[veggiegirl]

We've had 3 calls for possible babies since we've been home with DD. DD is not even 3 months old yet! (Why weren't we getting these calls when we were waiting for DD - oh yeah, because DD is our meant-to-be baby!!!)

The first call came literally the day we got home with DD so we were not interested. The second ended up not panning out (emom chose to terminate the pregnancy), and just today I got a lead on an older baby. The last two babies were (in order) 1/4 AA, and full CC. DD is full AA. Is it wrong that I want our next child to be full AA or biracial? DH is set on us only having 2 kids and the thought of DD being the only dark-skinned person in our family kills me. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach and anxious. I love her more than words can describe and I already know she will face challenges soley because of her race. I feel that the last thing she needs is to not "fit in" with her own family. I really think she needs a non-CC sibling so she can identify more with him/her. He/she will be more likely to have the same experiences as her - things that we have never ourselves experienced. I was somewhat interested in the situation I heard about today (CC baby), but when I found out the baby is CC, I immediately thought, "no way". If we could adopt more than 2, I would be interested, but because DH says 2 is the limit, I just can't bring myself to even consider this child. I feel horrible!!!

[mommamarci]

Yes and no. This last time, when we worked with an agency, we said no to anything other than AA or AA / some other race. We plan to adopt only AA babies with agency adoptions. However, if a situation fell in our laps, we would probably not even ask about race. We are considering doing foster care next and plan to not specify a race for that. I do want to have at least one more AA baby one day but we have no plans to stop anytime soon!

Good luck with all this!

[gabyj]

I totally understand how you feel. I also hated the thought of my DD being the only AA person in our family. My DH and I actually talked about that and were deciding how to handle our second adoption when we got the call that our DD had a newborn half brother so God took care of that one, but I've been there.

I CAN tell you that when we are in family reunions and all my babies' cousins are lilly white, I love that my children have each other to look at and see they have someone else who looks like them.
The funny thing is that my mom had a hard time at first with us adopting an AA child. Of course now she is the proudest grandma. But she told me one day, shortly after DD came home, that she hoped the next baby would be AA so my DD would have a sibling that looked like her. That was a shock!

I know this does not make your decision easier, but I wanted you to know you are not alone in feeling that way and it does not mean you are horrible. It means you want to protect your kids and make their lives as easy as possible, given their circumstances. Whatever you decide those kids are blessed to have you as a mom.
Blessings,
Gaby

[mommmmy]

Here's something that our social workers told us that has always stood out to me....there will be all sorts of situations that you may be presented with and they may really tug at your heart. First and foremost, you always MUST do what's in the best interest of your existing family.

You have to do what's right for your family.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. I guess too I always felt like...there are so many waiting for CC babies.

[OakShannon]

When you want a child, it can be so hard to say no. But I feel the same way that you do. We want one more child eventually and we plan to specify that we want an AA child so that Daniel can share that with his sibling. The first time around, we did not specify race at all. Your reasons make sense and it may end up being important to your daughter. I think Mommmy is right that you have to start with doing what's right for your existing family.

[Linny]

Veggiegirl,
I completely understand your thinking and position. I have to tell ya, dh and I fully believe that it's important in our family to have more than one child of one ethnicity.
When we adopted our first while living overseas, we knew that the next child needed to be Asian too. The agency was very surprised at our stand, but we didn't want it any other way.
When we went about to adopt privately again, our next baby was AA. All succeeding babies have been AA; we'd like another AA baby; and we *would* consider a multi-ethnic baby (AA/any other ethnicity) but we'll take no CC babies. (And have had the chance to do so, BTW.)

Here's my philosophy too.......as mommmy stated, there are couples waiting for (usually) long periods of time. Why would dh and I accept a CC baby, when that's not what we feel led/want to do? I know there are others who don't share that feeling, and that's fine for their family; but this is right for us.

Each person/couple has their piece of the puzzle to complete, fill in. While one family feels led to adopt an AA baby, another feels better to parent a CC baby; one desires very special needs, another doesn't; while yet another feels led to adopt only domestic, another international, and so on.
Each of us has that part to fulfill, and should do so according to their heart, their existing family needs/desires.

Okay...jumping off of the soapbox here....but I'll add----I think wanting only another AA baby, is a good way to go.

Sincerely,

Linny

[Vogi2002]

Nope. I will not adopt a CC baby for our third adoption. We want an AA baby girl, BR would be okay too.

We are doing it not only because we want our kids to share thier heritage...but also because we know that there are families needed, and we want this, so we don't EVER want a child to be without a family that is racing to them!! KWIM?

If someone called me with 1/4 AA and CC situation I would laugh in thier face. 1/4??? Really? Do they call on CC situations that are 1/4 german, 1/4 irish? Why not? Oh yeah...because they all have white skin that is all that matters...grr...sorry...going on a little rant there.

[SupaModel]

I can undertsand what you are saying but I am confused about one thing. When DH and I was waiting to adopted we wanted a BR child because we are interracial couple. Well I got flammed. Why not full AA? Why turn down any child? etc... So how is it different turning down a CC baby just because the color of their skin? Again I understand why and it makes perfect sense to me BUT I feel there is a double standard on these boards.

ETA - DS was listed as 1/4 CC & 3/4 AA. I was like really??? Umm ok .

[Vogi2002]

Supa - you being an interracial couple I think everyone understood you just specifying BR.

Personally i do not feel there is a double standard as, once again, there is a NEED for home for AA children, so passing up on CC is nothing considering the HUGE amount of people that prefer JUST CC.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Vogi2002

Supa - you being an interracial couple I think everyone understood you just specifying BR.

Personally i do not feel there is a double standard as, once again, there is a NEED for home for AA children, so passing up on CC is nothing considering the HUGE amount of people that prefer JUST CC.

I didn't think about the need for homes for AA. I thought you just meant color. Now I understand

ETA - After re-reading some of the PP & OP it does seem that the issue is color (for some) more than need for a home.

[Vogi2002]

Supa - I can't speak for everyone, but I would have loved to have had an AA child to share thier heritage also, but that is specifically because we are CC, so we do not share that with our child. I would be okay with BR, because they too share the AA heritage. I'm sorry but I don't see how CC is a heritage. Irish...german...european....maybe but CC is just another word for white skin it seems.

I can understand wanting a hispanic child if you have a hispanic child already. I don't understand being open to anything but AA if you already have a hispanic child, if that's the case it's not about trying to share heritage.

Beyond that, I think even though it IS about heritage and race (not *color*, race) because of the need for AA homes I can see why some people would say that I am not goign to be open to CC at all...or hispanic...or anything else. Especially the dreaded "full AA" that so many people don't even consider. At least that is why I did it...because I KNEW I would be the only family open to full AA, and at the same time I wanted to have them share thier heritage / race.

Does that make sense? LOL I know I'm jumping around, going back and forth from working.

I guess I would be "offended" if yall were open to BR and CC, but not full AA.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Vogi2002

Supa - I can't speak for everyone, but I would have loved to have had an AA child to share thier heritage also, but that is specifically because we are CC, so we do not share that with our child. I would be okay with BR, because they too share the AA heritage. I'm sorry but I don't see how CC is a heritage. Irish...german...european....maybe but CC is just another word for white skin it seems.

I can understand wanting a hispanic child if you have a hispanic child already. I don't understand being open to anything but AA if you already have a hispanic child, if that's the case it's not about trying to share heritage.

Beyond that, I think even though it IS about heritage and race (not *color*, race) because of the need for AA homes I can see why some people would say that I am not goign to be open to CC at all...or hispanic...or anything else. Especially the dreaded "full AA" that so many people don't even consider. At least that is why I did it...because I KNEW I would be the only family open to full AA, and at the same time I wanted to have them share thier heritage / race.

Does that make sense? LOL I know I'm jumping around, going back and forth from working.

I guess I would be "offended" if yall were open to BR and CC, but not full AA.

I totally understand what your saying.

[Casey677]

We had decided long ago that whatever the race of our first child, we would specify that race for our second since we planned to have two children as well. Our oldest dd turned out to be 1/2AA 1/2CC. Our second dd was supposed to be as well. I'm not so sure and neither is her bmom (or anyone who comes in contact with her) that there isn't something else - Hispanic perhaps? Honestly, I must hear a 1,000 times a day that she's Samoan. Anyway, I guess my point is that even if you specify race and hope for a sibling that "looks" like your dd, there are no gaurantees. They do have a similar skin shade, but completely different features and hair types. We also now have a bio CC baby. No one can tell me that these girls are not sisters in every single way. Seeing my girls together now and knowing how it all turned out.... I would have looked more into the CC baby if I was you. But when I just had one dd, I felt the same way. Experience and time changed how I felt....

[Vogi2002]

Casey - that does bring up a great point. It shouldn't be about looks....so if you are trying to "match" then I wouldn't really put much into that.

I know for me it was more about race, and racism they would be faced. If a CC situation were to fall in my lap? Well I don't know...if I was only going to have 2 like the OP probably not, but I am (hopefully hehe) going to have one more, so then I wouldn't be so worried. Also - there really is no guarentee that your two AA children will really feel that "Bond" because they are both AA, they could have two totally different experiences also!!

[cmcmanigal]

VeggieGirl,

I feel the same way. DS is AA and we planned to adopt another AA child when he gets a bit older. Now I am unexpectedly pregnant. (Everybody gets pregnant after they adopt, right? The first person who says that to me is getting smacked.)

Anyway, I am concerned that DH will not go for a 2nd adoption if we already have two children. I find this rather upsetting, because I really want DS to have an AA sibling. If this pg works out I hope it's a boy because that will be my only chance of talking DH into adopting again. He really wants a girl.