[swany11]

Hi,
I did a search but couldn't find a post related to my question/issue.

We are Caucasian, we adopted an African American boy who is 10 months old. For the second time, someone at our daycare, of which all the teachers are African American, proceeded to braid his hair without our permission.
We are going to talk to the supervisor tomorrow morning, but curious if this has happened to anyone else? I understand somewhat the cultural issues at play, but it still irks us a little bit that they did this without our permission. Took almost 40 minutes to take the braids out tonight!
Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks!
Kevin

[aclee]

I would say they are doing it out of love, so I would handle it as delicately as possible. I would be thrilled to find someone to braid Ty and Matty's hair...lol. When the time comes to braid their hair, I'll have to pay to have it done!

Do you just not want it braided, or do you not have the time to take the braids out? They can be left in for a while, even if you are bathing him...if you object to the braids themselves, I would just say that you prefer his hair natural.

[nickchris]

I am AA, and no I would not want my kiddo's hair style changed without my permission. It could be a harmless gesture. It could be that they felt his hair needed some extra tlc?
I would suggest (in a relaxed manner) saying you appreciate the extra time the baby is getting, but you would like his hair in its loose style. Take time to be diplomatic, to keep a possible hair tip source(s) later on.

[swany11]

Originally Posted by aclee

I would say they are doing it out of love, so I would handle it as delicately as possible. I would be thrilled to find someone to braid Ty and Matty's hair...lol. When the time comes to braid their hair, I'll have to pay to have it done!

Do you just not want it braided, or do you not have the time to take the braids out? They can be left in for a while, even if you are bathing him...if you object to the braids themselves, I would just say that you prefer his hair natural.

Great points. I think deep down they are doing it out of love and don't meant any harm, we just don't want it braided at this time.
Appreciate the help.

[swany11]

Originally Posted by nickchris

I am AA, and no I would not want my kiddo's hair style changed without my permission. It could be a harmless gesture. It could be that they felt his hair needed some extra tlc?
I would suggest (in a relaxed manner) saying you appreciate the extra time the baby is getting, but you would like his hair in its loose style. Take time to be diplomatic, to keep a possible hair tip source(s) later on.

Thanks for the help. I think it was a harmless gesture. I am glad we are waiting until the morning to talk to them about it, not sure what my wife would have said if she talked to them tonight.

[sbaglio]

I agree with the others. You decide how you want your child's hair to be styled, if at all. If the teachers have a problem with that, I would hope that they would mention something, rather than just braiding it. I personally don't like braids on boys (personal preference), so I would be irked.

[nickchris]

No problem, I can so understand being mama bear. lol Best wishes.

[Sleeplvr]

They are doing it out of love...
Now the questions...
How long is his hair? When a boy's hair gets a certain length something needs to be done with it to make daily maintenance easier. My daycare cornrowed my son's hair without my permission and I don't like cornrows on boys. My son looked gorgeous with his hair cornrowed. His hair was really long before we did his first hair cut. DS was wearing a ponytail until he was 12 months old.

The daycare providers are just trying to help you out.
Enjoy your son.

[sbaglio]

I wonder if the child had been CC and the teachers decided to do a mohawk with gel, or even cornrow it without asking. Or if the child was a girl and they had locked her hair, or put extensions with beads in, again without clearing it with the parents. I mean, the daycare isn't a hair salon. If they have concerns about the child's hair, they should tell the parents, and let them decide what to do. They can even offer to do the hair themselves, and let the parents decide. Whatever the motive of the teachers, they should have cleared it with the child's parents first.

[Sleeplvr]

The daycare I used which was predominently CC did comb the CC kids hair. I was kind of shocked at the number of kids who showed up with uncombed hair and without their faces washed. This was at one of the more expensive structured childcare facilities here in Atlanta.

But...you have to remember that hair care is sometimes a cultural thing. You have to respect the culture yet let your beliefs be known on what is acceptable to you as a parent.

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by Sleeplvr

But...you have to remember that hair care is sometimes a cultural thing. You have to respect the culture yet let your beliefs be known on what is acceptable to you as a parent.

I agree with you on that one

[manni28]

I agree!

I kept my boys hair in braids ( not cornrow) until they were one, then I had it cut, I'm not a fan of braids on boys after 12 months.


-Manni

[BethanyB]

I must be the odd ball out because I LOVE corn rows on little boys. I had to ask my daycare provider to put my son's hair in cornrows. LOL! In fact when I was fostering my son's sister, I also asked her to braid her hair. I would wash it and she would braid it. It was GREAT!

But again, I asked her to do it. I totally understand where you are coming from and I would be annoyed if I sent my kids to a chain center and they did the hair without asking. Well, when they were little anyway. If I had that now, whoo I would be happy! When I get my DD's hair braided it costs me a LOT of money to get it done in a hair salon.

So, like the others, I agree they could be great hair resources later on. So just tread lightly and understand they were probably trying to be helpful!

Oh, one more story. I used to have this babysitter come to my house to watch my kids when I would go out with friends. She was CC and didn't know anything about AA hair. Well, one night I came home after a night out to my two year old daughter looking like Coolio. (If you don't know, Coolio is a rapper with these braids that stick straight up into the air all over the head!) I was shocked. I sat there for about 40 minutes taking out the braids. They looked utterly stupid! Don't know what she was thinking.

[nickchris]

LOl Coolio, what was she thinking? Too funny, but I am sure it took a while to take those braids out.
I am not a braids for boys, or I should say DH was not big on his boys (who were already mistaken for girls) having cornrows in their hair. Little ds had tons and tons of lengthy hair too. I was so wistful with his hair. lol

[celebratewewill]

Originally Posted by BethanyB

Well, one night I came home after a night out to my two year old daughter looking like Coolio.

OMG....