[Delcrest]

My partner and I are at the 'waiting stage' of special needs adoption. Home study complete and sending them out weekly everywhere including Upper Podunk and Timbuktu. A co-worker of my partner just got her kids back from foster care (ages 5 and 7) who have been in foster care for three or four years. She is complaining that she does not know how to parent them since they were babies when they were taken away from her. And, that day care is costing her most of her earnings from her meager weekly wage. If that isn't enough, she is pregnant again and is due in September. She says there is no way she can keep this baby as the care for the three children would cost more than she makes. So, she is thinking about sending her two kids back to foster care and giving the new baby for adoption. We would be interested in adopting the newborn, but is this legal? How do we proceed? I surmise that since the child welfare agency has been involved, that she cannot privately adopt the 5 and 7 year old, but reasoning would tell me that the coming baby could be, since she has her other two kids back. Maybe my reasoning is flawed. Any help? suggestions? ideas? We would consider all three if we could get them.

[Sharon]

If your co-worker wants to place her baby for adoption, as far as I know it would be possible for you to adopt it privately through an attorney, as long as you've completed your homestudy and all the preliminary paperwork and been approved. Maybe you should broach the subject with her. The only problem as I see it is that it might not be comfortable for the two of you to continue working together after the adoption, and it sounds like she really needs this job, so you might have to be the one to seek other employment. I'm not saying you CAN'T still work together... I just can't imagine how either of you could be comfortable with it, not unless you have an incredibly open adoption arrangement where she is allowed to see the baby anytime she wants to. It would be very difficult for her to see YOU on a daily basis and not be able to see the baby.
If she's having problems caring for her other children, there may be programs that can help her. In my state, there are many resources for women in her position. There is a program called CCMS, (I believe it's a federal program, so perhaps they have it in your state as well) which offers financial assistance to low-income mothers to help them afford childcare... in fact, if they qualify, this program covers the entire cost of tuition for the children. There is also an organization called Any Baby Can, which offers free parenting classes and other support for single mothers. You might refer your co-worker to some programs in your area that could help her... your local Department of Health and Human Services could probably give you some idea of what resources are available. Best of luck to both of you. Sincerely, ~Sharon