[bellax0x]

because thats the point of me going there, or him coming here.. to care for him, and help her out..

-Elle

[St.Ives]

Sorry Elle, but I'm not understanding.
You were asked why you are caring for your cousin and not his mother, and you replied, "Because that's the point of me going there, or him coming here."
What's the point? Why is this child's mother unable to care for him? And if she requires your help to do so, what makes you so convinced that you will be able to care for your own baby all by yourself, in addition to your responsibilities of caring for your cousin?
I suggest you think about this long and hard.

[bellax0x]

i said "thats the point of me going there, to care for him, to help her out

every mom needs help sometimes and she knows how great i am with kids and she knows i love doing it.. so she asks for my help. she can do it by herself, but if helps available, why not??

-Elle

[allabouthorses]

Elle, when I was 16, I wanted a baby desperately. As I got older, I had unprotected sex a lot. I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant, but if I did, I would have been happy. Or so I thought...

Now, I'm 22. I still want a baby with all my heart, but I'm so thankful that I didn't get pregnant before. Even now, I'm not ready. I want to be financially secure, and hopefully married, before I bring a child into this world.

I know a girl who is 23, and has 3 sons. Her oldest is 9. She has been married since she was 17. She loves her sons, and husband, but feels like she missed out on a LOT. She wouldn't trade her boys for anything, but if she had it to do over again, she would have waited. There's a lot of stress in her life because of this. A lot of joy, but a lot of stress, too. Stress that wasn't necessary. It could have been avoided, if she'd only waited.

I also know a girl who is 26 now, and has a 3 year old son. Even SHE wishes she had waited until she was more financially secure, and in a serious relationship. She loves her son with all her heart, but it's been really hard.

I work in a school where almost all the kids have young parents. Most are single. These kids are loved, but they are definitely underprivileged. Sometimes, love is not enough.

Seriously consider this, Elle. I know what it's like to desperately want a baby to call your own. Heck, I am STILL there! I am just mature enough now to realize that it's not just about me. There is a CHILD involved here, and I want my kids to have the best.

[BayouMama]

Miss Elle--You need to keep your self in school and a way from them boys. Do'nt you figger he gonna stay round long after you get in the famly way an your anklels be swelt and your back be down and you be a grippin bout most things. He ai'nt nothin but a youngun like you is. Where your mama while you be talkin the non sence bout wantin to birth babys? I be done had a peice a that boy if'n he be messin round my little girl. I reckon she ai'nt got no idee you be talkin bout makin her a granny this soon in your life. In my openyon you ai'nt to ol to spank that behind. If'n you was my youngun that'd be what you got rite quik like.
Cynthia

[bromanchik]

I, too, am very interested in how your mama and daddy feels about you having a baby since she will be helping you raise it.

[eagermommy]

Elle... But the point is you will not be making ends meet alone with this child... Try it on your own while supplying a roof over yalls head and supply everything while working and affording day care...

[whisperinwillow]

~Elle~
I don't think there is a question to whether you would be a good mother or not.. because you clearly love and take care of a child that is not even yours.... Elle... I can see where you are coming from..... Back in the old days it wasn't uncommon to see a 15 year old pregnant and married.. life was hard then too ..right? Things were soo different then ..... than they are now... the mother's got to stay at home and even then it wasnt easy... Don't get me wrong ......young mothers work thier butts off.... to provide... but if you ask anyone of them.... if they could change something along the way.. they would... whether it be more education or more help etc. But the question i think you need to ask... is .. do you want to walk into this putting so many question up in the air... regarding your precious baby to be..... or do you want to know that you can handle any situation that comes along your way.. whether you handle it alone or with your family or your boyfriend.... What I suggest to you..

This is how me and my fiance handle child issues....<when we tried to see if we were ready to have children> .. we got the books "What to expect when you are expecting".. and on up to the book "What to expect in toddlers" .. and they have situations in there that we read together to see how he might handle a certain issue .. and then see how you would handle it.. and see if you can compomise together.... < you will be surprised how different two peoples point of views can be... everything from how your bf was raised to how you are raised... everthing plays a factor.. but you have to be on the same page ..before even thnking about a baby....>

I hope I have helped in some way!!!

Thanks for listening Elle and good luck to your future!!!

[GinnyBinny]

Elle,
It is not unusual to want to have a baby when you are in your teenage years. I have always dreamed of being a mother. I will be so happy when the day comes when I can hear my son/daughter say the word "mom" to me. It is not bad to dream about having a baby and being a mom, but you must also remind yourself of the reality of what it would be like if you do choose to become a mom right now at the age of 15. Yes at any age you can work your butt off and give all your love to your baby. Many young girls find themselves in the situation of being a young mother and they survive, but it makes it so much harder when you are young, and I have never heard from a young mother who said they think it is easier being a teen mom or that they would of choosen to be a teen mom rather than an older mom with a good job.

Have you figured out how the baby would be taken care of while you are at school and work? Are you asuming your parents will watch them while you are away? They probably have full times jobs ..so if they can't then you have to pay for child care which is very expensive

I became pregnant in highschool. Right when I found out I was pregnant the only choice I would consider was to parent my baby. No matter how much my parents talked to me about the cost and time and effort ,I didn't care. I couldnt let go of this baby growing inside of me. After talking with my parents, siblings, friends, and my boyfriend many times... I started to slowly realize that yes I could raise him, but it wouldnt be the best for him. I couldnt for sure say I would be able to affford all that he would need in the future we might of need to go on welfare and he may have to go without many things and I would have to work long hours and miss out on much of his childhood. I didnt want to not know if I would be able to afford what he needed, I wanted him to have the best so I decided to look into adoption and found out about open adoption. My bson is about 2 and 1/2 years old. Every time I see him and see all that he has it is a reminder of all that I couldnt of given him if I had kept him. He has two very loving parents that can afford a house with a backyard with a fun swing set, they can afford to go on vacations, go to water parks, buy him his favorite toys for christmas. His parents can afford for his mom to stay at home and take care of him so he has lots of one on one attention. When medical issues came up they had the money to give him what he needed. I have no idea how I would of been able to afford the medical care he needed. He also has two parents that love each other very much and I know are going to stay together forever. He isnt going to have to go through his parents going through a divorce. At seventeen I loved my boyfriend (the birthfather) and I still do love him, but if we had married then and raised a child I don't think we would of lasted. The teen years are a time of discovering who you are which includes discovering what you want in a relationship and in a future spouse. What you may believe is the one now may be the one for who you are now, but years to come trust me you will grow and be different. Who I was at seventeen and who I am now is very different. I knew that our realationship at the time was not mature enough to handle all the stresses that raising a child can bring. I am twenty now and know that we are still not ready. I thought about all of this when making my decision. Yes I wish that I could be his parent, but I know I couldnt of given him all that he has. I have my days when I just wish I could get pregnant again and be mommy, but I have to give myself a reality check and remind myself that my day will come.

While I was pregnant I didnt care about going out and having fun doing teen stuff. I just wanted to be able to keep and take care of my baby. I had even said "I don't care about going to prom and graduation".... well I was able to go to prom and graduation and while at a time I didnt think I would care. I did end up caring and am so glad I didnt miss it. You may feel one way and then months, years later feel another way. Don't forget that.

You can be a great mother, you can give your baby so much love, but love is not all a baby needs. They need time and they need you to have the money to afford all that they need. Remember unexpected expenses can come up.

If you still are certain this is what you want to do then do your research. Make a list of all the baby supplies you need and add how much that will all cost per month then add up medical expenses for pregnancy, post pregnancy, and for the pediatrician, add up the cost of day care if needed, and then figure out how you will be able to pay for all of this and how you will still have time to take care of your baby. Figure out how you will fit school in. Find and get a job that will give you the income you need. Talk to your boyfriend ask him what he will do to help pay for all the child will need. Ask him if he plans on helping 50/50. Ask him how he wants to raise children. Ask yourself how you want to raise children. Your views on how to raise a child may be different. Ask him if he wants to give up his teenager lifestyle and freedom and start to work longer hours, change diapers, and get no sleep. There are many important questions to answer before bringing a child into the world. This is a big decision as I am sure you know, but you need to remind yourself of how big of a decision it is and think about the babies future as well as you and your boyfriends future.

I wish you the best for you.

-Ginny

[mj77]

Elle,
I wanted desperately to have a baby when I was younger than you. I never got pregnant and I am so glad. When I was 16 I met a WONDERFUL man and had all my free time to date him because I didn't have a baby to care for. I got engaged to him when I was 17 then married him when I was 19. He would have never taken an interest in me had I been successful at having a baby before meeting him. I would have missed out on him. We have been happy for 10 years together now and have a son.

What can you offer a baby now that is so much better than what you can offer him/her years from now? Certainly not stability, what about a permanent father? Why don't you just enjoy life now. You have plenty of time to get pregnant when you truly know the man you want to settle down with. I don't know what I would do without my husband here. I admire single moms who can pull off parenting without a spouse, I know some women and they have told me it is difficult.

You owe it to your future baby to be the best mom you can be. Concider waiting until that time. Don't just act on hormones, that is irresponsible. You owe it to yourself to have yourself together too before adding a child into your life.

[bellax0x]

ok, i think this is going to be my last post here because I dont feel that I need to prove to other people that I'm ready to have a baby, I know I am. Over the past week I've been making up a budget and it's coming out very well. I'm also going to go to the library and get books out about pregnancy and raising kids... bye everyone

-Elle

[mj77]

It is NOT ABOUT YOU. It is going to be completely about that baby. I think you have shown everyone that you really only care about what you want. I am glad to see though that you are willing to read up on parenting and pregnancy though I hope and pray you wake up. Childen are blessings and deserve the best. A budget is great but, forgive me if I missed it in a post, do you even have a job? Are you old enough to be employed? Are you expecting us tax payers to support you? I am so sorry if you feel like you need a baby to make yourself important. I wish you could see what everyone else is seeing. We aren't all crazy you know.

[RiverGal]

mj77 ~ You and I are on the same page, here. This "whim" is no longer about two teenagers (one, just barely a teen), but is now involving a child. It is very sad, and I quit posting because Elle is still at the golden age of knowing everything and having all the answers. Trying to tell her what lies ahead is like spitting in the wind.

I hope she will stop to think that the child will need help with homework (requiring an educated parent), moral guidance ("well, YOU did it...why can't I?), and stability (rent doesn't pay itself). I still question what the parental stance is on this situation.

In my opinion, this whole situation of children raising children is very sad. According to the DCF in my state, before a 14 year old is even allowed to babysit, they have to pass a Red Cross Babysitting Safety Course.

Hopefully, she will find a way to keep a roof over her head and a few groceries on the table. Just a few more years, and her life could be so much different...an education behind her, a supportive father figure, and a much better chance at a bright future. So, so sad...

Just my opinion...

~Deb

[mj77]

Deb, you are completely right. I think I will be finished trying to offer any sense to this girl.

[Nicole28]

Wow...I have a REALLY big problem with this young girl's post. I'm an adoptee, and although my birthmother was 23 years old, had graduated from college, and was employed as a respitory therapist, it is safe to say that finances played a fairly large part in her decision to relinquish me for adoption. I don't know that for sure, but it's a safe bet. She may have WANTED to have a baby with all of her heart, too, just like 15 year-old Elle does. However, she had the ADULT capability to THINK of the long-term consequences, the LIFE EXPERIENCE and WISDOM to consider all her options, and the SELFLESSNESS to make a difficult but necessary choice. All of those things are crucial character traits that a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD just does not have - I'm 19, and I can tell you that I don't possess enough life experience to bring ANOTHER life into this world...some people even older than 23 cannot even make such a decision.

What bothers me is the lack of knowledge that Elle seems to have. I don't think she really KNOWS what it is like to be responsible for someone else's LIFE. At 15, I was really immature, really unexperienced, and not sure of who I was. Maybe this is uncalled for, or inappropiate, but I feel bad for the baby that Elle may bring into this world. No matter how much support or love or money that Elle may recieve, I feel like a baby born to another "baby" will be at a disadvantage somehow. I also think it's selfish of such a young person to ignore the long-term and have a baby just because they "want one."

I just needed to vent...but I'm still wondering, did Elle post on this ADOPTION forum with a sort of subconscious agenda? Maybe part of her wanted to be "talked out" of the idea...hmmm. I hope she makes the right choice.