[Gwen72]

I have a friend that I have known since the 9th grade (almost 20 years). I only see him once every few years or so because he lives in a different state than me but we email each other often to keep in touch. A few days ago I got an e-mail from him that was entitled "White Pride". It was talking about how blacks can call whites any name in the book but if we use the N word we are racist. It talked about how it's ok for blacks to have the NAACP and all black colleges but if we had all white colleges "blacks would riot and burn the whole place down." It went on like that. I was shocked and hurt. I sent him an email asking him what the hell he was thinking sending me this. I explained to him why there are historically black colleges and an NAACP and every other point that was in his email. He sent me an email the next day saying that someone had hacked into his email and sent that message not him. He said he was very angry at me because I should have known better and I should not have "reamed him out like that." For the record, I did not "ream him out." I did not call him any names or accuse him of being racist. I basically siad, "Here's the truth and here's why." Anyway, I replied that I was relieved he did not actually send that email and said that as a father of 3 he could surely understand that when you think someone is messing with your kids you will defend them. I appologized for upsetting him and said I hoped he could forgive me. He did not respond to me and I have called him several times to appologize in person but he won't answer the phone and won't return my calls. I feel terrible because we have been friends for 20 years and I should have known better. I should have known he would not have said those things. I had no way of knowing a hacker sent that but I still feel that I should have handled it differently. Has anyone else ever had a misunderstanding like this? How did you resolve it?

[sugarandspice697]

I believe you did well on your part. I would just let this incident go because if he is really your close friend, he will know when you saying a sincere apology.

[Howdy]

Could he be away for the holiday and maybe that is why he is not responding to your email or phone calls? It doesn't seem very reasonable for him to be mad at you, he ought to be mad at the hacker or at himself for not having good enough computer security. Maybe he is embarrassed and will calm down soon.

I have never had that situation, but once in the early days of Instant Messaging I encouraged a coworker to use it, then my computer crashed during our chat. By the time I got my computer back up he'd sent me a grouchy email about he would never instant message with me again because I didn't answer him. But after I explained my computer crashed he understood.

[MamaS]

In the early days before firewalls etc. I was hacked and someone sent a link to a porn website to all my friends. I got "reamed" by several friends and a warning from my network. Didn't know what was happening until I tried to log on and my computer told me I was already on.
So, maybe he is mad at you because you thought he would say something like that.
OR
Maybe he did send it to a group and is really embarrassed that it went to you. Either way, you have apologized -- it is now up to him to make the next move.

[irelady10]

Hindsight is 20/20. Of course you can say, "I should have handled that situation differently." But, its over. The fact that he was hacked and never sent the e-mail, I'm sure, never occurred to you. And, your "momma bear" response kicked in. You apologized, and tried to talk to him several times. My advice- give it some time. It often takes time for someone to lose their anger and reconnect.

You've done all you can do.

When I make a mistake, I (usually) apologize and try to learn from the situation...you can either kick yourself for doing something silly or decide to make amends and let it go. The 2nd option consumes much less emotional energy!

[mommytoEli]

i'm sorry. what an awful thing to receive...but to put your mind at ease....just last week i got an email from a close friend encouraging me to go gamble. lol. it was sent to her entire address book. i wrote her back and said i couldn't believe she sent something like that out(before i even opened it)......but i just knew it didn't seem like her which is what made me check. well...it wasn't. i am not sure if she was hacked or had a virus....but it was definitely NOT her who sent it...although it clearly came from her account. even WITH firewalls and virus protection programs, things like this definitely still happen.

[lotsa_love_2give]

I would have reacted the exact same way. If he has children then he will understand that a parent's first instinct is to always protect their child, period. It's an automatic maternal instinct!!!

And like a previous poster noted, if you are really friends and he knows you are sincere, then you have done your part.

I commend you on sticking up for yourself and family!

[Gwen72]

He finally called me and accepted my apology. He said he was "deeply hurt" that I would believe he would send something like that. It just took him awhile to calm down and see things from my perspective. That and his wife reminded him that if someone was messing with their girls he would have done the same thing. I am relieved that we worked it out and have learned a valuable lesson. Thanks for letting me vent when I needed it and lending some good advice!