[KristyS]

Hi Elle (by the way I love your name (0=!!),

I read your post and it made me so sad. I am 28 and I got pregnant and had a baby a year ago. I was not married at the time I got pregnant...but am now married (=. We both have great jobs (make 100K combined), and support but it's STILL EXTREMELY hard to raise a baby even being 28 and married! And we STILL have money struggles!!!!

You may feel ready and your body may be ready, but you have so much fun stuff to do!!! Things such as college, dateing, career, etc. All that stuff is so hard if not impossible to do once you have a baby. Regret is the worst feeling in the world and I don't want you to feel that. As much as I love my son I sometimes wish I could have traveled a little more and worked on my career a little longer and I was 28!!!!

Please, think about this....and talk to a counselor. It's a womans nature to want to have babies (=...but please think about you life and your future babies life.

I hope everything works out for you!! You seem like such a sweet and great person!

Kristy

[mj77]

"I just needed to vent...but I'm still wondering, did Elle post on this ADOPTION forum with a sort of subconscious agenda? Maybe part of her wanted to be "talked out" of the idea...hmmm. I hope she makes the right choice."---Nicole28

In my unexpert opinion, I think Elle isn't being honest about having the "good" home life we might think of. Either that or I question how much she is even telling us the truth about what has been going on. A typical, healthy fifteen year old doesn't try to skip over the teen years to be a parent. I think she believes this baby is going to be born and start loving her. Maybe she doesn't feel she is getting the love she needs (I know she would probably never admit this). As out of line as I might sound, I feel I have some right to speak because I too wanted a baby at very young. I think Elle is trying to get attention. I too hope she makes the right choice.

[Shoshana]

I think part of the problem is the neurological FACT that a teenager's brain is not fully developed. A teenager's capacity for moral, psychologically healthy, and yes, even rational thought is still developing. Unfortunately, many, many teenagers make decisions that SEEM rational but they have to wait another 10 years until they truly understand the level of immaturity and self-absorption that they possessed at that age.

Sorry Elle, aside from everything you've not so effectively rationalized to us, you will not be able to provide financially and emotionally for a baby. It's tough enough for an adult single woman with a good job to do so. If you were thinking a little more rationally and showing evidence that you could truly put a child's needs above your own, you'd at least have the ability to entertain the idea that the desire to fulfill your needs were conflicting with the needs of the child-to-be.

So, don't listen. Act like a a stereotypical teenager. Put your needs first. Do what you want to do, because you can. And remember these conversations 10 years down the road when you're exhausted, underpaid, overworked, underappreciated, old before your time, and jealous of your age-mates who have passed you by.

[bellax0x]

I am confident that I will have the needed support and resorces to beat the odds and make a great life for me and my child.. like I said, if I know that I can do somthing, theres no need for me to prove that to anybody.

-Elle

[RiverGal]

You have a lot to prove to that child. You would do well to lose that "center of the universe" attitude, because IF you are pregnant, and IF you are planning to keep this child, you have just lost your position...now it's all about the baby.

How will you feel when she comes home pregnant at 14? Are you going to say, "Oh, that's all I EVER hoped for you! You have made ALL my dreams come true!"

And why, Elle, have you yet to respond about your own mother's feelings on this? Is she excited as you are? Was this her big dream for how your life would work out? I'm very curious about her feelings.

~Deb

[mj77]

You still haven't responded to why it is you think that you can provide a better life now for a baby then waiting until you are older, more mature and stable. What is the hurry? Are your teen years that unpleasant that you think bringing a baby into your life will give you purpose? I used to think that. I think you need to deal with whatever issue you are dealing with that makes you want a baby now before bringing another person into your life. If you truly cared about a future child of yours, you would do your best to give them the best life that is truly possible. You can't give them the absoulute best when you are still a child yourself! You say you have the support and resourses you need. I sure hope you are not refering to hard working tax payers. I too am curious about how your mother thinks of all this.

[angelangelangel]

ok here's a little about me. I'm 18 years old a student and an adoptee. My mother was 14 years old when she had me. And she did the right thing of puting me up for adoption. I might never know wht her name is but i do know that she did the right thing of knowing that yu can't take care of a baby at 14 years old. The burden of this task is too great for a person that young

[allabouthorses]

Elle,

I feel sorry for your baby. You have this "it won't happen to me" attitude. Most teenagers do. I know I did. But, things CAN and DO happen.

It's one thing for a young woman to get pregnant accidentally, and have to work her tail off to provide for her child. I doubt that any mothers in this position would disagree that they wish they could give their child a better life.

BUT, it's a whole other thing to purposely get pregnant before you're financially ready. If I were you, I'd get another young mother to go over your budget with you, and see if you're really being realistic.

Also, my oldest abrother's natural mother could have kept him. Financially, she was pretty stable. But, he was born with extremely serious health problems, and had 7 surgeries in his first 2 years. She could have taken care of a healthy baby, but not this tiny, sickly, fragile child. What if your baby is born with spina bifida, or cerebral palsy? You don't have to do anything wrong, it just HAPPENS!! Hey, maybe you'll have a perfect child, and you'll be fine. But, I very much doubt you're prepared for all that can go wrong.

Oh, but wait. It won't happen to you, right?

[tearsofblood187]

hey.
i no it is pretty abnormal to have a teen who WANTS their own child................... elle came to the website to get peoples opinons on what she wanted, and she got lots of them.
i think every person basically gave her a peice of their mind on what she wanted.
i m pretty sure she is not gunna change her mind, but telling her that she is a selfish teen in many different ways isnt gunna help.

i dont mean to be rude to anyone, but its just that it seems that a lot of people seem to talk down to elle on this subject rather then equally.

[bellax0x]

THANK YOU! i mean, i except and will open mindedly consider all your opinions but you dont have to be so rude and/or mean

-Elle

[mj77]

If I were a fifteen year old friend, I probably wouldn't say anything much different then I have already said. A true friend would bring truth and reality to a friend who is planning on making poor choices at this point in her life. Sometimes truth hurts. Elle has had this "It's all about what I want" attitude which is what I would expect from a 15 year old. Most of us have been there. I do not think we are out of line. It is not that we are talking down to her so much as Elle appears to have put herself in that position. I really hope Elle will talk to someone. You can NOT get those teen years back once they are gone. Many of us here on this forum know that and some of us wish we could have done some things different. Hidesight is 20/20 I guess.

Kids are expensive, that's obvious there is also the potential for college for many kids. Elle, have you thought about having an adult child who wants help paying for college? Many 33 year olds are still in the accumulation period in their lives and helping with college (not that every parent does) is a BIG expense. What about yourself? You are much more likely to have a good paying career if you are educated. It is awfully difficult having a child and going to college even in a 2 parent family. Doesn't sound like you are that interested in doing that for yourself though. I hope you reconcider.

[mj77]

Sorry Elle, I posted the same time as you. I am so glad you will consider what we say. It must be difficult to hear things from complete strangers telling you what is best, but, if you were my sister, I wouldn't say anything different

[bellax0x]

yes, i completely understand where all of you are coming from. and i know i may get deffensive at times, but its only because i feel you guys are attacking me sometiimes.

my child could be born with any disease and i would take care of/love that baby as much as i could. i know thats not exactly the point... i know it will be MUCH more expensive if my baby does have a problem but we have to deal with what life gives us and im the type of person that feels that God wouldnt put anything in my life that i couldnt deal with..

i plan on going to college and staying in school, with the grades i am currently getting i have a good chance of recieving a scholorship! im not saying that it will be easy/possible to maintain such a high gpa as a young parent but i can try.

-Elle

[RiverGal]

Originally posted by tearsofblood187
elle came to the website to get peoples opinons on what she wanted, and she got lots of them.
i think every person basically gave her a peice of their mind on what she wanted.
i m pretty sure she is not gunna change her mind, but telling her that she is a selfish teen in many different ways isnt gunna help.

i dont mean to be rude to anyone, but its just that it seems that a lot of people seem to talk down to elle on this subject rather then equally.

She solicited opinions, and that is what she has gotten. If she wants encouragement, this is the wrong place to get it under the circumstances she has presented.

As far as talking to her as an "equal," I think that might be better accomplished in a teen chatroom. The majority of us are ADULTS who have been around the block a time or two more. As of yet, I don't see that the OPINIONS she requested are of any value to her.

I believe the question was asked earlier in the thread...Why are you here, Elle? This is a website for ADOPTION and ADOPTION RELATED issues.

~Deb

[bellax0x]

I post things like this anywhere it has topics about teen pregnancy. i like to get many different opinions from different peopple.. thats all

-Elle