Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums.
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories

Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-31-2012, 07:04 AM
saltyqueen saltyqueen is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 15
Total Points: 34,208.53
Fastest way to adopt a newborn

I'm sure this is the upteenth post with the question in the title, and I'm not sure if I should be posting in a different forum, so pardon me if i'm in the wrong place.

My husband and I are older parents of a 3.5 year old (she arrived via gestational surrogacy after years of infertility). We are now, late in the game, thinking about the possibility of adoption. But given our ages (40s) it isn't practical or do-able for us to adopt a child if we have to wait much longer than a year, and we would only be interested in adopting a healthy newborn. I would love to give our daughter a sibling (and have a strong preference for having another girl) but am ready to accept being a one child family, too, if that's what's in the cards.

Can anyone give me a sense of the reality of the situation. We are open to any ethnicity, and from my preliminary research it seems as though registering with an agency in TX or Fl or CA might be a good avenue to try for adopting a Hispanic baby. We live in CT though.

Thanks so much for reading!

Reply With Quote
Adoption Information
Become an adoption forums premium member to enjoy these Membership Benefits:
  • Remove Advertising
  • Unlimited Arcade
  • Unlimited Attachments
  • Increased PM Storage
  • Calendar Posting
  • Larger Avatars
  • Personal Page
  • Just $19.95 / yr!

Old 05-31-2012, 01:37 PM
allwhohope allwhohope is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 488
Total Points: 27,998.89
IMHO, being open to all genders, ethnicities and having a good budget will be key factors. I would also assume - again IMHO - that a larger agency would be key so that you have access to be shown against multiple offices v. just one. I don't think that I can list agencies here but I spoke with lots across the country when we were doing our research so if you want more details, PM me. Also, in the times that we have been presented to emom, it doesn't seem that one state comes up more than another. PM me for more details. I can't necessarily agree that TX or FL or CA would "give you a better chance" it is all about the agency, their mode of marketing, etc.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 02:45 PM
sugarandspice697 sugarandspice697 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 462
Total Points: 50,012.60
To be quite frank with you, if you are looking to adopt a newborn baby within one year.... I suggest you reconsider adoption as a whole.

Although I understand that both you and your partner are in your 40s and you want to be a parent before you become "too old", its difficult - if not impossible to predict how long its going to take to adopt a baby. An agency can only give you an estimate for how long the process is going to take and sometimes factors that are outside of your control (your age, the number of children you have, your ethnicity, your budget, how open you are to health risks the baby might have etc.) can greatly affect how long you wait. Although its usually quicker to adopt a Black baby - no agency can guarantee that the wait will be less than one year.

To be honest with you, if you are interested in having a healthy baby in less than one year, I would strongly suggest that you go back to surrogacy. I used fertility treatments twice (I have to update my signature since I have three children now. lol) and adopted once and trust me, the wait times are for adoption are much less predictable than fertility treatments.

Second, I am curious, you mentioned that you are open to all races? If so, why are you only mentioning that you could adopt a Hispanic child from California and some other states. Are you truly open to all racial backgrounds including a "full" African American child?
Our First Journey Through Embryo Donation/Adoption

2002-2005: Several failed IUIs, IVFs and miscarriages.
Early 2004: Started dating DP
January - March 2005: Started researching adoption and heard about embryo donation
March 1st 2005: Home study application is sent to agency
July 9, 2005: I'm officially waiting to matched
April 8, 2006: "Married" DP
November 25th 2007: Matched with Firefly's embryos
December 19th 2007: First embryo transfer with two grade A embryos = Big Fat Negative
January 21, 2008: Second embryo transfer with two A Grade embryos = Big Fat Positive!!
October 25th 2008: Firefly is born!!

Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 03:16 PM
Momma-Emme's Avatar
Momma-Emme Momma-Emme is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 19
Total Points: 5,770.06
I'll be honest, we are a bit younger than you and were open to all ethnicities and minor special needs and it took 3 years from start to placement.
My feeling is that you would probably experience a similar thing but I am not entirely sure why your age means the process has to be so quick; surely a couple more years won't really matter?
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 05:08 PM
theLBs's Avatar
theLBs theLBs is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,640
Total Points: 55,220.37
We used a consulting agency who linked us to multiple agencies. While we were open to all races, we preferred full AA or biracial/AA. Our fast match was because DH is AA and Peanut's mom wanted at least one parent to be AA. We went consulting agency route because we knew it would widen the pool we'd be shown to...And hopefully decrease our wait. I was 41 and DH was 39 when Peanut came home.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 05:36 PM
ruth74 ruth74 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,618
Total Points: 120,802.81
As others have said, no one can guarantee your wait time. Agencies will give you an estimate, but it is just that - an estimate. I ended up waiting twice as long as my agency estimated. I was open to any race, substance exposure, moderate medical issues... really most things. I did end up adopting a healthy newborn, but I had the opportunity to be shown more often based on my openness to other issues. Generally (though certainly not always) people who have more limitations end up waiting longer. I don't want to discourage you from adopting, but you definitely want to consider first whether you are really committed to that 1 year time frame. What would you do if you had been waiting a year and were not yet matched? Other things can also take longer. My homestudy was not completed until almost 5 months after I chose the agency; although that is longer than normal, because the social worker left and they needed to schedule me with someone else, things like that can happen. Adoption, even before getting matched, can be very expensive as well as emotionally draining, so if you would give up after a year if you were not matched, you may not want to invest the time or emotion in the process.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 09:07 PM
saltyqueen saltyqueen is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 15
Total Points: 34,208.53
Thank you for taking the time to reply! I appreciate that. I'm getting a better sense of what it would take to adopt and how much time and energy I'd have to invest, so thank you for that. I'm not sure I have it in me, to be honest. I love my daughter more than anything and would love to give her a sibling but I do feel as if my age is a big barrier for lots of reasons. I have thought about revisiting surrogacy but we'd have to go the traditional surrogacy route (as opposed to gestational surrogacy) which is a lot riskier.

Anyway, thank you very much for your input!

Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2012, 11:24 AM
Waiting_on_God's Avatar
Waiting_on_God Waiting_on_God is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 239
Total Points: 77,095.23
I would suggest you contact who we are working with, and they have very quick matches, esp. if you're open to other ethnicities besides Caucasian. But if you're serious about adopting, you should get a home study rolling since that can take a while. PM me for more information.

Decided to adopt: 10/29/10----Homestudy approved: 5/20/11
Unsuccessful match: 11/18/11

July, 2012--"Smiley Girl" born and placed in our arms!!!
5.10.13 and 8.16.13--two losses: bio and adopt
April 30, 2014--Smiley's adoption FINALLY finalized!
8.9.14--adoption loss--mom changed mind after birth

Meekness is seeing God's dealings with me as good and therefore accepting them without resistance."
-D.L. Moody

Last edited by momraine : 06-01-2012 at 01:27 PM.
Reply With Quote

Old 06-01-2012, 01:28 PM
momraine's Avatar
momraine momraine is offline
Mom to my kids

Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,436
Total Points: 1,694,570,273,931,072.25
Remember all agency discussion must be done via PM per our tos rules that you agreed to when you signed up.
Lorraine Mom to:
S- my 21 year old son -Aspergers, but doing great!
W - my 19 year old son- caretaker to all.
P- My 15 year old Russian princess, two prosthetic legs, dancer extraordinaire Home June 2000
M- 14 RAD, No legs, one arm, fast wheels!
Home Nov. 2006 from Poland!
Dh - Often just another child, but mostly my best friend and a pretty understanding guy.
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

Moderator Go team!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2012, 03:32 PM
MB80sgirl MB80sgirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 834
Total Points: 29,895.68
Originally Posted by Waiting_on_God
I would suggest you contact who we are working with, and they have very quick matches, esp. if you're open to other ethnicities besides Caucasian. But if you're serious about adopting, you should get a home study rolling since that can take a while. PM me for more information.
Can you PM me the agency too?
Married to Matt since 6-22-02
Mom to Nicole Brianne, born 9-17-09
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2012, 03:44 PM
BestMomEver BestMomEver is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 6,443
Total Points: 215,537.59
You might also consider fostering if you think you can handle having to give a baby back. I think you are a little tight on hoping for a year with a private adoption. What would you do after a year? Just walk away? Hold out for another year? I do think it can be done if you are open to all ethnicities, generally open to some sort of post adoption contact (at least through letters) and your budget is large enough.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2012, 08:10 PM
Vogi2002's Avatar
Vogi2002 Vogi2002 is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,339
Total Points: 3,533,991.74
I would just make sure you are having a baby to have another child, rather than just for giving your child a sibling. I hope that makes sense.....
"Sometimes on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a better one!"
Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2012, 03:34 AM
becky's Avatar
becky becky is offline
Go Cards!
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 8,564
Total Points: 34,130,938,597,288.07
In all honesty, I think your budget is probably the single biggest factor in how long your wait will be. If you have a high budget you will be able to be shown on many situations that people who have a lower budget cannot even consider.

We are were 45 and 46 and parents of 5 kids when we adopted. Those are both big factors going against us...but we had 3 matches in less than a year (the first two didn't work out for various reasons), but from start to finish it was 11 months from when we started our homestudy to when we brought home our daughter.

We didn't sign with just one agency...we used multiple agencies and referral services and our 3 matches actually came from 3 different agencies.

It's possible, if you are willing to do the work and you have a budget that allows you the flexibility to work with different agencies.

Best of luck!!!
Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 01:50 PM
DrAmanda's Avatar
DrAmanda DrAmanda is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 823
Total Points: 83,984.94
You can see our timeline in my signature. No agency can guarantee a fast match, but we had a very short wait. Our budget was not THAT large in comparison to a lot of people, but we were open to any race and some substances (but our son was not exposed to any). Our agency told us that would make our wait much shorter, and it did even though the substance abuse wasn't an issue with J's b-parents.

Our agency almost always has available adoption situations which they aren't able to match with their current PAPs usually due to substance issues or very high budgets. So, a high budget can help too.
Married to my hubby for 11 years.
We are blessed with two amazing children (one biological dd and one adopted ds).

We waited only 55 days before we were matched with our son.
He was born and in our arms just 2.5 weeks later.

Last edited by DrAmanda : 06-06-2012 at 01:58 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 04:10 PM
sak9645 sak9645 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,909
Total Points: 93,919.82
I am single and adopted internationally when I was 51. My daughter was 18.5 months old at the time, and is 16 years old now. Frankly, I have not felt that parenting at my age has been particularly difficult. Yes, I've had less sleep, less time for myself, and less money than I would have had if I hadn't adopted, but frankly, those things pale beside the joy I've had in parenting my daughter.

I know that, domestically, many birthmothers do not choose older couples, as the couiples may be as old as their GRANDparents. Still, it is not impossible to find a birthmother who is open to an older couple, especially if you do a private adoption. So even if it takes more than a year to complete an adoption, I would say, "Go for it!"

Sharon, age 69
"65 is the new 45!"
Mom to Rebecca
born 10/18/95
adopted 5/5/97
Xiamen (Fujian prov.), China
Reply With Quote

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:05 AM.