[bellax0x]

Hi, I was wondering if any other teen out there wants a baby? I'd like to talk to you!!

-Elle

[bromanchik]

Bella
Please get counseling. It will help you understand why you might want a baby and what the reality of parenting is all about. Babies quickly become cranky toddlers, that become children. 14 year olds need mothering, not to be mothers. Please think very carefully about this before you do anything. Talk to other young mothers about what their lives are really like. If you need some information pm me.

[79nic]

Elle,

Ok, if I were in your shoes, I'd be thinking, "Everyone is treating me like I'm a little kid." I'd be irritated as hell and reluctant to take anyone's advice.

You have a 19-year-old boyfriend (who has a car and a job), who wants to get you a promise ring; and a summer job lined up, right? And you mentioned homeschooling-- are you currently being homeschooled, or was that only going to happen if you turned out to be pregnant?

In any case, I'll admit that all of these things suggest you are an older-than-most 14-year-old.

HOWEVER (and this is a big however), I still have to say, I just do not think it is a good idea for you to get pregnant right now. For many reasons.......

One, you'll be missing out on a lot of your "youth" time. You mentioned going to college: don't you want to be able to go to a party once in a while, join a sorority, maybe a sports team, hang out after classes and talk with people... not rush home to a child?

Two, it is possible that you are not done physically growing, yourself. It is very hard on a still-growing body to have a baby.

Three, when you have a baby, it should really be about providing a good home for that baby. I am not saying this to you just because you are 14... Women much older than you have made the mistake of having a baby to fill some ill-founded desire of their own. It is NEVER a good idea.

Four, I think it would be really hard on your relationship with your boyfriend.

Look, if you ever want to talk, please pm me. I agree with Brenda that it might be good for you to talk to someone about this-- school counselor?

Nicole

[bellax0x]

Opps i guess i made a typo.. my boyfriend is 17, and I'm now 15 for anyone who thinks im 14 lol..


No matter how much partying, traveling, having fun, I can picture me doing in the future.. it just doesnt appeal to me. its not what i want.. what i want is a baby. My boyfriends mom just had a baby and I love going there but at the same time HATE going there because i see her with the baby and i take care of the baby but then always have to give him back! it just makes me cry and angry!

i have one of those btio dolls that they use in schools.. i payed 520 for her and she is my "baby" but shes just not real enough. and i know what youre going to say "theyre nothing like real babies blah blah.." i know that.. im not trying to prove that i can take care of a baby, that i know i can do.. im just prooving that nothing (babysitting, my btio, spending weeks with my aunt and baby cousin) is good enough or satifies my urge!

i dont know what to do anymore..

my parents love me, my life is perfect, i get very good grades, have a great boyfriend and lots of friends so i dont want a baby for anything other then i feel that now is the right time to bring anothr life into the world..


-Elle

[FL_GirlByProxy]

Hi Elle,

I am a 38 year old birthmother of my son who is 19. I have 2 more children, a boy, age 13, and a girl, age 9. I just want you to know where I'm coming from.

Can I ask you a question? What do you want to do with your life professionally? Do you want to go to college?

What does your boyfriend want to do professionally? Does he want to go to college?

My husband is a very hard working man. I also, work very hard, and I went to college nights and worked days, because a high school diploma just wasn't enough for mere survival.

When my 2nd son was born, I was 25. I worked days, and my husband's schedule was all over the place. I can remember rocking him to sleep, then getting things ready for the next day, washing bottles at 11:30 at night, waking up for feedings. My daycare expenses were nuts.

Here is my point. Pursue your education to support your dreams first. When you have a great paying job, it takes so much pressure off of the daily commitments of raising a baby. I have friends who went to school in the medical field, nursing, physical therapy, that work part-time and make enough to support their family. They get to spend alot more time with their babies than I did.

In their cases, you can literally buy time. They make twice what I made, so they can be home more than I was.

I know that this seems like lecturing, and I'm sorry if it does. It's just such a huge decision, and yes you have the power to make it. There is plenty of time for you. Please don't do anything rash. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Peace,
LeeAnn

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Elle,

I agree with the others, you should talk to a couselor about this feeling. Not just that, but your doctor, too. This feeling can be CAUSED by hormones and since you said you are on the pill there are many issues that could be causing this...You took it and missed pills...that would cause a hormone shift....the pills could have too high of a hormone level....changes like this are a side effect.

I dont think it is about proving that you CAN have a baby...no doubt, that you can. But you shouldnt do everything that you CAN do! If this is about an urge, you should be able to over come these things and if you cant...(you said it is never enough to fulfill) then there may be other issues at play...namely fluxuating hormones.

If you were ready to have a baby, i would venture to guess that you wouldn't be trying so hard to prove yourself to everyone. Talk with a counselor and your boyfriend and your mother... they would ALL be affected by your decision.

[tearsofblood187]

i am 15. i am going to have a baby. there is so much i have to worry about right now that its not funny.......school is one of those things i have to worry about. also you and i are still minors and could get the person we had sex with in trouble......so think about that too

[bellax0x]

my boyfriend is 17 so he couldnt get in trouble..

to all the other ppl lol.. i think i can handle it and i want to do it.. so thats what im going to do.

-Elle

[tearsofblood187]

good luck with your soon to be baby!
i hope everything goes your way

[bellax0x]

Thanks for the support, i greatly appreciate it..

-Elle

[sugarbabysmommy]

Seriously consider counseling. There is nothing weak about reaching out. No matter what any of my friends told me about being a mother, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I own my own home, am able to stay home full time, live in a very child friendly community, have the full support of family and friends (including baby sitting at my beck and call) and still this little 20 pound, beautiful child can knock me on my a** at the end of the day! I would step in front of a freight train to save my child's life and I love my child more than myself- but that doesn't change that I have never worked so hard or felt so spent. You are not only talking about yourself raising a child, but about your mom and boyfriend as well. One more thing to consider, there are increased risks to the baby inutero at your age. I don't discount that you have strong feelilngs, but talk to someone to truly clarify where they are coming from.

[bellax0x]

alright, and what if i find that i really do just want a baby because i feel now is the right time??

-Elle

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Elle...

Shall we be honest here? You are 15...you cant even vote, buy lotto tickets, spray paint or a pack of cigarettes... How could you possibly be convinced that this is the IDEAL time to have a baby? I would be very interested in what your mother an boyfriend think about this situation since they are going to be the ones who ultimately will be your support system (hopefully). If you want to be a young mother, that's all good, but at least move out on your own first, then you can honestly say...I can pay my bills and support a baby, and I know it. Arguing isnt going to prove you can handle a baby...being responsible for yourself will...and once you are responsible for yourself, you dont NEED to prove yourself to anyone. Remember one important thing honey, the father has rights too, and should he turn 18 and leave you, he will have great access to your child...plus he will be in a position to care for it. This is not roses and romance.

Christine

[Lindsie]

I don't mean to be harsh here, but I live in Australia and if you were out here, you are not even old enough to consent to having sex. I agree with everyone else that you should make sure that you have all you need to further your life professionally before you start having children.
You are the one that this child is going to be looking to for financial support throughout its life and you need to be able to provide it without having to scramble to keep the bills paid. Kids are really expensive and if you have a low paid job as your education is limited then it will be a struggle.
Financial problems are also more likely to casue relationship problems between you and your boyfriend. I'm 24 and while i think it would be great to start a family, realistically I don't earn enough to bring a child up the way i would want to do it - and that is after completing high school and 5 years of college/law school etc to be qualified as a lawyer!
Please consider waiting until you have at least finished high school before you make such a major decision!

[79nic]

alright, and what if i find that i really do just want a baby because i feel now is the right time??

Well, if it were me you were talking to, I'd ask you to assess WHY you feel it's the right time. And then I'd ask you to assess if your perception of why it's the right time meshes with reality.

Elle....... I also do not want to be harsh here. I hope you can see that. But I have to ask you... are you thinking about anyone besides yourself here? Your decision to have a baby would impact numerous people: your mom, your boyfriend, and NOT LEAST, the BABY.

If you were given a choice, before you were born, of how you'd like to be raised, would you choose:
a. a grown-up mom, with an education, with a job that could pay for bills plus some extras (like going out to eat, new clothes, trips to amusement parks), who had enough time to spend with you,
or
b. a teen mom, not yet done with highschool, who could not even pay the bills, let alone splurge for extras, and who was too busy finishing school and working to spend time with you?

It is really, really important that you think about this from the child's perspective. Being a mother is not about YOU; it's about the child.

Now, if you decide to do it anyway, here is a list of things you'll need to be able to pay for (so if you're set on doing this, go ahead and start researching these):

-OB appointments for yourself (probably a $10 or $20 copay each time, depending on your insurance-- they happen at least once a month, more in the third trimester)
-prenatal vitamins (not cheap-- mine cost almost $80 per bottle, and that was with insurance)
-maternity clothes
-extra food, for your increased appetite (my grocery bills increased by about a third)
-nursery furniture (figure $500, if you get it cheap and forego any extras)
-baby clothes
-diapers
-wipes
-bottles
-formula, or, if you plan to breastfeed exclusively, a pump so you can pump out milk for the hours you are away from the baby
-burp cloths
-crib bedding and sheets
-Shout (to get out spit-up stains and poop stains)
-baby laundry detergent
-pacifiers, rattles, teething rings, a couple toys and/or board books
-Desitin, infant Tylenol, a baby bath tub, baby washcloths, towels, cotton balls, Orajel, a refrigerator lock, safety tabs for cabinets, outlet covers....
-receiving blankets
-the parts of your hospital stay that aren't covered by insurance
-well-baby checkups ($10 to $20 copay each time-- once a month)
-car seat
-stroller
-diaper bag
-infant carrier
-high chair
-bibs
-daycare (varies depending on your area-- here in Pa, where cost of living is extremely, extremely low, it runs about $150 per week)
-college savings plan (for the baby, but since you are not through college yet, for you, too)

Those are all the "start-up" costs I can think of, right now. If anyone else has any, to help out Elle, please post them.

As your baby turns into a child, there will be more....