[cbradley64]

My daughter is 2 months pregnant and wants to marry the father. The father is a 19 year old unemployed, drug using, no car jerk. But of course she loves him. My husband and I thought about filing statatory rape charges to keep him away. Not sure if that would work. We want the baby to have a chance, a life with a good home.

First of all abortion has never come into the equation, and won't. Can we force her to give the baby up? Does he have parental rights over our minor since he is a legal adult?

I have a heavy heart over this whole thing. I have been married 20 years and have 6 beautiful children. I know what it takes to raise good children. I want what is best for a inocent child.

[BrandyHagz]

To answer your question about your rights regarding her child, there are none.

You cant make her place her child...but what you can do is get some counseling...you, dad, her, and the babies dad.

He has no rights over her, only the baby she carries. You still have parental rights over *her* but she has parental rights over her baby...

You have a tough road ahead of you...there is more at stake here than just the baby...please seek professional assistance...

[clubfisher]

Hi,
I read your reality and I am moved to write. I wonder how things have evolved so far... It's a tough 'place' to be and I imagine your daughter is more afraid and unsure than she can put to words.

I just want to share I'll pray. Wherever your family is at now, I hope you can figure how to manage and create something new out of this struggle.

Sincerely,
SF

[Voidra]

In reading the original post I can't help but wonder if you have talked to your daughter and asked her what SHE wants to do.

If you have raised 6 wonderful children and you know what it takes to be a good Mom then I bet you can also put yourself in your daughters shoes and know that if you don't support her in her choice then you may lose her forever.

I faced a similar situation when I was only 15. My Mother and I didn't have a good relationship again for 20 years! The unnecessary pain was horrible.

My daughter whos BF sounds very similar to your daughters boyfriend is not involved in her life and hasn't been since she was 1 year old. She is now 26 years old and happily married with three incredibly beautiful children of her own. She is also a full time college student and is the office manager in our business.

The road that has led us to where we are now was harder than I can even find words to describe but when i look at my family now - boy was it worth it!

The bottom line here Mom is that your daughter needs you on her side now more than ever in her life. Don't let her down or try to force her to make a decision that will haunt her for the rest of her life.

Finally, I can tell you from firsthand experience that if you are a good Mom you'll be an outstanding GrandMom - and your daughter will love you more than she ever imagined! You will also have a Grand child who will love you like you have never experienced before. I promise.

Good Luck to you and your daughter.

[Svnup2003]

I have to agree with Voidra. My sister in law had a baby when she was a teen and her mom forced her to place it for adoption. THere are hard feelings still today and its been 25 years. Please support your daughter. Help her be the best mom she can be if she chooses to parent the baby. Marrying the babies dad won't fix the problems..just possibly create new ones. I'd tell her to wait and not make any decisions right now. She can always get married later..she can never go back once its done. Grandma you have a HUGE role in this daughter's life. Find her support, There is a wonderful Organization called MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). Many of them will allow a pregnant mom to attend. Its sole mission is to help woman to become the best moms they can be. Keep us posted.

faith

[Free_to_be_me]

When my mom and dad found out that I was pregnant when I was 17, I'm sure they had a lot of things they wanted to say. What they did say, turned out to be perfect, though. They said "If you want to have an abortion, we will pay for it. If you decide to have this baby, we will support you any way we can. We can't be mom and dad to this baby, though. We will be grandma and grandpa, but we can't be mom and dad. " Even though they had definite ideas about the best thing for me, they let me make my own decisions. During my entire pregnancy, my mom never once told me what she thought I should do. Every time I asked her she told me I had to do what was right for me. Even though I wanted her input and advice, I am so grateful now that she made sure I was making my decision for myself without pressures from her and my dad.

Even though my decision effected many people, I am the person who has had to live with the results of my decision. If they had tried to influence my decision, I probably would have resented it and it would have caused me to question my own decision making skills.

I really hope that you are able to trust your daughter to make the best decision for herself and her baby and that you are able to support her no matter what she decides.

[3xamom]

Hi I am a birthmom and a young one at that my mother always insistead that I place and now when ever I miss my child I hate my mother. Although placing was the right thing to do I wish she would've let me decide that.

[Jackiejdajda]

3xamom

So many resentments from back then.. Do you have a relationship with your mom?

Jackie

[3xamom]

Hello
I still have a relationship with my mother yes I still get mad at her though for it but it wasn't her fault I am more mad at the guy who did it and my mother for not believing me at first and then blaming me and letting the rest of her awful family blame me I'm sorry you don't know what I'm talking about I will fill you in I was raped by at the time my boyfriend when asked by brother (who later threw him down a flight of stairs into what I like to call my gaurdian angels) why he did it he said because she wouldn't have a family with me willingly. The cops said it was my word against his (because he used the date rape drug) I wasn't awake until way after it happened and didnt relize anything different except his attitude he was nicer to me. But the courts also threatened to give him the baby my mom knew placing her was the only way to keep her from him she knew I had to do it so I can't hate her for making me place her but I do hate her for feeding me to the dogs when I needed her.

[hprestonalexand]

3xamom, I am very sorry for what you have endured. I hope you have sought counseling for yourself atleast. I could not emagine having been raped like that and then being forced to put your child up for adoption. Your story makes sense though, I can understand you being torn between being mad at your mom and not being mad at your mom. This is something only time and therapy can heal. Best of luck to you!

[hprestonalexand]

cbradley64, everyone here gave you excellent advice. The best way to go about this is to empethise with your daughter. Try not to say anything in haste, she will jump to the defence. Calmly, rationally, help her to see all of her options. Just let her know that you love her, show her that SHE can MAKE wise decisions.

[Jackiejdajda]

3xamom wrote..I wasn't awake until way after it happened and didnt relize anything different except his attitude he was nicer to me.

What a nightmare. I hope you keep writing about what happened to you.. Keep telling the world..

What happened was wrong.. Is wrong..

How old is the child? Do you have an open adoption?


Jackie

[MeggieC]

cbradley64, please please please heed the advice of those who posted. The bfather of my daughter sounds alot like your daughter's boyfriend. Right now, the main concern should be for her to not marry this man. This is not an environment you want your grandchild raised in, nor, I would wager, is it an environment your daughter wants her child raised in--not if she's honest with herself. Give her an environment that fosters her need to talk or think. In the ensuing months, as the due-date draws closer, she'll start having to make some tough decisions, but right now she can allow herself some time to think things over. She's only two months pregnant and probably still in shock over it. If she's really the wonderful child that you raised, she already in her heart knows what the right decision is for her, she just needs a neutral place to let that out. I can remember how stubborn I was.

[wish41more]

A charge for sagitory rape would definately keep him away, especially in CA. That's what I would do. Support your daughter as much as you can but keep that loser away from her!

[lil_ladybug]

i know you probably dont want to hear from me since i'm only 15 but i feel like i have to say something.the day before my fifteenth birthday i found out i was pregnant(some present)the father of my child was 26 and even though he had a great job and was financially secure that didnt appease my mothers anger in the least.she wanted me to give up my child and wanted to get him for statatory rape.i tried for two months to explain to her that it was my right as mother of the child to make my own decision but i didnt want us to drift apart b/c of that decision.she finally agreed that i should keep the baby but still wanted to do something about the father of my child.after alot of begging and pleading and trying to get her to understand she finally decided against it. i had my daughter on july 12th and everytime i see my mother holding her i'm just so glad that she didnt fight me the whole entire time.i was also happy that even though she was very very opinionatedshe didnt force me to accept her decision about what to do with my child.yes it's hard for me and will be hard for her(your daughter),but she did a very adult like thing and she should be able to do the responsible thing and deal with what comes afterwards.i know she's your daughter and you love her very much and want to spare her any heartache and struggles that you can but you also have to understand that with a situation such as this she's going to have to deal with emotional struggles no matter what is decided.i personally feel like you should let it be known to her that you will stick by her and love her unconditionally no matter what she decides. i'm sorry it was so long and thanks for listening.