[loveajax]

DD is biracial...her birth dad is black and her birth mom is white.

Anyway, I posted recently about how DD's birth dad recently learned that his dad (whom he really did not know) is not his bio dad. Bdad recently decided (after both his gma and gpa who raised him died) that he would search for his bio dad....I learned today that he thinks he found him and this dad is Cape Verdean. DD's birth dad apparently wants no relationship with his bio dad (for now).

So long story short....do I try to "expose" DD to Cape Verdean culture? I mean if her bdad does not "identify" as Cape Verdean? (By the way, we have a really cool Cape Verdean community here, so it's not like it would be a "struggle," I just don't know if it would even be important for her? Especially if she would not be "part" of this community if raised in her birth family.). Does thinking about how your kid would be raised in his/her birth family factor in how you deal with these issues? TIA.

[Linny]

love,
I may be a huge minority here, but I honestly think some of this can go far beyond what we, as adopting parents could/should do. I'm reminded of the comments my own (now grown) Asian kids said to me years ago when asked, "Did your dad and I do enough to bring about cultural awareness while you were both growing up?" (Or, words to that effect, okay?)
They both said dh and I went too far with it...trying too hard to expose them to their ethnicity/culture/etc.... I was surprised at their response. Their feelings were that 'we're Americans', period.

I think it might be nice to have some momento/story/something to share, but then again, if bringing about every dimension of our ethnicty were possible, imagine how many divisions we'd ALL have, KWIM? Relax....I think you're doing very well as you are. (((HUGS)))

Sincerely,

Linny

[manni28]

love,
I may be a huge minority here, but I honestly think some of this can go far beyond what we, as adopting parents could/should do. I'm reminded of the comments my own (now grown) Asian kids said to me years ago when asked, "Did your dad and I do enough to bring about cultural awareness while you were both growing up?" (Or, words to that effect, okay?)
They both said dh and I went too far with it...trying too hard to expose them to their ethnicity/culture/etc.... I was surprised at their response. Their feelings were that 'we're Americans', period.

I think it might be nice to have some momento/story/something to share, but then again, if bringing about every dimension of our ethnicty were possible, imagine how many divisions we'd ALL have, KWIM? Relax....I think you're doing very well as you are. (((HUGS)))

Sincerely,

Linny

Love;

I agree with Linny, just continue to be a good mom to your child.

-Manni

[OakShannon]

I would say that your kiddo is likely to be seen as - and to identify as - AA/biracial and that's the identity that she'll need to have supported. You can let her know that one of her grandparents is from Cape Verde and explore that with her if she expresses curiosity about it. I'd probably approach it that way though - just be open and take my child's lead.

[loveajax]

Thank you, guys!! I always tell people not to overthink things, but I am the biggest offender! I am glad just to have this info for dd.

[dpen6]

love,

I don't think you needto expose DD to another culture. The one biologically closest to him (biofather) may or may not explore it but I don't think you have to. Trying to think of when I was little...honestly I just wanted to know for sure what Iwas and don't think I expected my parents to offer me everything Irish. The only thing I felt funny aboutwas that my aprents and everyone around us was VERY intersted in ethnicity and "what you were"..Italion? Irsih? french" whatever and because there genration was so close to the immigration of those ethnicities the feelings were pretty raw...My itallion family would make comments about the irish, engilsh ect.....that Ifound confusing...knowing I was irish! So I think it would have helped me if I didn't hear some of that! But I don't think she they needed to make us an irish /engilsh family when they were not.

I think the just knowing part is what counted...as an adult I am able to explore ifI wanted to. If sheasksquestions open a book, go the library but I would not make it the most important thing.