[JenC]

First, I'm not entirely sure that I can make this make sense to you all, but I'm going to try.

Our son has a traditional name. If our next child is a boy, the name we have (probably) for him is also traditional. If we would ever have a girl, my name preferences are slightly uncommon. Not out there weird, just not normal. This may not ever be an issue, especially since I think DH leans towards traditional names for girls and tends to reject anything not deemed "normal" by him. Since being raised as part of a transracial family can be difficult enough, with always being seen as "different" or not fitting it, would it be harder having a name that traditionally isn't seen as normal or not that common? I've read that resumes with ethnic names tend to get overlooked simply because of the name.

Basically, being a transracial family can be hard enough sometimes, is it fair to give it the possibility of being more difficult for the child with an uncommon name?

[ml2waiting]

I don't think an uncommon name (say uncommon in the sense that it is simply not statistically high in popularity) is necessary a problem...

(Like at babynamer.com my DDs name was ranked about 300th, but everyone says it is lovely and it fits her and they love it!)

However, I think it depends on the name.

Is the name hard to pronounce, or does it have a similar sound as somewhat common names? Is the name some type of "made-up" word or combination of names; or is it simply a name you personally deem "ethnic-sounding"? etc. Many things to consider....

I've heard a story, which I have no idea if it is true, about a girl named Sh**thead... pronouced Shi-tee-haad .. which would obviously be an easy opportunity for being teased, as well as being overlooked professionally

[OakShannon]

It's an interesting question. I'm not sure there is any right answer, necessarily. And I'm sure there are a lot of different thoughts on this one. We've thought about this too because we're talking about submitting our homestudy again for #2.

Personally, I think because our kids stand out, I would not want to choose a name that would really stand out as unusual. Not every uncommon name does this, of course. But, for example, I had a student one year named Thelonious. Really unusual and people commented on it. I probably wouldn't choose something like that. But other names, while you don't hear them every day, don't attract that kind of notice.

We also (and this is just us - I'm sure not everyone would agree) would try to choose a name that is reasonably common in both the AA and CC community. We have tossed around and rejected possibilities that seem a lot more common among CC children than AA children.

[MamaS]

I had three AA sisters in my school who were named (by their AA mother): Cinderella, Rapunzel, and Beauty. They were teased by both AA and CC children. If it is just an uncommon name -- Rhoda, Gladys, Sherry -- I don't see a problem.

[JenC]

None of the names I'm playing with are way out there by any standard, they're just not that common around here...I'm thinking of names like Selah, Hope, Avery, Evangeline, and Keziah...a little uncommon but not out-there weird. Thanks for the thoughts! We certainly won't be naming anyone Cinderella or S***head, yikes stripes!

[Amber76]

We worried about this too-our son's birthmom named him Jose. We thought that was too obviously different from us-our nephews that we are raising are Tony and Drew- so we looked for something that fit in a bit better. But, we also wanted him to have a name that fit a Latino man when he is grown. That's why we settled on Benicio. (Jose we kept as his middle name.) We call him Ben, which is pretty "normal" around here (although I don't actually know anyone named Ben) but he also has the option of using Benicio as well when he's older. (And, actually, I call him Benicio most of the time now, but everyone else mostly calls him Ben.)

Names are just so tough to choose, aren't they? It's hard knowing that your choice of names could affect your child forever!

[Casey677]

We adopted transracially twice. Avery was one of my top name choices that dh vetoed. You have to decide what works best for you!

[Gwen72]

When we were waiting we decided on Jolene Elaine if we got a girl but fought like cats and dogs about a boy's name. DH's father's people were from Czechoslovakia. He wanted to name a boy Wenceslaus Vaclav. He wanted an "ethnic name" and I wanted a "normal name". I told him I would divorce him and adopt as a single mom. He backed down and the boy's name is William Patrick. I think all the names you listed were very pretty. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for your little girl!

[JenC]

Gwen, I don't know if you remember or not, but we're with the same agency you used for William. I'm a little afraid of girls because of 1) hair - I can barely do white girl hair! and 2) attitude/drama in teen years - good grief, once I grew up I apologized to my mom! However, yesterday DS (22 mo) came up to me and said clear as day "baby sister" out of the blue. You better believe I made sure I had my phone on me! I seriously never thought we'd wait this long specifing BR/AA, and we've looked into a few referral agencies, but we're pretty comitted to staying just with the agency for right now. But still, I'm expecting that darn phone call every day!

Um, I'm sorry, but poor little Wenceslaus would get his rear kicked every day in school.

[mommamarci]

Originally Posted by Gwen72

When we were waiting we decided on Jolene Elaine if we got a girl but fought like cats and dogs about a boy's name. DH's father's people were from Czechoslovakia. He wanted to name a boy Wenceslaus Vaclav. He wanted an "ethnic name" and I wanted a "normal name". I told him I would divorce him and adopt as a single mom. He backed down and the boy's name is William Patrick.

No offense, but little William does NOT look like a Wenceslaus Vaclav. (Although, I honestly don't know if I have ever met a child that did...)

And, don't you love the ultimatums? My dh said we would not have a child until we were married for 5 years. I told him I would divorce him, marry another guy, and have a kid with him before the five year mark! Needless to say, we started TTC on our first anniversary!

[mommamarci]

Jen- My rule when naming kids is that I want a name that is easy to pronounce and spell, but not common! Both of my boys have (what I consider) normal names. They are pronounced just as they look and spelled just as they sound. But, I doubt there will be many in their class with the same name.

I grew up with a name that was NEVER spelled correctly. (It still isn't ever right.) I hated it. I hated having to correct every teacher, coach, friend, etc. on the spelling of my name. I did not want to do that to my kids.

I don't think any of the names are going to make the child stand out. They are a little different but it is not like you are wanting to name a girl Apple!!!!!

[aclee]

Originally Posted by JenC

None of the names I'm playing with are way out there by any standard, they're just not that common around here...I'm thinking of names like Selah, Hope, Avery, Evangeline, and Keziah...a little uncommon but not out-there weird. Thanks for the thoughts! We certainly won't be naming anyone Cinderella or S***head, yikes stripes!

I love Avery and would consider it for a girl if DH would. He's a stick in the mud though.

I have a friend named Evangeline and we call her Evie.

[Gwen72]

I still talk to N from our agency regularly while getting all the post placement stuff done. I can remind her to call you if you'd like. William has such big hands and feet that the doctor says he's going to be a very large man. I think he could have defended himself from a name like Wenceslaus but I'm glad I convinced DH not to do that to him.

[committedsoul]

In our family, we have a pretty good mix of names... I changed Jonathan to Benjamin and will be changing Brandon to Nathaniel.

We like a mix of traditional, different, and Biblical names in my family...

Oh, and one my nephews names is Keziah. One of my nieces is named Isis. The other is Evalisse. We call her Eve. My parents are Paul and Mary, lol.

I plan to adopt 3 more boys... a basketball team, lol...

SO, so far I have

Benjamin Jonathan
Nathaniel Brandon

And will soon hopefully have-

Gabriel Irocc
Daniel William
Emmanuel Malachi

Middle names will be their birthname... unless I give birth... then I get to choose the ones above

[JenC]

Gwen, you can remind N to call, but I just sent her more books this week, so we should be fresh on her mind! Come on, not wanting to hit the 6 month mark!