[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by veggiegirl

Is it wrong that I want our next child to be full AA or biracial? DH is set on us only having 2 kids and the thought of DD being the only dark-skinned person in our family kills me. It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach and anxious. I love her more than words can describe and I already know she will face challenges soley because of her race. I feel that the last thing she needs is to not "fit in" with her own family. I really think she needs a non-CC sibling so she can identify more with him/her. He/she will be more likely to have the same experiences as her - things that we have never ourselves experienced. I was somewhat interested in the situation I heard about today (CC baby), but when I found out the baby is CC, I immediately thought, "no way".

I honestly think you are making a wise choice. We would have made the same choice. Both our children share the same ethnic heritage (aboriginal Canadian) and we are glad they have this in common.

[loveajax]

My daughter is biracial and for now is an only child.

DH and I talked the other day and decided that if we adopt again, we would specify only AA or biracial. I would like for DD to share that with a sibling. Unfortunately, I'm not sure we really can adopt again....sigh!

That said, we got a call recently about a friend of a friend situation (baby born). I was so frazzled that I did not even ask what the race of the baby was. But I would have pursued it even if the baby were CC (it would have been an "identified adoption" and very cheap) - -turned out the baby had been placed quickly with another family.

[HeidiK]

After my 1st son was placed with me, he is AA- I also knew that I would be AA specific for the 2nd - AND it had to be an open situation. I went to a 2 day seminar thru PACT and they REALY drove home the point. Its SO important for children to have someone in their own family to share a similair experience with. So I feel for those who do get PG after transracial adoption.----LOL

[OakShannon]

Heidi, We did transracial adoption training through PACT too. They are very good, aren't they? I'm so grateful for what we learned before Daniel was placed in our home.

Casey, I do see your point - but my concern is not so much having children who look alike but children who share the same experiences of being transracially adopted and who come from the same culture/heritage. They may have very different appearances and coloring - but that's not really the point. Also - through church, playgroups for multiracial families and other avenues, we are building ties to the AA community and I would want any other child we adopted to be able to benefit from that and participate in that with Daniel.

[cmcmanigal]

Originally Posted by HeidiK

I feel for those who do get PG after transracial adoption.----LOL

If it's any consolation, it will probably miscarry like the others. So don't feel too bad. RFLMAO

[Casey677]

Originally Posted by OakShannon

Also - through church, playgroups for multiracial families and other avenues, we are building ties to the AA community and I would want any other child we adopted to be able to benefit from that and participate in that with Daniel.

Absolutely, I couldn't agree with you more. And I love that ALL of my girls benefit from it.

Oh, and about appearances. My oldest at 3 is very sensitive to the way she looks. In her words, she gets sad that her hair doesn't "shake" like all of our hair does. Her hair is definitely AA in texture, whereas her sister who is also BR has hair more like Kerri Russell from Felicity. It is a difference that bothers her. And it makes me sad that it makes her sad. We tell her constantly how beautiful she is, how gorgeous her hair is, style it just how she likes it, but it still bothers her. So appearances are noticed (even at very young ages) and definitely do matter.

[mommmmy]

To be completely honest here...personally - I even thought twice I would get calls for biracial babies simply because I know in the adoption world they are more likely to find homes.

This part always really gets to me because I think that people are really fooling themselves in thinking that it's somehow "easier" if they adopt a biracial child rather than a full AA child.

Obviously for IR couples that's a very different conversation.

[sissyminsky]

We were open to any race the first time, but since we adopted transracially the first time we decided to be open to "everything but white" the second time around. The director of our agency laughed and said, " We can do that." There are enough differences between siblings that I think it will be nice to have some core similarities.

[BethanyB]

I agree that you are making a wise choice for your child. I was open to any race when I first applied to be a foster/adopt parent through the state. But after my son was placed with me I knew that I would only adopt an AA/AA-biracial child after that. I am white, my whole family is white obviously and since I am single I do not have to worry about having a white husband. Not that I would worry about it but you know what I mean. If I was married to a white guy and both of us and our families were white and then I adopted one black child and one white child, I just feel that it would make things harder for the AA child.

So now I have two AA children. They are actually bio siblings as it worked out. I got the call for her a year after bringing my newborn son home from the hospital.

Not that a white siblings would have been any less a sibling in any way, just that it may make the AA child in the family feel like they stand out too much and that they can't totally relate to anyone in their family.

[MB80sgirl]

[quote=Linny]


Each person/couple has their piece of the puzzle to complete, fill in. While one family feels led to adopt an AA baby, another feels better to parent a CC baby; one desires very special needs, another doesn't; while yet another feels led to adopt only domestic, another international, and so on.
Each of us has that part to fulfill, and should do so according to their heart, their existing family needs/desires.

This is exactly how I feel. I feel strongly that I really only want to adopt a black girl, & my husband feels the same. We have several reasons. We've been waiting 10 months now & are probably going to sign up with a new agency. I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever get matched or if this is just a dream but I want to get the right baby for our family.