[Cjmeck]

Our family recently joined the YMCA in our new town. Today, I took S with me; they have a childwatch for parents to workout. Anyway, I was explaining that I hadn't left her before to a member of the staff. Another staff member cut in the conversation and asked if S lived with me. I replied "Yes...". She says "well, foster kids aren't part of the family membership". I said, "well, that's excellent info to have, but that does not apply to us". She just stares at me and says "what do you mean?" I said not so nicely "SHE IS MY DAUGHTER". She gets this look on her face like she's completely freaking clueless to the english language I've just spoken. I ask her if its the Y's policy to interigate (sp?) all new members about their family dynamics. She just say "Um, no, sorry". I said "Good, I won't expect to have to have this conversation again with anyone else, will I?".
I mean, look, I realize that my daughter and I do not "match". I get it. But it just makes me sad too that right off the bat at a new place we're labeled at different and not a "normal" family. I know its all part of the transracial parenting thing but it was just hard today...
But ultimately, the staff at the Childwatch were fantastic, it was a pretty diverse group of kids (yay!) and S had sooo much fun.
I'm just too sensitive today, aren't I?

[devildogwife]

Wow, I think you handled that really well. I'm impressed with how articulate you could be in that moment!

[mommytoEli]

your response was awesome! no, i don't think you overreacted AT ALL! if this happend to me....i would indeed bring it up with management so they could possibly retrain their workers. when stuff like this happens to me, i just think i want to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

[loveajax]

I don't think you are being oversensitive at all!! I would be totally angry. And I am glad you called her on it.

I was going to say that I am a little "surprised" because I basically "live" at our Y (DD does preschool and camp there, we use Childwatch a lot when we work out) and there are a lot of transracial families (whether it is thru adoption or biology, I'm not sure!). Anyway, I love the Y. Don't let this bad apple spoil your day (in fact, I may even call the adminstrator there).

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by devildogwife

Wow, I think you handled that really well. I'm impressed with how articulate you could be in that moment!

yeah...me too....i don't come up with really good come backs like that for at least an hour later! lol!

[SupaModel]

Um NOOOOO!!! You did the right thing. How dare she? Seriously in my town I have had workers come to MY house and asked if I was the MAID!!!!! No kidding. People should think before they speak.

[loveajax]

btw, i am going to "check" with our Y to see if foster kids are not part of a family membership. that's a crazy policy anyway!

[sbaglio]

*Three snaps of the fingers* WOW! That response was brilliant. That employee got exactly what she deserved. Wish I had such quick answers for such stupid comments. Well done!

[Cjmeck]

Thanks everyone 90% of the time I just stare dumbfouded at stupid comments people make. I'm glad for once I said exactly what I was thinking. Well, not exactly, I was thinking 4-letter words... lol
I was going to ask to speak to the manager but then I noticed at the end of my conversation with Clueless Jane that the manager of the facility was standing behind her, talking with a few other staff members. I must have raised my voice a bit, because as I was walking away, they all made eye contact with me. So, I'm pretty sure the situation was discussed.
And really, the no foster kids comment really pissed me off too. But that wasn't my battle to fight at the moment so I let it go. Lovejaxx, I wonder if there is a special membership for families who foster? Mabye that's what she was trying to determine...
I'm just glad that S was too young to notice the meaning of the conversation. How sad would that make her feel as an older child? What in the world would I say to her? I have the book "A Mother for Choco" so its addresses this, but obviously at some point S will realize that other people notice that we're not the same. And I thought dealing with temper tantrums was tough!

[loveajax]

You know, the more I think about it, the more angry I get!! I mean, why couldn't she be your bio daughter anyway (I take it your DH wasn't there, right?). Sorry but the ASSumptions people make infuriate me!

Anyway, kudos again.

[Cjmeck]

Originally Posted by loveajax

You know, the more I think about it, the more angry I get!! I mean, why couldn't she be your bio daughter anyway (I take it your DH wasn't there, right?). Sorry but the ASSumptions people make infuriate me!

Anyway, kudos again.

Its just really sad to me! I mean, what **** closet has she lived in for the past 50 years where she is stunned to see a transracial family??? She absolutely could have been mine biologically; and funny thing, my mom and extended family think she looks like me... I have seen alot of CC families with asian children in this area; I wonder if aparents with asian kids get this or just AA?

edit: I have to lol here that I actually got bleeped on a.com!!

[JustPeachy]

No, you did not overreact at all. In fact, I think the way you handled this was perfectly appropriate.

[flashgal24]

Jen, I'm sending you a PM....

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by mommytoEli

your response was awesome! no, i don't think you overreacted AT ALL! if this happend to me....i would indeed bring it up with management so they could possibly retrain their workers. when stuff like this happens to me, i just think i want to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else.

This is what I would do.

[LeighM]

I think you did a great job. I would follow up with the manager and make sure she understood what was said to you. It is unacceptable.