[moroka]

Elle,

Best of luck! Some times we just have to do what we think is best for us.

I am a single mom of three children. I have a house, a college degree, and a good job as a teacher. I earn $50,000 this school year.

Reality: I can barely afford my children. They bring home $1,500 a month in Adoption Assistance money because they were adopted through the states foster care system. It only covers daycare and sometimes diapers. That's it. Without daycare paid for I could not afford to have children. Now I want what is best for them. I had my two babies in a "nice" church daycare last year. I hated it and found someone to come to my home a babysit. It was a difficult interview process. Now- I met some people at the daycare who weren't very happy either. They were on assistance and could not just up and find a new center like I could. They had to have paperwork filled out, find a new daycare center willing to take their daycare assistance (many won't-too much paperwork) and wait 30 days for approval.

Oh- It cost $640 per month per child! I live in the "cheap" part of California and am lucky to afford a home. But, daycare is very, very expensive!

Think long and hard about your choices. Visit some daycare centers in your area (most are open 6:00-7:00 A.M. til about 6:00 P.M., hardly ever later-when will you work?) check out the cost. Then look at your highschool to see if they have a daycare. Visit it and see if you want your baby to spend all day there. I thought my daycare was good, I was sadly wrong. They were nice people, but didn't seem to know how to take care of a baby. My 4 month old wasn't fed for 7 hours once. I know because I used to show up early once in a while to check up. They were just giving her her 2nd bottle of the day (I brought the bottles and knew how many should be left). They said she was too congested to eat, but noone called me. It about broke my heart. Many other "stupid" things happened because they were just ignorant as how to care for babies. I have never felt like such a horrible mother as when I saw how badly my children were taken care of for $1,280 a month!

I realize my situation is my situation. But I thought that I could do a good job finding great daycare (not many take under 2 and there is almost always a waiting list- I settled for 2nd choice). I had the finances to change sitters but many don't and it was hard work!

Good Luck, I'm sure you'll be a very loving mom! Love can not feed, clothe, and educate a child! God Bless!

[sugarbabysmommy]

Elle,
I sincerely do not mean to offend or attack, but you are being spoken to in an adult and frank manner. If you feel personally attacked by our facts and stories of real life etc., then you are not ready to parent! Once again, please talk with a counselor.

[snow princess]

Elle

I find it so sad that you are so involved in what you want that you cant see past it to think about this baby you are talking about having.

You said you were going to spend some time this summer with your aunt and cousin and that YOU would be taking care of the baby.
Well that is great, how fun to play mommy for a while, but that is NOT going to give you any indication on what it is like to have a child of your own to care for.

Are you going to be working full time and possibly part time while you are caring for you cousin? NOPE I thought not - so how do you think that is going to compare with having your own child?

Several people have asked you - WHO is going to care for your child while you continue your education? You still havent answered that one !
How are you going to pay for all the babies needs? who is goign to be supporting you and the baby?
newborns go thru at least a diaper every hour or so - have you prices diapers? Forumula? medicines, doctor appointments babyfood, clothes, bedding furntiure, the list goes on

Do you even have health insurance? If you are covered under your parents insurance your child wont be and in many instances pregnant children are not covered (yes you are considered a child !)

You also have not answered the questions of How does yoru boyfriend feel about this? What do your parents think? Where are you going to live? Do you have enough money saved to pay all your hospital bills? pay for the OB visits
Children must have vacinations and routine doctor visits for years do you have the money to pay for these.

You are a child trying to venture into an adult world that most young adults have a hard time making it in. You havent even finished highschool - what kind of job are you going to get that will enable you to support yourself and a baby -

Those are all things you need to consider.

You said you had worked out a budget - Maybe you would like to post it here so some of us could look at it for you and give you some suggestions -- see if you have missed putting things in your budget that should be there.

Remember you are posting on a site that is comprised of mostly adults. Many of us are old enough to be your mother or grandmother so we have been in the "real" world for many years and can offer some solid advise.

There are many things babies require and most of them are NOT options - you have to have certain items to care for child and they are expensive.

Also you have been asked why you wont consider talking to your doctor or a counselor - I really think that would be a good option as they can also give you good advise and help you in knowing what you are headed for if you have a child as a child.

Yes there are children your age who have babies but that does not make them an adult and yes some of these children do keep their babies, but if you were to go to some of the schools who offer classes for teenmoms and talk to these moms you will see how hard it is and yes most of them love their babies more than themself but if they had it to do over would not have had a baby so young.

Babies deserve the best in life and to intentionally have a child at 15 is not giving a baby the best life out there. You are still going to have to attend school, you will need to get a HS diploma at the least to get a job.

Have you checked out rent in areas you woould live in? Have you checked your state laws (and I dont mean asking your friends) with the state government offices. Find out how old you have to be to do certain things. Even though you have a baby, if you are not 18 - you may not be able to rent an apartment , have you called your local utilities to ask if you can have utilities turned on if you are only 15 . Did you check with electric company water company and phone company to see what kind of deposit you have to put down to get these services? if You have not had these services before - first time depostits are usually very high. Have you checked with local banks to see what checking accounts will cost?

Have you called local hospital to see how much your hosptial bill will be for having a baby - find out from local Ob/gyn what yoru doctor bill will be for having the baby - total probably between $7,000. and $10,000.00 , it is not cheap and unless you and boyfriend get married and he has a good job with insurance that will cover your pregnancy you are looking at medical bills that could take years to pay off.

How do you plan on paying for those. How will you pay if you are the baby have complications?

There are so many things to consider besides a cute little butterball baby - yes they are soo sweet and so easy to love , but...... you need to have more than love to raise a child - they are not cheap and they require things like shoes, clothes, medicine, doctor visits.

Do you and your boyfriend have a realiable car? How much is car insurance going to cost = very expensive for young drivers.

Who will care for your baby while you and your boyfriend are at school and work

Have you called daycares in your area to see how much they charge for infants?

I think you have a lot to learn about before you have a child I sincerly hope that you do some serious thinking and checking into things before intentionally becoming pregnant at 15.

Think about the baby not just yourself - talk to your parents abou this - talk to your priest or minister go to planned parenthood and talk to a counseler. You are still a child and though you think you want a baby you really do not sound like you have done enough research as far as how to support a child and what you need to know.

You came here for opinions or advise so Take the advise of people who have been there and know how hard life can be. I really think it is great to want to be a mom, but........ I dont think 15 is particularly a great time to plan a baby. Do some growing up, enjoy your childhood and teen years. If you and your boyfriend stay together and in 5 or 6 years are still together and have educationa nd jobs then think about having a baby.

reading your posts I see you saying YOU want a baby - nothing about your boyfriend wanting a baby nothing about how much in love you two are.

I suggest with others that you talk to your parents and your boyfriend about this. It is not fair to bring a child in to this world intentionally if one of the parents doesnt want to be a parent. I think you have a lot to learn and if you would do some research and LISTEN and take in what people here are saying instead of being defensive you would find that 15 is not such a great age to become a mom.

I pray you get the help you need to make the right decision for this baby you want to have.

[bellax0x]

alright, well you have asked my many questions so im going to try to answer them all..

yes i will be spending many weeks up at my aunts house, but youre right I will not be working during that time. but right now i may not even be going up there any more because i feel i should get a real job and work for the summer instead and just do babysitting on the side. (i do have a job now but i would like a different one for the summer)

I will be homeschool if i do become pregnant, so I will be taking care of my baby until i go to college. My boyfriend and I both have jobs and money in the bank.

No, I dont have my own health insurance but will be getting my own if i fall pregnant.

I thought i said it before but i guess it was somewhere else, that i've talked to my boyfriend and he also feels we are ready on all aspects to care for a child. my parents know i want a baby but never really had an opinion about it.

Both my boyfriend and I have money saved in the bank that will cover medical expenses (including birth) which, in the hospital id be going to would be around 2,000 because my father works there so it will be cheaper. (if there is no complications and i deliver naturally)

I've checked out the state laws and at 15 i can be emancipated and live on my own with all privledges i would have if I were 18.

This summer I'm going to create a checking/bank account for myself.

No, we dont have a car now but will have one by november. car insurance will be about $300, all of which my boyfriend has a seperate account in his bank to pay for.

When I do go to work daycare will be somewhere around $150 a week.

hope ive answered all your questions. Im going to get my budget and post it also within the next few minuets!

-Elle

[bellax0x]

This is the budget i have come up with for the first year of life. Tell me what i need to change/revise/get rid of/add. please.. thanks!

BEFORE BABY ARRIVES

You will need monthly check-ups with the doctor for pre-natal care. ($1,500.00)
You will need to buy 8 months worth of prenatal vitamins! ($15.00 for 1 months supply)
Don't forget about the hospital! ($2,500.00)
You will need to buy an infant carseat to take the baby home from the hospital. (You can't leave without one!) ($45.00)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NURSERY ITEMS

You will need 2 crib(s). ($100.00 each) - i put 2 because it will cost a lot more then 100 for a crib
You will need 2 crib mattress(es). ($45.00 each)
You will need 4 crib sheets. ($10.00 each)
You will need 6 crib blankets. ($10.00 each)
You will need 2 crib mattress pad(s). ($7.76 each)
You will need 5 receiving blanket(s). ($2.98 each)
You will need 2 crib mobile(s). ($14.95 each)
You will need 2 crib activity center(s). ($12.57 each)
You will need 1 changing table(s). ($89.00 each)
You will need 2 changing table pad(s). ($8.00 each)
You will need 2 cradle(s) or bassinette(s). ($80.00 each)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HEALTH /SAFETY ITEMS
(Remember, you are buying for a year!)

You will need 1 hairbrush(es) and comb(s) for the baby. ($6.87 each)

You will need 1 digital thermometer(s). ($10.27 each)

You will need 1 humidifier(s)/vaporizer(s) ($35.42 each) for when the baby gets sick

and you probably ought to pick up 2 nasal aspirator(s) ($2.01 each)

and 2 medicine dropper(s) ($1.97 each) while you are at the store!

You will need 1 toothbrush(es). ($ .89 each)

You will need 2 baby monitor(s). So you can hear when the baby is crying. ($25.00 each)

Do you have stairs in your house? You will need 1 stairway gate(s) to protect the baby from falling down the stairs. ($9.96 each)

You will need 13 drawer latches ($ .13 each)

and 13 outlet plug covers ($ .09 each) so the baby doesn't get into things he/she shouldn't. ($ each)

You will need 1 baby bathtub(s). ($14.39 each)

You will need 5 baby washcloths. ($ .79 each) (Don't forget to
get enough for when you haven't had time to do the laundry!)

You will need 1 bathtub ring ($8.96 each)

and 1 faucet protector(s) ($2.00 each) so baby can be independent in the bath.

You will need 3 hooded towel(s) to keep the baby warm after the bath. ($6.00 each)

4 baby soap(s) ($2.77 each),

4 baby lotion(s) ($2.81 each),

2 baby powder(s) ($2.00 each),

2 baby oil(s) ($2.80 each),

2 diaper rash ointment(s). ($3.50 each)

24You will need to buy boxes of laundry detergent for baby clothes! ($4.89 each) (Hint - About 2 a month!)

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DIAPERS
(Remember, you are buying for a year!)


You will need to buy 400 disposable diapers. ($ .30 each) (Hint - you will use about 75 diapers a week and about 320 diapers a month)

You decide to buy 1 dozen cloth diapers to keep on hand. ($12.00 each)

You will need to buy 25 boxes of baby wipes. ($2.97 each) (Hint - you will use about 2 a month).

You will need to buy 1 diaper bag(s). ($15.00 each)

You will need to buy 48 cloth diapers if you choose to use them instead of disposable. ($12.00 each) (Hint - You should have at least 3 dozen clean diapers on hand).

You will need to buy 1 diaper pail(s). ($17.95 each)
You will need to buy 1 diaper cover(s). ($1.59 each)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FEEDING BABY


If you plan on breast-feeding the Baby:

You will need to buy 1 breast pump(s) if you plan on nursing while you are in school or working. ($24.98 each)

You will need to buy 90 nursing pad(s). ($ .58 each) (Hint - about 3-4 a day)

You will need to buy 6 nursing bra(s). ($14.00 each) (Hint - you will need extras because of how quickly they need to be laundered!)

You will need to buy 7 pacifiers. ($1.34 each) (Better buy a few extra - for the ones that end up getting misplaced).

You will need to buy 5 pacifier holders. ($1.76 each)
If you plan on using formula:

You will need to buy 0 cans of formula. ($3.65 each) (Hint - you will use 7-8 a week and about 32 a month).

You will need to buy 10 packages of wipes. ($2.97 each) (Hint - 2 a month).

You will need to buy 4 4 oz. bottles. ($ .99 each)

You will need to buy 4 8 oz bottles. Don't forget to get enough to allow for breakage and having a couple of spares. ($1.65 each)

You will need to buy 1 bottle brush(es) to clean the bottles. ($2.00 each)
You will need to buy 0 boxes of bottle inserts if you plan on using them. ($3.43 each) (Hint - about 4 a month).

You will need to buy 10 nipple(s) for the bottles. These are in addition to your bottles! ($ .30 each)

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CONGRATULATIONS!
(Remember, you are buying for a year!)

Your baby is growing - you now need a toddler car seat.
Enter 2 here to buy a toddler car seat. ($55.00) - again i put 2 because theyre more expensive then that

You will need to buy 100 jars of baby food. ($ .47 each) (Hint - Babies begin on solid foods at about 6 months.)

You will need 1 high chair(s). ($47.00 each)

You will need to buy 5 childproof plates and bowls. ($3.96 each)

You will need to buy 3 infant spoons. ($ .94 each)

You will need to buy 6 cloth bibs. ($2.75 each)

You will need to buy 6 plastic bibs. ($1.96 each)

You will need to buy 2 no-spill cups. ($1.73 each)

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CLOTHING
(Remember, you are buying for a year!)

You will need to buy 6 sleepers. ($4.95 each)

You will need to buy 7 hats. ($2.78 each)

You will need to buy 10 booties. ($2.39 each)

You will need to buy 5 gowns. ($6.00 each)

You will need to buy 12 outfits. ($12.00 each)

You will need to buy 10 socks. ($2.48 each)

You will need to buy 4 coats. ($24.00 each)

You will need to buy 10 warm suits. ($18.00 each)

You will need to buy 6 shirts. ($6.45 each)

You will need to buy 6 pants. ($9.18 each)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ADDITIONAL ITEMS

Not necessary items, but they sure make life easier!

You decide to buy 1 carrier(s). ($40.00 each)
You decide to buy 4 stroller(s). ($48.00 each)
You decide to buy 1 play yard. ($60.00)
You decide to buy 0 extra diaper bag(s). ($15.00 each)
You decide to buy 1 swing(s). ($80.00 each)
You decide to buy 2 doorway jumper(s). ($20.00 each)
You decide to buy 10 small toys. ($8.00 each)
You decide to buy 7 books. ($3.00 each)
You decide to get 4 set(s) of pictures taken. ($30.00 each)
You decide to buy 0 yard toys. ($48.00 each)


All together it will cost aprox.- $ 10293.86

this doest include the Dr.'s visits (well baby) wich will be around (6 of them, $20 copay each time) $120

and i must have extra money on the side for when the baby is sick.

-Elle

[eagermommy]

But the thing is you always have the unexpected.... There are times when expensive things come up. What about the cost of insurance, daycare. There is so much more to be added...

[bellax0x]

true i didnt include daycare in my budget but i have figured it in because in my last post i stated it would be around 150-200 a week.

so how much should i have saved for unexpected expenses?

-Elle

[echaos]

I have a 2 year old son, and most of what we have had to buy is double or triple the price of what you have listed!!

Here are some examples:

Stroller: $350.00
High Chair: $150.00
Crib: $150.00
Crib Mattress: $80.00
Baby Monitor: $60:00
Baby Swing: $75.00

And this is not buying the most expensive, high-end brand name stuff!!!

Good luck!!!

[bellax0x]

really?? i see brand new good quality stuff for..

stroller with carseat- 200/250
crib-200
crib matress- 50
monitor- 20
swing- 80

wow.. wierd..

-Elle

[lizzie373]

I have tried to just read this thread and not reply- but I can't:


Belle-

You have said over and over that you are ready to be a parent. Fine- have you thought ONCE about the child in this situation? No- because you are a teen- and aren't thinking about the QUALITY of life this child will have. You will have to work like mad to support a child on a 15 year old's salary (of maybe 6.00/hour). If you wait, get a college degree,( I know you said you are going to college- do you know how much tuition is, + books,+living expenses???) become a mature responsible woman, you and your child will have a better life.

And could we get serious about your boyfriend for a moment and get out of LA-LA land- he is going to want to go out and have fun with his friends (as you should)- he is not going to want to be tied down to his 15 year old girlfriend and child.

If you think you are mature enough to be a mother- than you should be mature enough to stop and think about something other than yourself.

[Shoshana]

Let's assume that you get a "good" job and you earn an hourly salary of $7.00.

Let's also assume that since you'll be living at the poverty level, there will be very little taxes withheld from your salary so we'll just use the $7.00 figure.

If you're going to do this, then YOU need to be able to support the baby, without your boyfriend's help. You can ONLY rely on yourself, no one else. If he does stick around and help, then that's gravy. If he doesn't, you need to know you can go it alone.

SALARY
$7.00 x 40 hours = $280 x 4.33 weeks/month = $1212 monthly salary

DAYCARE
$3.75 x 40 hours = $150 x 4.33 weeks/month = $650 monthly daycare.

$1212 salary - $650 daycare = $562.

FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO DOLLARS remaining!

Let's assume that you actually FIND an apartment for $300 (tho' I can't imagine where that would be, or worse, what it would look like.

$562 - 300 rent = $262.

Now you have to pay for:
Electric
Phone
Water (possibly)
Gas (possibly)
Medical insurance (????? amount)
Car Insurance (figure at leastl $100 per month based on your age)
Gasoline
Groceries
Diapers
Baby Food

$262
-30 electric
-40 phone
-100 car insurance
-80 gasoline (if you don't drive very much)
-100 groceries (if you don't eat very much)
-32 diapers (if you don't change them very often)
_____
$-20

And a more significant problem -- There is nothing calculated for medical expenses, medications, clothing, transportation costs, baby sitters.

And if the baby is sick, he/she won't be allowed in day care, you won't be able to work, and you won't have that necessary income.

You state that you have savings that will pay for the start-up costs, but then you state that you're going to open a "checking/savings" account.

Let's assume that you have an unusual amount of $ and can finance the start-up costs and the pregnancy. There is NO WAY you can support a baby, by yourself, on $7 per hour. You'll be lucky to even find $7 per hour.

It's one thing to list all the things you'll need and to dream. It's another thing to actually have the $$ and spend it and see how quickly it goes. Echaos is right -- there's another "Murphy's Law" you've probably never heard of: "Things cost more than you expect."

Who pays the rent when you're pregnant? Do you know any high school drop outs who are lucky enough to make $7 per hour?

Elle, as much as you want a baby, and I can totally relate - I wanted a baby more than anything in the world when I was your age. I dreamed, I chose names, I obsessed about it. But I didn't actively pursue getting pregnant because I didn't want to raise a child on welfare. Unless you're independently wealthy, WELFARE and FOOD STAMPS and SOUP KITCHENS and FREE CLINICS will be your reality. Try living like that for a while and see what it does to your motivation and self-esteem.

You may think we don't understand because we're too old. That's a convenient excuse to dismiss what everyone here is telling you. But what you are missing is that every person here has more experience than you do when it comes to living, working, paying bills, and not having enough money to do the things you need to do. What you are planning is totally based on your emotional needs. YOUR NEEDS. Not the needs of a child. And, if you go through with this fantasy, then you will have a made a decision that will forever effect your life, your child's life, your relationships with your family. Sorry, Elle, but that's the height of IRRESPONSIBILITY AND NARCICISM.

[mj77]

Elle, In your budget it looked as if you assumed you will be able to breast feed. I know many moms who had that intention or desire and weren't able to do it. Some babies require special formula because of allergies or sensitive stomach. Our baby takes Emfamil Lipil with Iron and it costs about $14.00 a can which only usually lasts up to 3 days. That is a lot of money a month!

Babies are beautiful but they are self-centered need machines. Parenting can be very stressful at times. We have found too that many people who assured us they would help out before having kids, rarely get to even talking with us. Things change when you actually become a mom. It is not a glorious as it is cracked up to be. Getting puked on, peed on, screamed at, changing poopy diapers, holding when you have a million other things to do, a crying baby that you want to help but aren't sure what is wrong... Elle, I am so glad you are listening to people's advice and concerns. I think you are wise to do that.

I would like to make another point. This is just my opinion and mean no offense to anyone out there but you mention your boyfreind will help. For how long though. You and he will change so much in life and there is a good chance you might go separate directions. IMHO I really believe it would be better for you to wait until you know this is the man you will spend the rest of your life with. A child deserves his father and if you have chosen this young man to want to make a baby with, don't you think you owe it to your baby to make sure this is a guy you will marry someday so he will be in your life (hopefully) forever? I am not talking about just getting married now. Teen marriges have issues of their own, but waiting until you know this is the right guy to be a faithful father and husband to you that will set a good example for you your child. Someone who has sworn to stick by you in sickness and in health, for better or worse. Like I said, it is JMHO.

[snow princess]

so how much should i have saved for unexpected expenses?

Elle

Rule of thumb - you should have enough money in the bank to cover all your living expenses (your total monthly expenses) for 6 months and that doesnt really help if you have major unexpected expenses. What if your car dies and you have to buy another one? You have to have transportation to get to and from work and to store, doctors visits etc.
Keep in mind that you will have to take time off work for dr. visits (losing money not working) As someone else pointed out your child cannot go to daycare if they are sick do you have a back up babysitter? and a lot of daycares do NOT give you money back if your child misses a day - check with daycares on their policies on payment

No, I dont have my own health insurance but will be getting my own if i fall pregnant

Elle you need to check in to this now - Insurance companies do not have to cover pre-existing conditions therefore you may not be able to find insurance to cover the pregnancy which could leave you with the entire hospital bill for you and the baby and any complications arising from pregnancy. Also health insurance can range 200.00 to 500.00 a month for the premium if you have to buy insurance on your own

Elle, In your budget it looked as if you assumed you will be able to breast feed. I know many moms who had that intention or desire and weren't able to do it. Some babies require special formula because of allergies or sensitive stomach. Our baby takes Emfamil Lipil with Iron and it costs about $14.00 a can which only usually lasts up to 3 days. That is a lot of money a month!

Elle -

mj raised an excellant point - not everyone who wants to breastfeed is able to for many reasons. Formula is very expensive and you would have to buy it. You need to consider that possibility and have it in your budget to buy the formula in case breastfeeding does not work

Also the budget you have to buy things for the baby is only the initial set up - you will need more clothes blankets sheets, soap, laundry soap, shamppoo the list goes on
then once your baby starts eating - baby food is very expensive so you need to figure more for groceries.

Just food for thought

Mary

[moroka]

Elle-

I'm starting to think this is all a joke! Are you really writing a school paper for psych class? You keep letting people give you advice and have a good come-back each and every time. If you're head is really screwed on that straight, then you would never consider having a baby at 15 years old. Let the cat out of the bag and tell us the truth now - this is a JOKE isn't it?

[bellax0x]

umm. no? why would i joke about somthing that serious?

-Elle