[veggiegirl]

So the last 2 days my daughter and a little boy, M, in her daycare group have taking a real liking to each other - yesterday he was petting her hair, today she was chasing him in the play yard. When I picked up DD, one of her teachers was telling me about how cute it is to watch these two in action. I joked that the little boy is blonde like Daddy/DH so maybe that's the attraction for DD. Her teacher says, "We're just joking, but we say M has jungle fever, ha ha ha." I did NOT find it at all funny. I know she meant no harm, but it really bothers me every time I think about it. I love all of her teachers and I know they really do love her so I don't want to start something, but I know I should have said something. It's killing me now!

[Saya]

ummm. . . . that's just not OK. I would have a MAJOR problem with that attitude at my kid's school. Just saying.

[ChromaKelly]

Not OK! They might not have meant anything but they still need to know that is inappropriate.

[sbaglio]

I say think it through this weekend, then go in Monday with a plan. Personally, I think the second last line of your post is important. It may have been inappropriate, but letting them know that (in a non-confrontational way) may be all that is needed.

[SupaModel]

Well we're in Gymboree and there is this little CC girl that is in love with DS. She's always kissing him and chasing him around. I've jokingly said to DH she must have jungle fever. I guess I can see how someone would be upset but that doesnt bother me at all. I'm AA and DH is CC and we have joked about that before with us as a couple. I guess the jungle part doesnt really bother me. I find it funny. I also grew up watching the Spike Lee movie so maybe that's why.

It's funny when I was in SF people would say the CC guys there had "yellow fever" because there were so many interracial couple that were CC men with Asian women. I dont think any of my Asian girlfriends were offended but again I can see how some could be.

Like Fadzi said if you do confront her I would do it in a nice manner becasue I am sure she didnt mean any harm.

[loveajax]

I take it the teacher was white? I would be offended by this a lot (though my best friend who is biracial jokes a lot about guys she is with having "jungle fever"). Maybe he just thinks your dd is gorgeous (as she is)! It is sad that people still find it "noteworthy" to comment on! I think I would say something (in a nice way). Gl!

[MB80sgirl]

I think it's kind of funny too. I'm sure she meant it to be a joke, not to offend you. If it bothered you, tell her. I'm not trying to tell you how you should or shouldnt feel, but I think sometimes we take things a little too seriously, especially when it comes to our kids. If this happened to me I'd just laugh it off, but again that's just me.

[HeidiK]

Its NOT funny at all, and completly inappropiate for teachers to use racial sterotypes EVER. I would let the staff know in a polite manner - knowing that they meant NO HARM - but that it should never happen again.

Racist jokes are cruel period, however if adults choose to have a laught at someone elses expense - that's their choice- Kids - don't undersatnd that type of humor.

[sbaglio]

How does one decide what is offensive or not?

Someone posted a few weeks ago about a teacher in a gym class who was laughing with another parent at her daughter, invoking the song "Baby got back." That was extremely offensive to me. This situation is not, I'm afraid.

Again, you can't discount the context. If this was a stranger just saying it at the child's expense, that would be one thing. But these people, according to the OP, love her daughter a lot. Several people (mostly black, interestingly) have said here that they don't find it that offensive. I've been told I have "jungle fever" by a friend or two, in jest, because my DH is H.

I hope you manage to sort this out in a way that allows you to continue to have a good relationship with your child's teachers, and they with her.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

Several people (mostly black, interestingly) have said here that they don't find it that offensive. I've been told I have "jungle fever" by a friend or two, in jest, because my DH is H

I find this interesting too! There are definitely things that offend me regarding race but I feel nothing in this situation. Maybe its because when its been said to me it wasn't in a nasty way? I dunno.

I also remember a while back a thread about hair and someone being highly offended by the term nappy. For me again I grew up with this term being used by my grandma, mom, aunts etc... It wasn't negative at all to me. I just new I had "nappy" hair and biracial kids had "good" hair. Hahah...LOL!! Now I guess when I am around CC people I would discribe my hair as coarse but with AA I think I would say nappy (although it's relaxed and silky smooth )

Anyways Fadzi I think you raise a good question and I am not sure I have the answer.

[Naon]

If someone had said this in a more "hidden" way, and I had overheard it I might have been offended, because then it likely would have been meant to be rude. But since the lady offered up the phrase it is really doubtful that she meant any offense.

I personally have said this of my relationships (though admittedly I think I said it more in the late 80's and early 90's when it was closer to the release of the movie and song-though honestly i don't even remember the movie at this point), and other friends in trans-racial relationships have said it, none of us were being hurtful.

I really think it's about how it was said. But if it does offend you and/or you worry about what might be said around your daughter, then of course you should say something. But as others have said, you might want to do it gently.

[SHD]

Veggiegirl, if you are offended then by all means say something. Even if it was meant as light humour and and the offender said it out of ignorance then enlighten her and let her know how you feel. Like the others said you don't have to be confrontational in order to let someone know that they have hurt your feelings. Our society has become so insensitive to others feelings that things have a tendency to get glossed over. If this was someone who knew you on a personal level she might be able to say something like that and you not be upset by it. This woman is a professional in the child care field so your relationship is professional, you don't go to each other's events nor do you dine with each other. You see each at her job and when DD no longer needs daycare then unless you run into each other at some event in your town you might not see each other again.

I wish you good fortune with how you handle this.

[joskids]

I wouldn't personally find it offensive, as it sounds that the daycare cares appropriately about your child and it was said lightly. But, as others say, if you find it offensive, then say something about it, but choose a time and place that isn't embarassing to the daycare worker as I'm pretty certain she'll feel badly that she offended you. I'm CC, my DH is AA, what we have for each other is love, regardless of race. But if someone wants to call it "Jungle Fever" . . . whatever, at least we aren't being called "boring" which I'd feel more offended by.

[Betelnut]

It was inappropriate, that's for sure, but I (personally) don't think it is worth getting all emotionally upset about it.

I do think it is a shame that the teacher had to go there though. Why can't kids simply like each other without race being an issue?

[yehudit]

I can understand that you're offended by this.

My sense of humor tends toward the off-color (no pun intended) and have unintentionally offended people. It happens more often when I'm with someone Ifeel comfortable with but don't know very well. We all have different thresholds. I would say it was an unprofessional thing to say and I don't blame you for being offended. But would it offend me? Probably not.