[Sleeplvr]

People of color look at features and just not skin color or hair texture.

There was a shop I used to visit on a regular basis and my technician asked if I was mixed. I said no and she said are you sure... Then she said look at your face, your hair and your skin color. She thought my round face was more Asian than AA. She was Asian and assumed one of my parents was Asian based on features and skin color. My DD has Asian heritage and AA's and Asians always see it in her face. Her eyes give it away everytime. People who take a cursory look assume she's my biological child because she has the same skin color as mine...So her eyes must come from my husband. One woman kept trying to find out who I was married to and finally asked about DD's eyes.

The are you mixed question is kind of confusing because some people are trying to figure out of the parents are a interracial couple but it could have happened generations back. My family is multiracial and it was generations of mixed race people marrying mixed race people so we have maintained a particular color range & facial features on my father's side.

I'm never offended by the question unless there are ill intentions prompting it.

Your little boy is a Cutie.

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by MichelleL11

In any case, I did want to say that this may be a passing thing while your son is young and it may taper off as he gets older.

I would agree with Michelle on this. The questions happen far less now that we (my brothers and I ) are older it is very rare. When I was a baby though people would ask my mom stuff all the time. My hair and my completion have change a lot! The shape of my eyes have changed some too or at least appear that way. It is just one of those things.

[megaphonemo]

If you are alone with him, I think folks asking "is he mixed" are trying to find out if he is yours...... If he is biologically yours, then he'd have to be mixed, in their minds, to look like he does..... I am sure when I am out with my kids, especially the little one, that folks assume she is biologically mine, and therefore my DH must be AA.......

(I don't know if I am saying what I am trying to say.....

[Naon]

I am bi-racial (AA/CC) and people seem to think it is their business to question my ethnicity all the time. Though the question I usually get is, "What are you?" To which I started replying, "I'm human, what are you?" As you can probably tell it annoys me. What difference does it make? Grrrrr.

I think people used to ask more when I was younger, I only get it 2-3 times a year now.

[Gwen72]

My son actually is "mixed". He is AA/Hispanic/Asian Indian. He looks full AA to me but a lot of people ask me if he is Ethiopian or Somalian. I don't think he looks African. I don't know what they see that I don't. Most people ask me if he looks like his father when I'm out alone with him. I say, "Nope, his father is white too!"

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by Gwen72

My son actually is "mixed". He is AA/Hispanic/Asian Indian. He looks full AA to me but a lot of people ask me if he is Ethiopian or Somalian. I don't think he looks African. I don't know what they see that I don't. Most people ask me if he looks like his father when I'm out alone with him. I say, "Nope, his father is white too!"

He is so cute!

I have been asked a couple of times where David is from - or more specifically if he is Ethiopian or Somalian. I have assumed that it's because people hear/read about international adoption and so when they see a white mom with a black child, they assume the child must be adopted from Africa. Actually, there is a large Ethiopian immigrant community here, and I don't think David looks a bit Ethiopian. But, there you go. I just say, "No, we're all from California."

It's possible that in some cases, people are trying to figure out if he is my bio child. That had occurred to me once or twice. But at the store and with the young dad-to-be, it was clear that they were asking because they assumed he was part Asian. (And maybe he is . . .)

Naon, if the question had been worded that way, ("What is he?") I would have bristled much more. I can understand why you answer the way you do. And I'm sure personal questions like that get annoying. Actually, one of my fears is that David will continue to get the questions when he is older and he won't know either. Whether he would choose to answer in any case is another matter - it's the not knowing that would bother me.

[oceanica]

Naon, I get a lot too, I used to as a kid and I still do.
I never thought to be annoyed by it... just answered as best I could (my lineage can't be said in one word) but now that you mention it, I guess it isn't really anyone's business. People seem to have an overwhelming need to categorize.
Next time someone asks me I'm going to say "mixed"!
Just so much easier.
(I also used to say "I'm an American" or "I was born in Michigan" if I didn't feel like answering questions.)

[veggiegirl]

People are so nosey and rude! Even if it didn't sound rude, it's a rude question to ask a complete stranger. Plus, I find the term "mixed" to be offensive. Paint is mixed, people are not. People may be biracial or multiracial/multiethnic, but not mixed, and certainly not colored. My own dad STILL says colored sometimes and I ALWAYS say, "What color? Red?!" I really should start saying, "1964 called. They want their terminology back!"

[sbaglio]

I think that the offensiveness, or lack thereof, of the terminology depends on who is saying and hearing the word, and what it means to those who use it or those who don't. Most black/biracial people have grown up hearing the word "mixed", so many are not bothered by it. But perhaps to a CC hearing this for the first time, it may sound offensive.

"Colored" is deemed a derogatory term in the US now, but "coloureds" are a separate and legitimate race of people in the part of the world where I grew up.

[aclee]

I'm also used to the term mixed, though I typically get asked it in a way that more questions if I'm his parent because people think he's two dark to be BR.

I have no input on what if anything David might be "mixed" with, but if you ever figure it out, I'd love that same mix for my next...cause that little one is gorgeous!

We might have to get some spoon lessons from you. Ty loves using a spoon...to feed us...doesn't really ever go into his own mouth though.

[sugarandspice697]

Strangers ask Julia all the time if she mixed and I just say "no she's just Chinese-American". Sometimes people will ask if she's from China and I just reply "no, Julia and I are both from Atlanta and DP is from Oakland, CA"

I'm personally not offended at all when others use the word "mixed" I say it all the time and hardly any AA or BR bat an eye. However, technically I'm not BR so maybe my opinion does not matter as to whether or not its an offensive term.

[OakShannon]

Originally Posted by sugarandspice697

Strangers ask Julia all the time if she mixed and I just say "no she's just Chinese-American". Sometimes people will ask if she's from China and I just reply "no, Julia and I are both from Atlanta and DP is from Oakland, CA"

I'm personally not offended at all when others use the word "mixed" I say it all the time and hardly any AA or BR bat an eye. However, technically I'm not BR so maybe my opinion does not matter as to whether or not its an offensive term.

And I would guess, with you and Julia, that the question is a way of asking if she is your biodaughter. (As it probably is sometimes with us, too.) Funny the questions we get. And then sometimes we wonder why we are getting a particular question and what the right way to answer is and should we be taking offense at that . . .?

Fazdi, I think you are exactly right that sometimes the offensiveness of a term depends greatly upon who is saying and hearing it. I hear the term "mixed" so frequently in a way that is clearly not intended to be rude that it didn't occur to me to take offense.

Aclee - Thank you! I looked at the link you posted recently to pictures of Ty. He's a beautiful boy, too. I love his smile. I'm not sure you want David giving Ty spoon lessons just yet, though. Last night, he launched a spoonful of his dinner all the way into the living room. (I know. My boy is talented. What can I say?) We started out doing a touchdown dance after every successful bite and that seemed to motivate him to put the spoon in his mouth! He would hold the spoon right by his mouth and look at us and grin like, "Okay! Are you ready?"

[Naon]

I think the reason I get so annoyed when people ask "What are you?" is that when I was little I didn't understand why people were asking, so I thought there was something wrong with me. Now when I am questioned, even if it may be innocent it irks me. Maybe it brings back the feelings of my youth, I never told my parents about it, and I never heard anyone say it to my parents in front of me. But it did hurt my feelings, when I was little.

Oddly enough someone asked me recently and the conversation went something like.
-"What are you"
-"Why?"
-"Oh, um...i don't know, you look Spanish?"
-"And why would it matter if I was Spanish?"
-"It wouldn't matter, I just wondered."
-"Oh" then i walked away
The guy (who was white) was clearly flustered that I questioned him back, but technically I still have no idea why he cared. I was at a party at the time I guess he could have been trying to hit on me...not sure why he would think that was a good opening line

[millie58]

If someone doesn't look like a "typical AA", "Hispanic", "CC" or "Indian", people are curious. IMHO, this is a way to educate them. It shows them that the races have mingled!!! and we will not be stopped!!

[SHD]

I understand where you are coming from. DD is multi-racial and we have friends who are of various races and ethnicities. Our friends who are AA see the AA in her right away but we have one friend who is Malaysian (sp?) and she only sees the Asian not the AA while yet another friend is both Japanese/AA and she sees both in DD. I strongly believe that like you were saying that folks can spot their own. I agree that this woman did not mean any malice just drawing from her own racial identity and seeing it in you DS. (handsome little prince by the way) If you are curious I know I've seen on this board where you can get DNA testing that will give you your answers. From what I understand it will not give you exact specifics it will let you know if he has Asian in his genetic makeup.

I have to say I don't generally use the term mixed but understand that on occasion it is ok to use. To me it depends on the way in which the term is used. When DD was first born a woman whose nails I did referred to her as "potpourri" and when I asked her what she meant (I really knew but wanted to torture myself by asking her) and she said, you know she's mixed. I told her that mix is what you do to a cake and my daughter was no cake. She stuttered and stammered and NEVER made that mistake again.

It is amazing to me that people of color often can see their own in my DD she is rarely identified correctly by CC people. They often think of her as Hispanic. I just know her friends who are of Latin decent immediately know she's not H.