[want2adopt_IN]

I am wondering if anyone here is AA (or otherwise non-CC) and adopting a CC child. I was placed with the Peanut 3 months ago with the hopes of adopting and now it looks like it will indeed come to pass.

It never even phased me that she was CC and I am AA. What does phase me are the comments from folks in the store who ask "Are you fostering?" "Who is her mother?" "Is she white?" "How did you get a white baby?". Partly because I live in a predominantly CC community these comments always come from CC people. AA people tend to assume that she is just an extremely fair skinned AA child and go about their business

Just needing to vent and hear if anyone else has to deal with the same crap. It seems that the same ignorance/racism is at play, but this time it's being directed at someone who can fully understand it.

[Sohmakun]

I'm not an adoptive parent yet but I'm a single AA lesbian adopting CC, Asian or Eurasian child next year. I haven't gotten any rude comments from CC people yet but in my experience its the black people who have something to say. I couple of months ago a AA woman was very angry at me for "turning my back on the AA community" by adopting a CC child. Thankfully though, I'm now starting to meet more and more AA adopting transracially but its still not as common as CC adopting transracially. I don't think most of them realize how lucky they are to have lots of resources available to them but were're going by trial and error. So although I have no information for you, I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

[want2adopt_IN]

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

I'm not an adoptive parent yet but I'm a single AA lesbian adopting CC, Asian or Eurasian child next year.

When I started my journey I didn't care about race. My wish has always just been to get a child who was a good fit for me (and the Peanut is PERFECT for me). I will take white, brown, or green children as long as I feel that they are best placed with me.

You specifically want CC or Asian children? May I ask why?

[Sohmakun]

Long and short of it I had visited orphanages in Russia and China when I was about 18. I knew in my heart I wanted a child that reflected a culture that I cared so deeply about. Unfortunately, my plans were changed with China and Ukraine's new rules, Russia and Kazakhstan's new fees and Belarus and Vietnam's new closure. Not to mention it is very difficult for homosexuals to adopt internationally. I would have to lie or hide my sexual orientation in order to adopt and I don't think its fair for me to jeperodize adoptions from those countries for my own selfish gains... so thats why I'm adopting domestically.

[musemoon]

I am the CC mom of a AA/Latino kiddo :-) But my friend is the AA mom of a CC/Latino kiddo (who looks CC) people always ask if we are with the "wrong" kids and we just laugh hysterically and tell them "no" no questions answered, we just move on!

You will get dumb questions....(yuck!) but we are changing the world, take a deep breath and be prepared to laugh hysterically, if not for yourself, for your kiddo :-)

We as parents need to remove anger from the situation, these are our children and we can educate the world to broaden their perspectives...not an easy job, but a necessary one for all of us.

[mommytoEli]

some people are just lame. i'm cc, and we fostered aa children....and the only stares and comments we got were from cc people. it drove me nuts.

that being said. i have only known one family that was aa adopting a cc child....but they were amazing! they were a large aa family with many kiddos they had adopted or were fostering, and they had this one little cc girl since she was a baby. when she came up for adoption, they naturally wanted to adopt her as she was very much a part of their family. i think too many people get wrapped up in thinking we should all stick to adopting children that match us, without realizing that when children are placed in our home, we fall in love with a child, not a color. i think there will always be people who do not understand transracial families. but there will also be lots of people who also don't get adoptive families. both of which my family are. i can't live my life worrying about those people. i can only do what i think is best for my family.

the comments will never stop coming. and you will never get used to hearing the crap stupid people can say about your kid. the comments about babysitting will always bother you. somedays you will just smile and shake your head and sweetly say, "this is my daughter," and leave it at that. sometimes you will feel the need to educate them and explain she is adopted, and sometimes you will just very snottily respond that NO you are not babysitting and give them some witty comment about how closed minded they are as you storm out. lol! i'm usually nice...but i find i've been rolling my eyes alot lately when i hear the lame comments....and i haven't been very patient about my answers lately either. tuck a few good come backs in your pocket, practice a few polite responses, and then don't worry about what people will say.

good luck to you

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by musemoon

I am the CC mom of a AA/Latino kiddo :-) But my friend is the AA mom of a CC/Latino kiddo (who looks CC) people always ask if we are with the "wrong" kids and we just laugh hysterically and tell them "no" no questions answered, we just move on!

You will get dumb questions....(yuck!) but we are changing the world, take a deep breath and be prepared to laugh hysterically, if not for yourself, for your kiddo :-)

We as parents need to remove anger from the situation, these are our children and we can educate the world to broaden their perspectives...not an easy job, but a necessary one for all of us.

I could not agree with you more musemoon!

[musemoon]

Thanks Somahkun :-) good luck on your journey as well.

Transracial adoption really does ROCK! Just a little um..more challenging at times, but hey, my kiddo is two...nothing is more challenging that that...well, I hear...three is. YIKES.

[manni28]

Long and short of it I had visited orphanages in Russia and China when I was about 18. I knew in my heart I wanted a child that reflected a culture that I cared so deeply about. Unfortunately, my plans were changed with China and Ukraine's new rules, Russia and Kazakhstan's new fees and Belarus and Vietnam's new closure. Not to mention it is very difficult for homosexuals to adopt internationally. I would have to lie or hide my sexual orientation in order to adopt and I don't think its fair for me to jeperodize adoptions from those countries for my own selfish gains... so thats why I'm adopting domestically.

Can I ask a question? As a AA adoptee, and adoptive parent of a AA son, why are you only wanting to adopt a CC child? I read your previous post and I am still curious?

-Manni

[makarios79]

My first foster son was CC and people always assumed he was biracial because he was with me.

Nobody IRL ever said anything to me that was negative.(Had a few people online to do so though) It may have something to do with the fact that since I have been a foster/adoptive parent I have purposely moved to neighborhoods with LOTS of diversity. The apt complex and neighborhood I used to live in literally had people of all different races/ethnicities from several different countries.

The subdivision I live in now is also very diverse. My neighbors on one side of my house are CC..the other side are AA...My neighborhood has AA, CC, Hispanic, Asian, and there are several Interracial couples with Biracial kids....

Nobody in my neighborhood has ever asked me about my kids or their race (to my face anyway)...When I venture to other sides of town, I always get asked if my kids are "mixed" or just the other day I had a friend who I hadn't seen in a long time ask me what nationality my kids were. I was like "American"....She was like you know what I mean what race.....I said they are CC and AA.

I foster/adopt all races and in my county it is just as likely to get a CC child as it is a AA child if you are open to race. About 43% are AA and 41% are CC. (the last time I looked at the statistics) I know many AA who are fostering/fostered or adopting/adopted CC children. As a matter of fact just about all of the AA I personally know of in my city have fostered at least one CC child.

Originally Posted by want2adopt_IN

I am wondering if anyone here is AA (or otherwise non-CC) and adopting a CC child. I was placed with the Peanut 3 months ago with the hopes of adopting and now it looks like it will indeed come to pass.

It never even phased me that she was CC and I am AA. What does phase me are the comments from folks in the store who ask "Are you fostering?" "Who is her mother?" "Is she white?" "How did you get a white baby?". Partly because I live in a predominantly CC community these comments always come from CC people. AA people tend to assume that she is just an extremely fair skinned AA child and go about their business

Just needing to vent and hear if anyone else has to deal with the same crap. It seems that the same ignorance/racism is at play, but this time it's being directed at someone who can fully understand it.

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by manni28

Can I ask a question? As a AA adoptee, and adoptive parent of a AA son, why are you only wanting to adopt a CC child? I read your previous post and I am still curious?

-Manni

Oh, I didn't say I was open to only CC I'm also open to Asian or Eurasian too. I love the children in those orphanages to death. I just don't think its fair for me, a lesbian, to adopt from a country that isn't "gay friendly". One of the reasons China closed their doors to single parents was because they didn't want homosexuals adopting Chinese children. Ethiopia may also close too because of the same reasons. Why make everyone else in the world loose that chance to have the child they always wanted just because of my own selfish reasons? Thats the reason why I'm open to those races is because I still want a child that reflects the cultures that I care so deeply about.

Yes, there are lots of black and biracial children in this country who need homes but there are also CC, Asian and Eurasian children who need homes too. Its really the healthy CC infants who are adopted very quickly, the ones with health problems are just as less likely to find homes just like AA children. I don't believe that just because I'm black I have to be open to a black child. Just like if I were a single or gay man that doesn't mean I have to accept a boy or if I had a disability I cannot request a healthy child or if I were an older parent that I have to have an older child.

[sbaglio]

Sohmakun, I hear what you're saying. Everyone has to life their own truth. Right or wrong, just be prepared for a lot of questions...this topic has come up before!

[makarios79]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I want to adopt from Haiti and India for the same reasons....(I have been to Haiti and my church sponsors orphanages and often visits orphanages in India.)

For me, I am open to ALL races. I don't exclude any races, but that is just my PERSONAL choice. I am researching my next adoption and if Ethiopia closes to singles and because Haiti is taking forever and India is leaning more towards in country and NRI adoption, and I only want an infant the next time....Neither of the above options may be choice for me....So if that happens I will most likely be foster/adopting again and honestly the first infant girl that comes along (regardless of race) that becomes available for adoption will be my next daughter.

You have to do what's right for you, whether anyone else agrees with it....

People still think I am a fool for adopting not only 1, but 2 daycare aged children as a single mother...but at the end of the day I am the one who has to live with that decision. (Wait til they find out I plan to adopt again... And I still want to foster even if it doesn't end in adoption....lol)

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

Oh, I didn't say I was open to only CC I'm also open to Asian or Eurasian too. I love the children in those orphanages to death. I just don't think its fair for me, a lesbian, to adopt from a country that isn't "gay friendly". One of the reasons China closed their doors to single parents was because they didn't want homosexuals adopting Chinese children. Ethiopia may also close too because of the same reasons. Why make everyone else in the world loose that chance to have the child they always wanted just because of my own selfish reasons? Thats the reason why I'm open to those races is because I still want a child that reflects the cultures that I care so deeply about.

Yes, there are lots of black and biracial children in this country who need homes but there are also CC, Asian and Eurasian children who need homes too. Its really the healthy CC infants who are adopted very quickly, the ones with health problems are just as less likely to find homes just like AA children. I don't believe that just because I'm black I have to be open to a black child. Just like if I were a single or gay man that doesn't mean I have to accept a boy or if I had a disability I cannot request a healthy child or if I were an older parent that I have to have an older child.

[loveajax]

I had an online friend who was black who was married to a white guy. Her first adopted child was a white baby boy. It was horrible how many people "assumed" she was his nanny. I think when people see white women with black babies, they will assume some kind of transracial adoption instead.

But I do think it is so awesome that black moms and dads are parenting white kids. I'd love to see more and more of it so that this "double take" that I'm sure happens a lot won't happen in the future.

Good luck to all of you!

[joskids]

I think that AA families should adopt whatever child they feel qualified to parent -- the same way CC families do. It just HAS to stop mattering what everyone else thinks. I am CC, married to an AA man. I smile every time I see an AA woman with a CC man -- because, to me, it just means that the world is FINALLY opening up -- not enough, mind you - but it's all good!

Hugs,