a girl. well thanx for all your replys. i do think i can be a good mother to my baby girl. my dad is there for me 100% same with my mom. they said they would help me as much as they could. my dad raised me by himself so he knows a little something about single parenting. i dont know if i want to give it up. i feel way to attached. i dont want to seem like i am selfish or anything because its my baby. i do want to keep it but i just dont know if its the best thing. my dad thinks that its the best thing. he thinks that if i were to give it up than i would be missing a piece of myself and i wouldnt be the same person anymore and i think he is excited to be a grandpa to. so i just dont know.. i really do want to keep it. i just dont know if its the best thing. oh and i dont really know what want to do in the feature, all i know is i want a good job.

[foxy123]

oh and one more thing that i dotn get to is when we first found out that i was pregnant he had a big smile on his face and told me he was excited and then it was like after he talked to his parents about it, he changed his mind and said he isnt ready and stuff like that. it was like he just kept changing his mind from he wants a baby to i dont want our baby anymore. i dont understand guys. we have been together for 2 years. now he is saying if i keep courtney (thats what i named her) he doesnt want to be with me anymore but he tells me that he loves me more than anything and he would miss having me around and stuff liek that.. like i dont know if he really truly means it or if he is just trying to munipulate me

[mj77]

Well, you might not feel ready to parent now, but you are truly blessed with support for you. As you become older, you will feel differently than you do now. You might really be glad you kept Courtney. Don't look at your daughter as someone who will hold you back in life. With your ambition you will be suprised where you will go even as a young mom. Your life is just taking a different turn than you'd expected but as an adult, it's is one of many times in your life things will happen that can detour your plans. Trust me, I NEVER thought I would be where I am today when I was 18! But I am and am so glad.

As for your boyfriend...it sounds like he has a lot of maturing to do still. His parents might have a strong influence on him still. The fact is, he made a baby girl with you and he needs to take some responsibility for her too. He says he loves you more than anything, but, if I may, It sounds like he loves your company. If he truly loves you, he will stand by you and his daughter. IMO, anything less than that, he is not worth it.

I didn't totally understand unconditional love until I met my son. It is so strong it brings me to tears at what a blessing he is in my life. IMO, if he wont except his own daughter to love, then I don't understand his love for you. I'm sorry, I hope I am not coming across insensitive. I think, if it is at all possible for you now, take much joy in your little girl. Wait until you meet her soon. I know you question if it's the best thing for you to keep her. Don't think short term though. Also, don't ever think of her holding you back. You don't own your next breath even, it is given to you by God so worrying about your future is not worth it right now. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy the best you can. Your daughter is coming soon and it should be an exciting time .

Melissa

[foxy123]

thanx mj77, i am just scared that i wouldnt be a good parent since i am so young. like i want to keep her.. it just dont knwo if its the right thing to do.. and yeah thats waht i am thinking about my boyfriend to... we got into a fight today and now he is saying that i would be an idiot to keep it and stuff like that.. liek ti hurts.. one day he says he respects and supports the decion i will make and now today he is calling me an idiot and stuff for wanting to keep it.. likei dont get it.. i am just stuck in the middle of everything. i am just so sad. i just dont know whats best anymore

[girls3]

Just do what you feel in your heart. It will all turn out for the best, just have faith and God will help you through the rough spots.

As for your boyfriend I don't know what to say about that. He seems very insensitive and controlling IMO. Just do what you need to do for yourself and your baby and everything will be ok. I was a single mom for along time and made it. I went back to college and got a degree and have a good job now and am furthering my degree again. So, it can be done. I hope the best for you and your sweet baby. Your dad sounds like the bomb. That is great that you have his total support. Good luck to you and your family.

[mj77]

I can give you my 2 cents on what might be best for you, though it might be difficult to do, you sound like you can be a strong woman; any guy who would call you an idiot for caring for thier baby is an idiot themselves! You don't need to choose to be in the middle of this. It shouldn't be a choice between your baby and this guy. What is more important, your daughter or this guy who sounds like he has little, if any, respect for you? If he is causing you to be stressed, you need not speak with him for awhile. That stress isn't good for you or for Courtney.

My mom was 18 when she got pregnant with me and my dad (held back a year) was a senior in high school. My mom kept me, though times weren't always easy--life isn't always easy.

Is there some specific reason you don't feel keeping your daughter is best? There is nothing wrong with placing her up for adoption, but since you've mentioned you are getting attatched to her and might want to keep her I will just remind you that life isn't always easy. Unless you were raped, you chose to make a baby--and what I mean, of course, is that you chose to have sex knowing that protection or not, a pregnancy could happen (I'm assuming). Yes, kids are challenging to raise and they have a huge influence on how your life plans go. There is life in having a child(ren) though. There is also joy and love that you can't even imagine. If you need to talk about your fears of parenting, this forum is a great place. Your fears are normal and justified. Hang in there.

Melissa

[lorelei2003]

I happen to agree with everyone. I need to tell you though, you are due very soon and indecisive or not, you have that baby coming. If your parents are there for you, then my goodness, let them be! If your boyfriend takes a hike, well his loss! I don't mean to sound harsh, but come on folks, you are about to give birth to his child! Remember though, there are ways for him to support his child even if he doesn't want to, you may want to remind him of that. So basically, he can be with you and your daughter or he can support his daughter without the two of you. That may be insensitive, but it is true.

I wish you the best of luck!
Let us know what your decide!