[KansasMomToBe]

DH and I are on the verge of possibly adopting a biracial AA/CC child. We know that we will love this child, however we aren't sure of all the obstacles issues that will face us when raising a biracial child.

Our first son is Hispanic and I am used to people looking at us strange, and I have some quick snappy (yet not too rude) comments that I give to ignorant people that ask silly questions. However, I've heard that there are more people that are outspoken about their opposition to CC parents raising a AA child. How do you deal with these people?

I guess I just want advice on how to handle social issues when raising a Biracial child.

[MB80sgirl]

It sounds like you already know how to deal with them. You shouldnt worry so much about what other people will think, you have to do what you believe is right for you. I would either ignore the person saying rude, ignorant things or come back with something snappy, depending on what you think would fit best with the situation. As a parent your job is to love your child & make them feel good about who they are. Kids get teased for being too light, too dark, too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, whatever. You should just follow your heart & adopt the child you feel comfortable adopting, & not worry about the opinions of stupid people.

[Gwen72]

Congratulations on your possible adoption of #2! W is only 4 months old and I am trying to figure out how to deal with some people myself so I don't have any sage advice yet.

[sugarandspice697]

I'm not CC and neither is my daughter but I as a tran racial families I have to say that we do recieve our share of negetive comments. I believe that the racism that AAs face is different (but not better or worse) than the racism other minorities face. Since your have a hispanic son, I doubt many of them will surprise you.

BTW, welcome to the boards!!

[OakShannon]

Congratulations!

Why don't you take a look at the website for Pact? (Welcome to Pact, An Adoption Alliance) They are a non-profit that has a lot of support and resources for transracial families. They have concrete suggestions for dealing with the looks and questions our families get in public, for example. Many of the issues you will face are the same, since you are already a transracial family. But I think Sugar is right that there are some differences. We receive a lot of support from other African Americans, though, and that has helped our family tremendously. Even if they have some hesitations about transracial adoption, we have found that most people really embrace our son and are welcoming to us as his parents.

[KansasMomToBe]

Thank you for all of your positive feedback. We are really excited and I will let you all know how everything works out.

[momtosami]

Hi Joanne, welcome to this board. You know our oldest daughter, Samantha is from Guatemala and then our youngest daughter, Jenna that we just adopted is AA/CC. We have not had any rude comments with either of our girl's but I will say that yes we have had more stares and rude looks since adopting Jenna especially when I am out by myself with her. It's just crazy I think, I can be out with both girl's and you don't notice it as much but when I'm out with Jenna you really notice people, some will actually just stop and turn around and stare, especially elderly people and AA people. I just smile and keep going. I figure they are the ones who are missing out with being so closed minded-heehee. My husband and I have joked about looking at people and asking them "Do you have questions??"

[cmcmanigal]

Our son is AA. There have been a few double-takes and the occassional ignorant question, but the response we've gotten from friends, family and strangers has been overwhelmingly positive. I don't know where you live in Kansas, but if you are in the KC metro area there is a group called the Multiracial Family Circle. It's a great way to get advice and spend time with other multiracial families.

[BethanyB]

I don't get many rude comments or stares when I'm with my kids. And the few people who have said anything or gave nasty looks were CC people, not AA people. AA people are usually very nice to me.

My problem is hearing people and their racist views when they don't know my kids are black or they "forget" and say stupid, ignorant things.

[smcd_fmr_attorney]

I think this is something that you can't really prepare yourself for even if you try. You can always have a snappy comeback or comment at the ready, but if the person is rude enough you might just be too hurt/angry to say it. I would read up on Pact and try to live in an environment where there are lots of families like yours. I am the mother to a biracial child and I live in a place that is known for its multiracial families. We are never the only biracial family in a restaurant, play group, etc. Its really really refreshing. People never stare rudely at us here and I only get the occasional (Oh my God, he's so cute, is he your's?) comment. I don't know what will happen if we move, but we've made the decision never to move anywhere where he would be the Black/biracial child. Its not fair to him. Period.


I do find that its mostly AA women that comment on him and talk to him in public but it has never been in anything other than a friendly and positive way. I want to foster my son's identity as a Black child, however, not as a "biracial child". Although he is biracial he is also a member of the Black community and I want him to feel very comfortable and proud of that fact.

[jaenelle]

We are white and our daughter is AA. We live in a very small town and we've never had any trouble at all. Maybe we're just lucky, but I've never heard or seen anything that makes me think she isn't 100% accepted.

All the problems we've had have actually come from my family. My aunt was VERY against us adopting a black baby (but then she is against adoption in general as she is obsessed with genaeology and feels it messes up family histories ) so I don't think she'd have been happy in any case. Other than her everyone's been very nice about it.

[Casey677]

I have 2 AA/CC daughters. One looks AA, however most people think my 2nd dd is hispanic even though she is not. And then I have a bio CC child as well. Before I had my bio dd, we would get the occaisional questions and comments, but it wasn't too bad. Since my 3rd was born, people have gotten a lot nosier. My girls are incredibly close in age (27 months from 1st to 3rd). Most of them are "Boy you sure are (long pause) *busy*. I have yet to figure out if they think that I have my hands full or if I often get *busy* with men of different races I'm only half joking. Adoption is not the first thought that most people have. As they are getting older, it is getting better.

You'll do just fine. and regardless of what anyone says or thinks, it is so worth it & I'd do it all again tomorrow....