[7brats]

Hi All,
Let me formaly introduce myself.My name is Carrie and I have been on these blogs for some time now.
I am an AA female who is married to a CC male.We have 8 children,3 bio and 4 adopted. They range in age 11 to 24.
We are looking to adopt again,however in the past we have come up with opposition because we want to adopt a CC child. When I went to my first agency they said it was not impossible but pointed us to only AA and Bi racial children.That was fine and through them we adopt 4 beautiful multi racial children.
I left that agency and went to another agency that told me flat out NO !!
Fine, we found our current agency who placed 2 beautiful HIS girls with us,who we thought we would adopt but were crushed when they went to family.
Anyway,we have moved on and found a little girl who we are interested in and now our agency seems like they have disappeared!!! I mean they don't answer the telephone or return our email messages.
I am wondering from other families how have adopted out of their race how difficult was it and did you find an agency to support your wishes.
How did it all work out for you,because right now for me...I am having a hard time

[SupaModel]

Welcome!! I'm AA and my husband is CC as well. I totally hear what you are saying. If I wanted to adopt a CC baby (for whatever reasons) I get because your AA then why would you wanna adopt a CC baby when there are AA babies out there. I feel its a double standard because CC couple can adopt AA's and they are considered such good people for that but if AA wanted to adopt out of our race then we suffer from some kind of self hate etc...

Honestly when I first came to these boards I got soooo much crap because I wanted a BR child. Like why not full AA? What's wrong with you etc... I found that VERY annoying! I feel as though us raising a CC child is unheard of and the damage we are doing to that child. Arrgh... I could go on forever.

I dont know many AA's who have adopted out of their race but there are a few on here and sure they will have great advice. I know Comittedsoul adopt her and he's CC but I think she got a lot of crap at first when she was trying to do that.

Good luck!

[7brats]

Thank you for your support and I am so glad that there are others out there who have experienced what I am going through.
May I ask, did you adopt a caucasin child,or did you adopt biracial?
I was blessed to adopt a sibling group.The little boy is bi- racial(bio mom was CC and father AA)the little girl looks CC with a little tan(bio mom CC and father bio racial) and straight hair.
I agree that CC families do it,then why would it be different for us?

[SupaModel]

My sons bmom is BR and Bdad is AA. To me that's basically AA but the agency listed him as Biracial. When I first looked into adoption I thought about going to Russia. I thought i couldnt deal with the whole not knowing if bmom would change her mind etc...

I contacted a agency and although my husband is blonde blue eyed I just felt uneasy adoption a child like that. I guess i was more afraid of what everyone would say because he/she wouldnt look anything like me. So they told me they had some gypsy children who were darker and wouldn't stand out as much. Even still I was worried what other people would say.

Years later we decided to do domestic and just go for a BR because we wanted a blend of us. Although DS isn't 100% BR he does look like he could be our child and I really like that. If I adopted again I would say BR only because now having him I know I just dont wanna explain our life story to everyone. KWIM??

It's funny because my girlfriend is AA and her husband is CC and their bio daughter looks totally CC. She has had ppl asked if that was her daughter etc... so I guess even if we have bio kids we could still even up dealing with the questions.

[sugarandspice697]

Our daughter is not Caucasian but we did adopt trans racially. Firefly is Chinese American and we are both African American. We also faced some opposition but it wasn't as severe as you mentioned. Firefly was conceived through embryo donation and African American embryos are not that common. Most clinics we talked to had a wait time of 2-4 years for AA embryos whereas the wait for Caucasian embryos was less than a year - sometimes they even had embryos waiting to be matched. We weren't discouraged (nor encouraged) to adopt trans racially because they knew we would face a long wait for an AA child. However, that isn't to say that we didn't face ANY opposition because there were a few clinics that were extremely discouraging.

Now we are researching traditional adoption, (although I'm leaning more toward embryo donation because of the way these social workers are) and we keep hearing the same thing. We talked to one social worker who kept pressuring DP and I into a Black baby. While I'm certainly not racist, I think it would be a disservice to DD to adopt a Black or Biracial child. I have also talked to others about adopting from Russia but every single time, the social workers talk to me, they think that an African country would be the "perfect" fit for us! ARGH!!! I also have to agree with Supa, when a CC person adopts a Black child then that parents is a hero! But when the reverse happens all of a sudden trans racial adopting is not in the best interest of the children and we are seen a self hating white wanna-bes!

If you think you could carry a baby to full term, I know of three clinics that have embryos waiting to be matched. There are eight donating families and all of them except two are full Caucasian. Just PM me.

[7brats]

You are so right.Our bio kids are all different shades.My oldest is dark and the 2 younger are really light.The four I adopted are all different shades and all different races.We have one hispanic,chinese and aa who is dark.One aa and hispanic who is dark.One br who looks all cc and a br who is light.I guess it never bothered me because none of us is really the same shade.
I think this may be difficult without the full support of my agency.

[BethanyB]

If you don't mind me adding my thoughts about this, I think some people feel the way they do about AA people adopting CC children because there are so many AA children that need parents.

For me personally, race did not matter. I was open to any race child. However SO many people want CC babies that many will wait for a long time just for a baby with a certain color skin. To ME, that seems silly. So I guess in some minds, why would an AA person want to wait for a long time and pay more money for a child who is white, when there are babies of their own race who are waiting for homes.

There are some things that don't work the other way around. KWIM? I think that if AA babies had long waiting lists and high adoption fees and white babies had shorter waiting times and lower fees, than people would not care so much about AA adopting outside of their race.

For many people who adopt the so called "full AA" kids, it can be hurtful to hear the constant want for "biracial" babies. As if, what's wrong with my kid? The differing fees also help to divide people as if certain colored kids are worth more with "full" AA kids being at the bottom.

Then there is the aspect of people wanting a biracial child for the lighter skin which is not always going to happen. And then what? Does the child suffer?

Anyhoo, that is just some of what I understand to be the difference in the situation. And you know, many people out there think that AA kids are being saved by those wonderful white folks who are just doing such a wonderful thing for those little black babies. (eye roll)

As far as you wanting a CC child. You probably won't find that the foster care route will work well for you. Why not domestic adoption? Than you can ask for what you want and wait for someone to choose you?

[Sleeplvr]

Sounds like you are trying to adopt from the foster care system via photo listings...

If you are trying to adopt from foster care they legally can't say no. MEPA comes into play... Private agencies can and will dodge it. While we were fostering we got more calls for CC kids than any other race but that is due to the area we live in and we worked directly with the county. Once the child is in your home they have to pull some serious manuevers to get them out.

If you are thinking about adopting an older child... the child's preferences for a family come into play. Does that child want to be in your family? Then there are the special needs restrictions... would they fit into your current family structure? Youngest child? Only child? CW's are not good about relaying that kind of information. They won't tell you till you are officially in the running. Then there's CW bias... we never had a problem... our phone was ringing off the hook... they ignored every single thing on our list...age, race, size of sibling group...

Adopting via the photo listings is extremely difficult. We put in for lots of kids and only got a few callbacks and we were not looking for a CC child. Most of the younger kids with mild or no special needs are already placed or have an identified family. Photo listings are suspect anyway... what's posted is not always a true indicator of the situation. Then there's the bait and switch.

The reason why SW's are not so supportive of AA or interracial couples adopting CC kids is because we are not in the same situation as CC families. There are not many CC kids available for adoption and there are lots of CC couples waiting. That is not true for AA's. More kids available and very few AA or interracial couples in the waiting pool. If all AA, CC and interracial couples were at the same starting point I can see what they are doing as wrong... but it is what it is... CW's are about finding homes for kids...not kids for homes. If their waiting pool is already full some of them just don't want to add to it. The private agency I used for my DD's adoption only took in applicants for CC infants twice a year and then a slot had to be open in the pool by someone getting a placement or dropping out. They also did not accept anyone who had biological children in the CC infant program. Some agencies have strict criteria for adopting CC kids.

[sugarandspice697]

Sleep and Bethany: I think everyone one here knows that CC are generally more likely to be adopted than AA kids (although there are many exceptions to this rule) but I just feel its somewhat racist. Since she is an adoptive parent, she probably already know which kids are less likely to be adopted and I seriously doubt she is only wanted "a healthy CC infant" she might be open to drug and alcohol exposure which are just a equally a difficult to place as in AA baby.

I personally think is biased to let a CC person adopt a healthy Black baby because "they always imagined having a Black child" (and yes, there are some people on these boards who adopt for these reason - especially adoptive parents with Ethiopian children) but when a Black person who is open to special needs wanted a CC baby or decides to adopt internationally, all of a sudden "transracial adoption is not in the child's best interest". There is no excuse for this but bigotry.

ETA: If she's adopting from the foster care photolistings, then these children are the states more "difficult" cases. Therefore, its not like there are miles of CC parents open to these children.

[7brats]

Thanks everyone.To clarify,I am trying to adopt through CPS,special needs ect.I have located a child.My agency did get back to me but they do not seem to be excited about it.
As,Sugar and Supa said, it seems more accepting for a CC family to adopt an AA child.
I am by no means a racist,I just want my husband to have a child that looks like him.That is not him saying this,this is me.
My last agency told me I would never be able to adopt a CC child,however they let me adopt 2 bi-racial siblings with one being extremly light(in fact she would pass as full CC with a small tan)straight reddish brown hair and freckles.
They said because they choose not to separate them and thats why I got her.
In any case,its something I want to do athough I think it is going to be really hard. The little girl I have in mind is 5 years old

Sugar,may I ask you....how are people(especially AA's ) to your daughter(which I am sure is BEAUTIFUL !!! )?

[sugarandspice697]

I would generally say that most people are accepting of Firefly. With that being said, we have received our share of racist remarks. So far, all of our "extreme" cases have come from AA folks, sadly. Asian people very seldom say negative/racist remarks. CC folks generally ask us a lot of questions (where is she from? Is she Chinese? Who's her real parents?). I find the questions easy to handle but the extreme cases are often difficult for me. Once, I came home from Gymboree in tears because of the way some of the parents and the kids were treating her.

I certainly don't regret doing this and next time around, we would open ourselves to other races because Firefly has definitely taught us alot about being a trans racial family.

[7brats]

Thanks for sharing,Sugar. I think its great what you and DP has done. I guess that is the sad part of it all.Somehow I would never expect AA to be so cruel,but then this is a cruel world.
I have found comfort in your story and I believe that I will be able to do it if the agency allows me to do it.
That is going to be the hard part....
Thanks again,everyone for all your input.It has been a big help and has given me a lot of food for thought...

[Sleeplvr]

If she's 5 years old... why is her foster family not adopting her?

A little girl 0-5 should easy to place and should have never made it to the photo listings. I think her special needs should be the thing you are looking at and I would question it.

[oceanica]

I just wanted to say good luck first of all.
Then to second what Bethany said. AAs are 13% of the united states population. CCs are over 50%. AA children are overrepresented in foster care and adoption placement.
There are approx. 40 couples for each baby to be adopted and yet aa babies are (supposedly) difficult to place.
My babies are black and I am not. I am so very lucky to have been able to adopt them. But truthfully there weren't any aa people beating down the bmom's doors. If there were, I may not have been able to adopt them. They will miss out on some things... not being raised in a black family could result in them not being as fully comfortable with others of their race. Their speech patterns will likely sound like mine. They eat the food I eat and do the things I do.
It's probably hard enough being adopted and processing through all that, and now there's another dimension being added... they may never feel like they fit in anywhere. I am doing my best to mitigate but I won't be able to completely.
So I think in a perfect world maybe being in a same-race family would be best.
When there are hundreds of same-race families to choose from, why would someone pick a different-race family for a child?

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by oceanica

When there are hundreds of same-race families to choose from, why would someone pick a different-race family for a child?

I think though in OP's situation it's different because she's in a interracial marriage. Both races are represented in theroy so it's not a 100% different race family. KWIM?

If I choose to adopt a CC child next he/she would look like and identified with my husband. I just think when interracial couples are involved its not so black and white (No pun intended )!

But I also look at Sugarandspice and her DP and see nothing wrong at all. I have a problem with the notion that AA should only adopt AA's. It's a double standard and really a personal decision if you asked me.