[txwannabemom]

Not to high jack your thread, but I though of you all today. I am a teacher (at a year round school) and today an ignorant but nonjudgmental sub asked me about a little girl in my class. The little girl is full AA and her parents are white. We have family photos hung in the classroom and I (somewhat unexpectedly) bristled when the girl asked "I saw her family photo in the room! She's beautiful! Where is she from?"

What? Texas. I mean...what? I wasn't sure what to say that was not offensive....
so I just said "yes, she was adopted."

What could I have said? It seemed to me that she was assuming the little girl was from Africa....maybe I was too sensitive.

[Gwen72]

I think some people do assume that transracial parents of black children did adopt from Africa. I can't tell you how many times my DH and I have been asked if DS is from Ethiopia. We just tell them, "No, he is from Cincinnati."

[Magic_Hat]

People have asked us that about our new baby who is African American/Liberian and we say Philly! But they ask that all the time about our Caucasian daughter who was born in Washington, DC (we are in the DC suburbs). When I say DC, they are so surprised. I think they assume Russia. People are constantly saying they didn't realize you could "get" a newborn from the U.S.

[guatparents2be]

my son is guatemalan by birth and when i'm out alone with him people ask me often if he is "mixed". i realized quickly that the people who ask this are usually also of mixed heritage or so far AA or HS. honestly i think they are just curious.

curious doesn't bother me. personally it doesn't matter to me where someone is from but truthfully often i am interested.

[aclee]

Today when we met with our social worker and her daughter was home (who is adopted and BR) I was playing with her and Ty and DH and the SW were in the other room, and she pulled out a big poster that had all the flags of the world on it and asked, "Ok, where is he from?" When I said Missouri, she looked all confused and I said, he was born in the United States, just like you

Course they are currently adopting internationally, so that might be where her focus is, but I sort of figured, if an adopted, BR child of a SOCIAL WORKER assumes that Ty was adopted internationally, that I can't really fault anyone else either LOL!

[GlamRock]

I don't use the term "mixed" really but it's pretty common (especially among younger people). I just say multiracial.

When we lived in San Francisco, GF and I would get pegged as Asian/CC (especially GF). They weren't really used to having a lot of NA/CC people around, and we have more almond eyes with dark hair and light(ish) skin. So, GF especially looks Asian. A few times we had older people come up to us and start a conversation in Chinese! Very cool.


I'm happy that someone mentioned the 'coloureds' racial classification -- it still exists in many areas and basically means BR/multiracial. In many areas, it's not a racial slur, just how they classify your race. In South Africa, if you weren't CC and you weren't Bantu (AA), you were coloured (BR/MR).

[sbaglio]

Okay, I really need to have answers at the ready.

I was at the self-checkout today at the supermarket with our DD in my arms, and 3 of the store clerks (young AA teenage girls) crowded around, saying how beautiful she was and asking her age etc.

One asked, "What is she mixed with?"

Me: "Um...AA and CC" (which is not technically correct - her bfather was from the Caribbean. She caught me off guard!)

Her (with a smile): "And you're the AA part...?"

Me: "Um, well, sort of. She's adopted."

I felt so DUMB afterwards! I know that people assume that she's my biological daughter when we're out. And I am her father. But I'm so used to thinking of her as mixed, that when that girl obviously assumed that I must be one of her biological parents, my mind didn't register quick enough. Because I said what I said, the whole "adoption thing" came out.

I don't mind telling people that she is adopted, but I don't feel like telling people who have no business knowing, like a store clerk I don't even know. Also, as I walked out the store, I felt like I'd put a label on her, like she's "the adopted one", and couldn't just be my daughter. It's her story to tell , not mine as some sort of justification. Argh! .

[keekee1006]

I'm AA and get asked all the time "What are you mixed with?" most of the people who ask are Puerto Rican,Dominican or from the West Indies and think I'm from there as well. I always answer City and Country. My mom was raised in NYC and my dad was raised in the South.

[anilorak13ska]

I'd like to just chime in here. 1. your little boy is darling. 2. I think we all have some stereotyped ideas of what each of the races looks like, and when we come accross someone that has slightly different features, we are curious.

I personally don't take offense to the term "mixed". I'm CC (but I don't identify as mainstream "white" bc I was born in Poland and immigrated here as a child). My DH is Latino. We are a mixed couple, though often folks assume I'm H when with him (I do speak Spanish).

I have a close friend who is CC and is very intrigued by people's backgrounds. It fascinates her to notice various facial features and attribute them to certain ethnicities. She likes to notice (and yes, point out) people with "interesting faces" because she thinks it helps to acknowledge the variety among people. She doesn't do it out of malice at all. One culture/race she is just fascinated with is NA, and if she could change to BE NA, I think she would! (I'm equally intrigued about people myself, but not nearly as gutsy as her to just approach people.)

I always read how this is a question to worry about and prepare for for aparents, but I don't see the problem in it as long as it's asked in a respectful way and a valid reason is given. Had dh and I had bio kids, I'd want them to be recognized as "mixed", but honestly, they'd just "pass" for Hispanic and my heritage would be left out.

(Since "Hispanic" is not considered a race but an ethnicity, saying "biracial" would not really be accurate, so what else would you use? Even with my dogs, one of whom is definitely a mix of 2 breeds, calling her "mixed" is one thing, but calling her a "mutt" is what Peeves me off.)

Now that we're adopting, I'm hoping for a child whose background is "interesting" for lack of a better term. I would rather not adopt as "full CC" child bc I'm Polish and my dh is Latino. I say let's keep it interesting in the family!

I'm glad to hear in all of your responses here that generally you don't take offense to the question itself. I was a bit worried about my friend!

[SHD]

Sbaglio I feel for you as I am the same way. Why do I grasp for answers when a total stranger asks a personal question? My DD is at an age (6) that she talks about her first family as if she knows them and will tell almost anyone who will listen about her brother and sister. My DBfriend has no problem telling noisy people their question crosses the line but me, I fumble and stumble. Please let me know when you have answers in your hip pocket ready to pull out at a moment's notice because I need some help too.

[guatparents2be]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

I don't mind telling people that she is adopted, but I don't feel like telling people who have no business knowing, like a store clerk I don't even know. Also, as I walked out the store, I felt like I'd put a label on her, like she's "the adopted one", and couldn't just be my daughter. It's her story to tell , not mine as some sort of justification. Argh! .

I recently took a class put on by an organization called Adoption Mosaic. They stress, actually very strongly, that it is not only healthy, but also important to talk about adoption, even with strangers. The idea is that children don't understand the nuance of it being 'their story' and if we don't talk about it they think/internalize that adoption is something to be ashamed of.

Very interesting perspective.

[kakuehl]

This thread interests me. (BTW Oakshannon, he is beautiful! I love the eyes.) My family is becoming quite multicultural and multiracial. One example: Both the children I raised have bio-children who are biracial. My oldest grandson, who is 15 is often assumed to be hispanic. His mother's parents are CC and AA. Her dad also has some NA heritage. The father of my daughter's son is also AA: Aj is pictured currently as my "avatar" as he blows out the candles on his birthday cake (he's 5) with the help of his 4yr old cousin. I am always fascinated to see what genetics does in combining traits. (Although I don't ask strangers!!)