[bellax0x]

ok, thanks..

-Elle

[emiliesfirstmom]

Hi Elle,

I am a birthmother to an almost two year old daughter. I placed my daughter for adoption when I was finishing up my undergraduate degree. I am now done with my second year of law school. I too have to wonder WHY you feel that being a 15 year old mother is ideal.

I will admit that when I was about your age, I really wanted a baby too. I wasn't even remotely close to having sex yet, but I just had this overwhelming mothering urge. I had to go to the doctor's office weekly for my allergy shots, and while I was there, I would read all the parenting magazines and fantasize about having a baby. So I do understand where you're coming from.

But I KNEW that I had to finish school, and that I had to be able to support myself and a child. And that isn't cheap. When I did get pregnant at 21, I wasn't able to make ends meet and provide for a child, support myself, and go to school.

79Nic gave you a great list of things that you and your baby will need. Go to the store and price these items. Sit down and really figure out how much it will cost to take of a baby BEFORE you create one. Can you make ends meet? There really isn't a way for you to do this on your own -- child labor laws prevent someone your age from working full time.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? I mean, does he know that you are planning to get pregnant? If he doesn't, TELL HIM NOW. He has a RIGHT to know what you are planning. He will be legally responsible for this child for the rest of it's life, and he has a right to know that you are doing this on purpose.

Do your parents know? They need to know what you are planning because at your age, THEY will be the ones providing the bulk of the financial support. How fair is that to them? That's hardly "ideal." How can it be the "right time" to have a baby when you have to rely on other people to support you financially???

You may think you are "ready" and that this is the right time, but it isn't. It's not fair to your boyfriend, to your parents, to you and certainly not to your baby.

[bromanchik]

Originally posted by bellax0x
[b]my boyfriend is 17 so he couldnt get in trouble../B]

Ellie,
Statutory rape is sex (defined not only as intercourse, but genital contact) with anyone under 16. It does not matter if the partner is also a minor. In many states they are sending kids to jail. It also puts them on the sex offenders list for 25 years. Do you really want that for your baby's father?

[bellax0x]

well, im not sure where you live. but here, he would only get in trouble if he was 18 or over and i was i think its 3 years younger then him.. since im within 2 years it wont matter.

-Elle

[Angelwings2002]

I am sorry BUT..I think you ned to back up and look at your situation. YOU are 15...my goodness..you are just a baby yourself.
I think we could all talk until we are blue in the face and our advise isnt going to be taken by you.

I know IF my daughter at the age of 15 was comtimplating having a baby...I would knock some sence into her..call it child abuse or whatever BUT a good buttwooping never hurt anyone.
Sorry thats just how I feel.

Obviously you are not mature enough to have a baby since you say this is an URGE you have...mature people know how to control their urges.

You need to consintrate on finishing your schooling,furthering your education (COLLEGE) and establishing some STABILITY for yourself before bringing a child into the world.

Your attitude seems like one of " I don't care what anyone thinks...this is what I WANT".
Thats is what is wrong with todays KIDS....they have no morals or respect for themselves or others..its all about what THEY want.
You have your whole life ahead of you...why have a baby at your age. Think about thisbaby you want so much ...put that baby first instead of YOUR WANTS.

I am sorry if I have come across as hard or cold to your situation it sickens me to see all these pregnant teens running around flaunting these innocent babies as if they were a prize for having sex. And WE the tax payers supporting these teens and their babies.

YOU are NOT ready to be a mother to anyone. Enjoy your teen years....theres a time for having children and I am sure this is not the right time for you or anyone else in their teens to do so.

[tearsofblood187]

" todays KIDS....they have no morals or respect for themselves or others..its all about what THEY want."

i totally disagree with you. not all kids are like that......


"it sickens me to see all these pregnant teens running around flaunting these innocent babies as if they were a prize for having sex."
what a terrible thing to say! i am going to be a teen mum.......not by choice but by accident. i am not going to flaunt my baby around like a prize! i am going to work hard and provide for it the best i can.........thats what most people do.

[bellax0x]

i, too dissagree with you. i dont think im selfish and i would also work my *** off to provide for my baby!

-Elle

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Tears-

If you choose to -- Flaunt your baby around! Absolutely!! He or She should be your pride and joy!

I think that what was said wasnt really directed to the whole teen population.
People make mistakes. There is a line between a mistake that you have to then take responsibility for and blatantly going out and knowingly doing something so irresponsible. The line isnt very big...but it is there.

Elle-

If you are planning on going out an making yourself a baby and then raising it....why are you on the adoption board??? You obviously arent looking to listen to anyone's advice...

So what ARE you looking for???

[Kellster]

Bella,

Just to be SURE about such an important decision, why don't you get a summer job as an au-pair/nanny/mother's helper so that you can get an idea of what it is really like to care for a baby 24/7? Along with the cuddles and yummy baby smell come sleepless nights, colic, sickness, worry, and a host of other things. These are hard enough to handle with life experience, a good husband and financial security. The idea may appeal to you less once you try it 24/7. It is definitely NOT the same reality as when you just go over to play with someone else's baby.

Good luck to you.

Kelly

[bellax0x]

i am, im spending 4 or 5 weeks with my aunt and little cousin.

-Elle

[RiverGal]

I am not MissngLinkInFl, she is my mom, but she showed me this and I wanted to give you an opinion from somebody in your shoes.

I'm 29, my oldest daughter is 13. I was just like you. I love my daughter, and my other 2 children, but life has not been easy. Their father left me to "go have some life" and my mom has helped me raise them. She watched them while I went back to school and helped me clothe and feed them. I had to go on welfare and I hated it because I was not raised that way.

I'm 29, and still not out of college because I have to go part time and work 50 hours a week at two jobs to make ends meet. If I had only finished my education first things would have been different for us. There is no much time left to have fun with them at the end of the week because I am so burned out.

You might think your 17 year old boyfriend will stay forever and be the awesome dad, but that is not always the way it is. The father of my children was my boyfriend from the time I was 13. Everybody thought we would always be together, but things aren't always a fairy tale. You should make sure you will be in a position to provide for your child without the help of anyone if he walks away, and he might. My mom tried to tell me that, but when I was your age, I still knew everything and had all the answers.

The older I get, the more I learn about how little I knew at your age. Some of my friends were not as lucky as me and didn't have family support. The state took their kids. I look back now and I am ashamed of the way I dumped responsibility off on everybody else. I don't have the luxury of looking back and saying "I" was the one who provided for my children.

Don't be in a hurry to grow up. It will come soon enough. I missed my prom, I can never go to a high school reunion, I can never go back to the days of being a carefree teenager. You say now you don't care about that stuff. I said that too. Now I wish I had listened. You really are not as smart and grown up as you think you are right now and I am not trying to be mean, just honest. You sound just like me.

Stacy (Debi's daughter)

[St.Ives]

it sickens me to see all these pregnant teens running around flaunting these innocent babies as if they were a prize

it sickens me to see anyone running around flaunting a baby like a prize, and teens certainly aren't the worst culprits in this department, as far as I can tell.

Stacy, your advice is sound, and your mother is a great lady and an inspiration, not just to you but to many of us in the adoption community. Please remember to give her a hug every day.

[Angelwings2002]

Originally posted by bellax0x
i am, im spending 4 or 5 weeks with my aunt and little cousin.

-Elle

And your point would be????????????
YOUR aunt will be looking after your cousin 24/7 NOT YOU...there is a BIG differance. YOU won't be getting up with the baby for feedings in the wee hrs of the night or changing the dirty diapers.
YOU will NOT take this child home with you when you leave your aunts.
PLEASE think long and hard about what you are contimplating here...

As for my comment about Teens in the world these days...I am sorry IF I offended anyone...I didnt mean to make a blanket statement..please accept my apology.

[bellax0x]

yes i will be taking care of this child all day, i change ALL his clothes ALL his diapers, feed him, take him out, clean the house, clean his mess, keep him occupied, give him baths. everything..

-Elle

[Angelwings2002]

[colorblue] As I stated in my first post...no mtter what YOU will do what YOU want with no reguard as to how you will care/ provide for this baby you so badly want.
But I must ask you this...why are YOU careing for your cousin and NOT his MOTHER????? [/color]