[Yash]

Congrats on your daughter's case turning to adoption. My oldest daughter Sasha and I were in the store and this black woman stopped and walked up to me. She asked, "Is she yours?" I said, "Yes." The woman looked at Sasha in her Baby Bjorn and turned at walked away. Then she stopped again and looked at us and said, "Well that one woman did have one black twin and one white twin."

I laughed. She was just trying to work it out in her head. Some people just assumed my husband was white and she took after him. It amazes me all the scenarios people come up with and never think about adoption.

I was always open to race when I was doing fost/adopt. Enjoy your baby!

[manni28]

You have to do what's right for you, whether anyone else agrees with it....

I agree and that’s why I was asking. I am blessed to have been adopted by my aparents (their AA). I’m NOT blessed because we are the same race; I’m blessed because their good parents. I have one bio son and another who is adopted. I wanted to adopt because my experience being adopted, but mainly because there are too many black baby boys that end up in foster care. I was always taught to "give back" to my community (not saying you weren’t) and this was one of the ways I could do so. I can have children; I wanted to help a child who could have ended up in foster care and then the streets.


I wish you the best.

-Manni

[MB80sgirl]

I think adoption is a personal decision & anyone who wants to adopt has the right to choose what kind of child they want to adopt for whatever reason.

[want2adopt_IN]

Thanks so much for all of the responses and to everyone for sharing their stories. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one dealing with these issues.

I am perturbed by the comments, but I work really hard to never get upset in front of the peanut because she can always tell when I am upset and then she gets fussy! She is my ultra observant and sensitive child

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by makarios79

I am researching my next adoption and if Ethiopia closes to singles and because Haiti is taking forever and India is leaning more towards in country and NRI adoption, and I only want an infant the next time....Neither of the above options may be choice for me....So if that happens

If a long in-country stay doesn't bother you, you can always try adopting from Kazakhstan. The children are of Caucasian, Asian and Eurasian heritage and are about 9 months and up when they come home. The only drawback is that the in-country stay is about 1 month for the first trip and about 1-2 weeks for the second trip. The total cost is about $45,000 if you travel with a friend and about $37,000 if you travel by yourself.

[committedsoul]

Wow... I am just now checking this thread out... I'm glad I found it... where have I been???

Anyway, I'm sure that most of you know the struggle that I have been through to adopt my baby boy, B. I am a single AA in the State of Maine and I feel like I have been going through HELL to adopt my baby.

I've had the nanny comments, babysitter comments, the where's his mother comments, the dirty looks...

It's for this reason that we are packing up and moving as soon as the adoptions are final.

The worst thing was when a caseworker "jokingly" said: How dare you think you are going to come here and adopt a caucasian baby. We've had people wait for years for a healthy white child. I don't think that's doing to happen...

That is forever ingrained in my mind.

But you know what? My baby just had tubes put in his ears... he can hear me now. He can speak to me now. I'd keep every dirty look and nasty comment just to hear my white baby boy look at my brown face and say "I love you, mama"... like he does at least 100 times a day... It's worth it.

If you want to know my story, search for my previous posts...

Committed

[Sohmakun]

Originally Posted by committedsoul

Wow... I am just now checking this thread out... I'm glad I found it... where have I been???

Anyway, I'm sure that most of you know the struggle that I have been through to adopt my baby boy, B. I am a single AA in the State of Maine and I feel like I have been going through HELL to adopt my baby.

I've had the nanny comments, babysitter comments, the where's his mother comments, the dirty looks...

It's for this reason that we are packing up and moving as soon as the adoptions are final.

The worst thing was when a caseworker "jokingly" said: How dare you think you are going to come here and adopt a caucasian baby. We've had people wait for years for a healthy white child. I don't think that's doing to happen...

Wow! I'm speechless! I thought what I went through was hell but I think this story takes the cake! If you don't mind me asking, who are making most of these comments? Is it AA people or CC people?

[committedsoul]

The comment about adopting him came from a DHHS Caseworker. Those looks come from CC people. Maine is not a very diverse state. Any AA people that have seen me with him have been supportive, but it's a support that I don't want... like "It's about time we started adopting theirs"... I hear that from AA people... but it's sooo not about that. It's about love.

[DancinBear63]

We all make choices that will work best for our own unique situations. I'm AA, DH is CC, and we are specifically interested in an AA/CC biracial child. I was absolutely stunned when, during our homestudy, our sw asked, "Why are you interested in adopting a biracial child?" She then proceeded to elaborate that many biracial kids can be darker than full AA children (DUH!). I explained to her that it wasn't about skin color, but we feel we can offer. (I'm not sure she understood, but I was really frustrated by the experience.)

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by DancinBear63

We all make choices that will work best for our own unique situations. I'm AA, DH is CC, and we are specifically interested in an AA/CC biracial child. I was absolutely stunned when, during our homestudy, our sw asked, "Why are you interested in adopting a biracial child?" She then proceeded to elaborate that many biracial kids can be darker than full AA children (DUH!). I explained to her that it wasn't about skin color, but we feel we can offer. (I'm not sure she understood, but I was really frustrated by the experience.)

Girl you know I have been there!!

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by DancinBear63

We all make choices that will work best for our own unique situations. I'm AA, DH is CC, and we are specifically interested in an AA/CC biracial child. I was absolutely stunned when, during our homestudy, our sw asked, "Why are you interested in adopting a biracial child?" She then proceeded to elaborate that many biracial kids can be darker than full AA children (DUH!). I explained to her that it wasn't about skin color, but we feel we can offer. (I'm not sure she understood, but I was really frustrated by the experience.)

When we were looking around for an agency to sign up with, we interviewed one in Massachusetts (we used to live in Boston for years before moving to MD, and we traveled back specifically to meet with the agency director). It was a small agency (I am MORE than happy to tell you the name if you want to PM me), but from our conversations over the phone and their website, it seems to fit our needs.

DH is Hispanic, and I'm black. Okay. We speak with her for a while, saying that we'd prefer to adopt a biracial child, but are open to any race. She proceeds to tell us how her and her CC husband had adopted a part Mexican/part CC son, and a biracial (AA/CC) years ago. She says "You can hardly tell my son is part Mexican - only Mexicans can tell!".

Umm, we looked at the picture of her family hanging on her wall, and the kid looked Mexican (and we're not). She stated that her daughter having "AA features" (her words) had become an issue as she's grown older. Then she proceeds to lecture us on how hard it is to be minorities in this country! How some biracial kids are darker than black kids. How hard it is to raise children of color, that we should get training, that we have to know what we're getting ourselves into.

HELLO!! She wasn't blind, and we were sitting right in front of her. I think she had some issues with her own adoptive choices, to put it mildly. We were so miffed.

[Yash]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

When we were looking around for an agency to sign up with, we interviewed one in Massachusetts (we used to live in Boston for years before moving to MD, and we traveled back specifically to meet with the agency director). It was a small agency (I am MORE than happy to tell you the name if you want to PM me), but from our conversations over the phone and their website, it seems to fit our needs.

DH is Hispanic, and I'm black. Okay. We speak with her for a while, saying that we'd prefer to adopt a biracial child, but are open to any race. She proceeds to tell us how her and her CC husband had adopted a part Mexican/part CC son, and a biracial (AA/CC) years ago. She says "You can hardly tell my son is part Mexican - only Mexicans can tell!".

Umm, we looked at the picture of her family hanging on her wall, and the kid looked Mexican (and we're not). She stated that her daughter having "AA features" (her words) had become an issue as she's grown older. Then she proceeds to lecture us on how hard it is to be minorities in this country! How some biracial kids are darker than black kids. How hard it is to raise children of color, that we should get training, that we have to know what we're getting ourselves into.

HELLO!! She wasn't blind, and we were sitting right in front of her. I think she had some issues with her own adoptive choices, to put it mildly. We were so miffed.

I'm sorry I had to chuckle at this story. Maybe you guys should have taken that class on the rigors of raising minority children. Did you ask her where you could sign up? LOL! The things people say and don't even realize how insane, ignorant, stupid it sounds.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by sbaglio

When we were looking around for an agency to sign up with, we interviewed one in Massachusetts (we used to live in Boston for years before moving to MD, and we traveled back specifically to meet with the agency director). It was a small agency (I am MORE than happy to tell you the name if you want to PM me), but from our conversations over the phone and their website, it seems to fit our needs.

DH is Hispanic, and I'm black. Okay. We speak with her for a while, saying that we'd prefer to adopt a biracial child, but are open to any race. She proceeds to tell us how her and her CC husband had adopted a part Mexican/part CC son, and a biracial (AA/CC) years ago. She says "You can hardly tell my son is part Mexican - only Mexicans can tell!".

Umm, we looked at the picture of her family hanging on her wall, and the kid looked Mexican (and we're not). She stated that her daughter having "AA features" (her words) had become an issue as she's grown older. Then she proceeds to lecture us on how hard it is to be minorities in this country! How some biracial kids are darker than black kids. How hard it is to raise children of color, that we should get training, that we have to know what we're getting ourselves into.

HELLO!! She wasn't blind, and we were sitting right in front of her. I think she had some issues with her own adoptive choices, to put it mildly. We were so miffed.

Your like...umm... Hello? I'm black he's Hispanic! Duh

[want2adopt_IN]

Originally Posted by committedsoul

. Any AA people that have seen me with him have been supportive, but it's a support that I don't want... like "It's about time we started adopting theirs"...

Heard something similar from a CC woman today after she got over the fact that the Peanut wasn't just fair skinned. That and her "Wow, she's going to be diverse" and "Who is going to teach her about white culture". I looked into my sleeping babies face and smiled. Then I just walked away. Maybe she'll just think I'm rude.

[nickchris]

I am AA myself, who adopted an AA toddler via foster care. You will find all kinds, who will have such issues in life. I agree, it is my experience (we have a few races in our family) that more than likely AA will be more accepting. We see, and take care of all types of babies.. of all shades, since the slavery days. I have read of those who were given some push back, by the fostercare professionals, for wanting to adopt a CC child, because they the potential aparent were Black. You seem to have a balanced view of your adoption journey. Hang in there, it stinks when our children are exposed to ignorance, and we must be equipted, I can PM you a couple of web sites that may help if you like. My first child was a premie too, 32 weeks. Best wishes to you.. :-)

Originally Posted by want2adopt_IN

I am wondering if anyone here is AA (or otherwise non-CC) and adopting a CC child. I was placed with the Peanut 3 months ago with the hopes of adopting and now it looks like it will indeed come to pass.

It never even phased me that she was CC and I am AA. What does phase me are the comments from folks in the store who ask "Are you fostering?" "Who is her mother?" "Is she white?" "How did you get a white baby?". Partly because I live in a predominantly CC community these comments always come from CC people. AA people tend to assume that she is just an extremely fair skinned AA child and go about their business

Just needing to vent and hear if anyone else has to deal with the same crap. It seems that the same ignorance/racism is at play, but this time it's being directed at someone who can fully understand it.