[heather_78]

Hi,

I'm just wanting any help that i can get right now....
My son is in yr1 at the local primary school, and has known this boy (same class) for 3 years now.
2 years ago this boy was taken into foster care along with 5 siblings, 3 babies 3 school aged.
the babies were adopted early on by birth relatives, and older boy gone to new family also. this leaves 1 girl aged 9 and this boy in my sons class.
this boy is one of the sweetest things you've ever seen, outgoing, polite, funny etc.
anyway i was talking to his foster mum a few days ago when she told me that he'd had 5 adoptive homes fall through since september 2005!!! they wanted younger children!
i'm now considering applying to adopt him, will social services allow this as we know him so well already??

thanks
Heather

[ingodshands]

Heather

I cannot give you the answer as to whether Social Services would allow this little boy to be adopted by yourself, only they can give you that answer! I cannot see any reason why they would have a problem though, they advertise on websites that prospective adopters can be single, gay, married, divorced etc, they do not single people out not to be suitable for adoption, (which they shouldn't!) unless there are good grounds to do so, such as a criminal record/activity etc.


The main thing you really need to think about is the five prospective adoptive homes that have fell through recently, you need to be sure you are 100 per cent sure on what you are doing, that it is what you want as to ensure this little boy doesn't go through failed placement No: 6!

Also, I wanted to add, he has an older sister, but you only mention adopting him? It looks like the siblings have already been seperated from their other siblings for whatever reasons, would you not consider adopting his sister along with him?

Anyway, the best thing that you can do if you are sure about this, is to ask his Foster Mum if she will talk to Social services on your behalf (as she knows you) and state your interest in adopting.

Collette

[ingodshands]

The other thing I want to add too, is that you say the little boy is sweet, polite, funny etc.

Please take into consideration that this little boy has had several placements and may have emotional/behavioural problems that you do not see when you see him at school! He may not, but there is a very strong possibility that he will have, seeing him in an outside home environment is not the same as living with him full time! Adoption is a lifelong committment, you take the good with the bad and work through it, and I am sure foster/adoptive mother's on this forum would agree, sometimes it is emotionally and physically draining on them as parents

Collette

[heather_78]

hi collette

I have only mentioned adopting him as i don't have the room for the girl also,

and social services want them placed seperatley.

whenever i read up on adoption they state that there should be 2 year age gap between the children, and in my case they would only be a year (this boy is a year older than my son but in the same class as they kept him back a year in nursery as he wasn't ready for school!)

I also know just how hard it is to parent a child that is not your own, as i had my friends daughter living with me for a few months.

[ingodshands]

I want you to read my second post before I respond!

[heather_78]

Originally Posted by ingodshands

I want you to read my second post before I respond!

have just edited my post

[BrandyHagz]

ingodshands,

I actually walked away from reading her first post with a different feelings, so I'd like to ask a question if I could.

Heather,

You said, "she told me that he'd had 5 adoptive homes fall through since september 2005!!" so I'd like to ask, because I know things are done differently in the UK/Ireland than they are here in the states...when you said, "he'd had 5 adoptive homes fal through" do you mean he actually physically went there to live and they elected NOT to go thru with the adoption - or do you mean his file has been presented to five families in the last five months, and they've all declined him due to age?

That's a very important question - because 5 homes in 5 months could mean something VERY different than 5 people turning him down on paper, because of age.

[heather_78]

he didn't actually live with them, just he keeps being turned down for babies/younger kids

he has been with the same family since he went into foster care

[ingodshands]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

ingodshands,

I actually walked away from reading her first post with a different feelings, so I'd like to ask a question if I could.

Heather,

You said, "she told me that he'd had 5 adoptive homes fall through since september 2005!!" so I'd like to ask, because I know things are done differently in the UK/Ireland than they are here in the states...when you said, "he'd had 5 adoptive homes fal through" do you mean he actually physically went there to live and they elected NOT to go thru with the adoption - or do you mean his file has been presented to five families in the last five months, and they've all declined him due to age?

That's a very important question - because 5 homes in 5 months could mean something VERY different than 5 people turning him down on paper, because of age.

That is a very good question Brandy, and I would like to know the answer to that also if I were considering adopting.

[ingodshands]

Originally Posted by heather_78

he didn't actually live with them, just he keeps being turned down for babies/younger kids

he has been with the same family since he went into foster care

So he didn't get placed with 5 seperate families then? He gets turned down for placements, ok.

The family he is with now, are they not interested in adopting him?

[heather_78]

Hi,


His foster mum can't adopt him, our local social services has a foster only or adopt only policy for some reason.
however i have asked her this question and she wants to continue fostering so if she adopts him she can't foster as she only has a 2 bedroomed house (single parent with a bio son, the kids share a room) so she wouln't have the space for any more.

she has said she's dreading him going as she's become so attatched to him, and hopes he goes to a good home.

[BrandyHagz]

he didn't actually live with them, just he keeps being turned down for babies/younger kids

he has been with the same family since he went into foster care

To me, that’s a WHOLE different thing. I think, if you feel you can parent another child, then you should go for it! Older kids need homes and parents too - and while foster parents are great (I mean that, they are wonderful folks!) they just can't take the place of a mom and dad (or two moms or two dads or even a single parent) and permanency.

All I can suggest at this time is that you call your local child welfare office (or whatever they call it there in the UK) and go from there.

Here in the US – Social Services doesn’t really have a problem with placing a child in a home where the child knows the family. In fact, I think in a lot of cases, provided the home will pass all of the required inspections, they prefer it.

So, my official suggestion: Go for it! Make the call, find out what you can and go from there. Its better to get the official answer and have it be no, then to never know if it could have happened or not and spend the rest of your life wondering…

[ingodshands]

Originally Posted by heather_78

Hi,


His foster mum can't adopt him, our local social services has a foster only or adopt only policy for some reason.
however i have asked her this question and she wants to continue fostering so if she adopts him she can't foster as she only has a 2 bedroomed house (single parent with a bio son, the kids share a room) so she wouln't have the space for any more.

she has said she's dreading him going as she's become so attatched to him, and hopes he goes to a good home.

Well in that case, I wish you luck, and if it's truly what you want, what are you waiting for!!

It will be hard on him leaving his current home, as he will have become attached, but if he is going to his forever home it will be worth it

I would get on the telephone to the relevant Social Services department and start the ball rolling

Collette

[heather_78]

hi


i have sent them an email asking if i can apply to adopt a specific child who is not related, and i'll call into their office tomorrow and ask, and see what they say.

This little boy is going to start coming for tea (just as a friend though,nothing more!!).. once a fortnight so we can get to know him properly and he can get to know us, then i'll be able to get to see how my kids and this boy get along without them knowing whats going on, as if it doesn't work out they'll still be friends and he can still visit us.

[ingodshands]

Originally Posted by heather_78

hi


i have sent them an email asking if i can apply to adopt a specific child who is not related, and i'll call into their office tomorrow and ask, and see what they say.

This little boy is going to start coming for tea (just as a friend though,nothing more!!).. once a fortnight so we can get to know him properly and he can get to know us, then i'll be able to get to see how my kids and this boy get along without them knowing whats going on, as if it doesn't work out they'll still be friends and he can still visit us.

Good idea Good luck!!! Let us know what happens...fingers crossed for you and him

Collette