[wornout]

We are a caucasion family and we adopted two children who are mixed. AA/Caus. When we go places, we are stared at greatly by mostly AA people. And AA people in my church seem to treat them differently than my bio kids. Kinda like "Poor AA kids, we have to give them extra attention because they are different from the rest". I could give sooo many examples of things that have happened, but Im just wondering if it happens to others.

Do others who have adopted children who look different than them, get this kind of treatment also?

I get some smiles and nice treatment from AA people. I have a lot of AA friends, but also the other way around.

[oceanica]

I haven't noticed anything like that, although it would probably go over my head in all liklihood (I am a clueless person!)
I generally see curious looks and stares when we are out (we have two babies who are aa). I really don't notice any negativity. I do get a lot of questions like "are they twins?" or "are they brother and sister?"
And one black lady at bath and body works asked me about 7 times "is she REALLY yours?!!!"

[arkansas parent]

I know exactly what you mean. I don't know how many times people have told me "T" ( our only biracial child) is the sweetest,nices,greastest kid even if they just meet him and he hasn't even spoken to them (or is misbehaving). At our baby's adoption everyone kept talking to "T" and ignoring the baby. People will talk to him and act as if he is alone, when the whole family is standing right there. We have only gotten it from CC people, DH thinks it is their way of saying, see look I'm not racist.

[Cjmeck]

Oh yes... Did you have your bio kids first? My bio son was 5.5yo when we adopted our DD. So, having parented a CC kid alone for over 5 years, I can honestly say that YES, we are treated differently and are living a different experience since we adopted our AA/CC daughter. Overall, its by far a wonderful experience for both of my children and we are just a regular family. The negativity we received was by FAR greater when we lived in Ohio (we just moved to Colorado a few months ago). And always, always worse when I was out alone with one or both kids. But when we are within our military community, the great majority of people do not notice us all. I love that we really do blend in there, its just so diverse and nobody thinks anything of us. I do think part of the attention (negative or positive) has to do with the part of the country you are in as well. Also, in regards to AA people, I don't know that its necessarily pity, but rather our kids being "claimed" by their predominate race. I'm okay with that, I love that they acknowledge that "hey, you're one of us!". When we lived in Hawaii, there was often an anti-military sentiment we felt from locals. So, when we were off base, and saw another military family (its fairly obvious) we always gave the smile and nod to eachother just saying that yes, we recognize that we all belong to the same club, lol. I think its kind of the same thing with minorities.

[KLL08]

At first we didn't get too much attention as our DD was fairly light at birth, but now that her color has darkened to a beautiful dark brown we get noticed more. If we are all together no one will say anything really. But lately if I am out with her alone we draw more attention. Most of the time I ignore it. We've only had 2-3 really bad experiences with racism, so when it happened the last time it totally caught me off guard. I wrote about it in my blog. But overall I think most of the attention we get is curiousity or as a previous poster said people being overly nice to try to make a point that they are not racist.

[joskids]

We're an interracial couple with 4 adopted children that are AA and biracial. We've probably gotten used to "attention" (all good) because of our couple status and haven't noticed much in terms of our children. Other than they are all physically beautiful kids and lots of folks have commented on that. I've noticed, though, my AA female friends seem to really appreciate that I'm mom to these kids and I appreciate that they feel that way.

[loveajax]

Even though DD is biracial, i think most people think she is our bio child (or grandchild...gotta dye those greys!) so we don't get a lot of stares and/or comments.

We (DH, DD and I) were out one night with our white friends (a lesbian couple) and their DD who is much darker than DD. It was definitely "visible" how much people were staring at them (but also "smiling" -- and people wanted to introduce themselves, etc. It was generally "positive," but also kind of weird! And of course, since DD loves being the center of attention, i think her nose was out of joint!).

Some people frankly are against TRA. That's their issue to deal with, not yours. Also, I think kids pick up on whether YOU are comfortable or not...so practice not letting people "get" to you and kill them with kindness! In any event, i am sorry you are getting negative reactions.

[sunshinemomma]

Maybe they just think that you have a lot of lovers and are wondering how you find the time...............

[wornout]

Maybe they just think that you have a lot of lovers and are wondering how you find the time.....

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

[sugarandspice697]

My partner and I are both AA and our daughter is Asian.

When I'm alone with Firefly, people sometimes ask if she's my biological child. When I'm with DP, I notice people stare a lot and are more likely to ask questions but the stares or the weird questions don't bother me.

We occasionally get the "poor little girl" syndrome because people assume that she's from China and we "rescued" her from the poverty and sexism.

[WizardofOz]

Never got treated differently, not even once. People always assume that my kids are my bio kids. In particular, no AA folks staring/encouraging ... nothing.

I am Caucasian/Jewish, son is Cambodian, daughter is biracial Marshallese/black. I do not know how it is that people assume that my two kids are half white (as my bios should be) but that's how it is. It's actually boring.

I am a passionate advocate of transracial adoption and would not shy away from "educating" somebody on the topic but alas, so far no need. Once, I asked a lady, who was very surprised when I told her that my son was adopted, why she thought he was my bio child. She said "it's just the way you two look together, I would have never thought". People have also told me more than once that my son and I resemble each other. Beats me.

[buttascotchbaby]

Originally Posted by sunshinemomma

Maybe they just think that you have a lot of lovers and are wondering how you find the time...............

This crosses my mind a LOT! LOL Especially being a single mom I often think that when people see me out with all (5) of my kids they must think "Wow, she really got around!" ROFL With my two older boys being AA mixes, then my AD being lighter (Samoan/Tongan/Hispanic/AA) & my two current foster daughters being as white as can be I think people must think "well, she had "the black experience" but ended up coming back to a nice white guy" LOL

You can see (hopefully) how much this (what other people think) really bothers me

Seriously though, living in Hawai'i, where I know we are lulled into a false sense of security, because it is SO ethnically diverse, I cannot think of anytime I have been treated differently because of my kids being darker than me. I worry about what may happen if we were to have to live in the Mainland sometimes...

We did have funny thing happen recently when my ASon started the new school year and his homeroom teacher kept saying "You are Malik's (Bio Son) brother? Really?? I just don't see it". Since they are 7 months apart, in the same grade and DO look very diffrent... It was so funny 'cause my son wouldn't explain anything to her, just kept nodding and saying yes, he was Malik's brother

Srry, that may have all been slightly OT

[Forever_family]

When I was a newly christened Foster parent my first long term placement was an adorable AA little boy. I think because I put off a sort of "open" quality I got a lot of comments from AA. Usually negative. I even had an AA woman cashier at my favorite store (not) Walmart tell me "you should give him back to his people." I said something like "well that would be hard considering both his mother and father are in jail." I had one AA woman come up to me and say "He is 'so and so's son'" (no idea who she was talking about.) "I can tell by the way he smiles..., what are you doing with him!?!" She was not referring to his actual mother...and his mom got a kick out of it when we talked about it. I wasn't laughing, she scared me!

I got some pretty bad looks, cussing under breath, off handed remarks loud enough for me to hear but passive enough that it was hard to deal with. So ya, for me, I certainly noticed a HUGE difference.

But then I stopped it. How? I am not entirely sure. I just don't care anymore. I hold my head up and I smile at anyone who looks at me. I am closed. I dont' give any information, I used to be a vomit mouth because I was so nervous and had had negative interactions and was automatically defensive. If asked anything I just say "this is my son." Thats is I don't let it open for any discussion, not about adoption, not about anything....I find that I am not treated differently if I go this course becuase I think if there is a negative feeling its pretty obvious I don't care and I'm not going to listen. If I get a look I smile back. But to be honest I don't even notice that anymore, I really don't. I also noticed something when we travel. It depends on where we are, how we are received. When we are on the South I mean EVERYONE that I've encountered that is AA has been open and friendly to us in an overly friendly way. Also while in FL this summer we got a lot of looks but we never got the stare down I tend to get here in upstate NY. I had the most positive comments I have ever had, to the point it was sort of irritating but not enough that I am complaining.

We live near the most depressed city (economy) in NY. There is a huge socio economic devide between the AA community and the CC community, we have a large influx of immigrants in the same city, there is also a divide between them and the CC and AA communities, ugh! Why? I mean aside from the obvious reasons, but I am hopeful that in the future this devide I notice is less and less pronounced or honestly I think we will just relocate. Something else I've notierd from day one in this state, people in NY are sort of rude-and that is just the way we are here. Anyway I'm sure you didn't want my random thoughts on this but that is what I've noticed and its something I have thought a great deal on.

[Barksum]

Dh is (presumably...we don't have info, so we're guessing) CC, but dark. He's very dark compared to me (I'm like the Pillsbury Dough Boy) and has very dark hair. I'm lighter skinned and have brown-ish hair. I'm very short, he's tall. We're pretty opposite in many physical ways. This has worked well since we have kids who are CC, light skinned, blue eyes, freckles, and kids who are Latino and S. American native, complete with very dark (black) hair, dark brown eyes, darker skin. We do get comments about whether or not our kids are siblings or not. We were at the park one day and another mom was sitting nearby watching her kids play, and observing my family as well. My red-hair, blue-eyed, freckle faced child and my Latino child were playing together and I said something about, "Get your brother...". The lady looked at me and smiling, said, "I wondered if they were siblings or friends." She said she'd gone back and forth, watching them interact and trying to decide if they were close friends or sibs.

What we get more often is people thinking that our oldest DD is the mom of some of the little ones. She's horrified when people make this mistake, and is quick to point out that they are her little brother/sister.

Most people haven't said much, other than the whole 'you are a saint' spiel. I assume they make negative comments behind our backs, for the most part.

[Steph-Jason]

When it's just DD & I, I don't get too many stares. Most people assume she's my bio & that she's biracial. When DH, DD & I are together (DH is very fair & blond while I'm dark with dark brown curly hair)- we tend to get alot of stares. But it doesn't seem like it's negative looks, just more curious looks. We have gotten some off the wall questions which I think are peoples way of just asking about our adoption. I've only had one negative experience & it was from 2 AA women who worked for me. Though- I think it was more that both girls were upset that I had to do disciplinary action rather than having issues with TRA.