[Mort2412]

Hi all

My wife and I married in July 2006 we have a 11 month old son together and my step daughter from my wife's previous marriage. She is 4 this month and has only known me as her daddy, my wife and I have been together since she was 18 months old.

There has been no contact between my step daughter and her birth father for nearly 3 years, last contact was in a contact centre arranged by the courts. He never showed up for 2 other visits the court then ruled that he could not have contact with my step daughter however he can give birthday/xmas cards and presents via my wife's parents address, he has never sent anything.

I want to know where I stand in adopting her, is there a law that says if there is no contact in 3 years then there is no need for his consent to adopt??

Or anything that would help me adopt her as from what I gather he is the sort to refuse the adotion out of spite and just to be awkward.

[MrsHoot]

First off I want to commend you for wanting to take this next step with your family. It takes a loving heart to do this. And I'm not sure if this helps or not and...it may be different where you live but in my home state our Laywer told us that we only needed 6 months with no contact to show "abandonment" and thus start the step-parent adoption paperwork. Even if EX is spiteful he may not have a choice as the courts look it as no contact-no rights....at least this was the impression our laywer gave us.

It sounds like you already have a case in motion (court ordered visits and all) so contact your attorney right away and indicate that you want to push forward with an adoption ASAP...IMHO 3 years is a long time, and one would think the courts would side with you and the stable home you are providing.

Best of Luck! And keep us updated, we'll all be here though the good times and bad for you!

C.

P.S. As a birth mother I feel like I also had to include one little suggestion for you...one day you will need/want to tell you daughter who her bio-father is...make it easy on yourselves, these things will be surprisingly hard to recall in 25 years, and write down everything you/your wife know about him and put it away for whenever she needs it. (example info: DOB, parents names, SS#, and family/medical info)

You never know, it might be interseting for her to read your thoughts on the adoption when she's an adult - you love her so much here's what you went through just to "call her yours" kind of thing but even if it's just a file vs. a journal put everything in there, that way you are prepared and not stressed when that day finally comes.

Hope anything I've said has been helpful! I admire you for what you are doing, the world needs more caring and accepting men like you!! (3 cheers!)