[swd]

I hope this is the right forum and that I don't offend anyone... I'm just wanting to know what others' experiences with this are, or if it's a non-issue to most.

We all (DH, adopted DS, and I) are CC. I've always been open to adopting a child of any race, b/c race just isn't an issue to me. My concern now is that if we adopt a child of a different race/cultural background, is s/he going to grow up feeling like s/he doesn't "belong" in our family b/c of the difference in skin tone? I certainly don't want to put a child in that position, but I also don't want to make narrow-minded decisions just b/c society can be that way sometimes.

I guess my question is, for our profile, is it better to say we only want a CC child, or is it really a non-issue for one child in a family to be racially different from everyone else?

Ugh. I hope I'm not coming across as idiotic as I think I am right now...

[aclee]

I think it's a personal choice. DH and I have one adopted son who is AA. We will adopt another AA child or BR child for our next child (prefer AA though)...once we have 2 AA children we would open ourselves to all races again. It's important to us that Ty (and the other child) have another person in the house that can offer more than love...they can truely understand. Just how we feel...I know others feel different. best of luck!

[Casey677]

We have 2 BR daughters we adopted and one CC bio dd. I really freaked out about the surprise pregnancy and how our first 2 dd's would feel. As time goes on.... I am guessing that a lot of my worry was for naught. They are sisters. I am sure that some issues will arise as they get older, but I am hoping that if we just continue to love, nurture, and make each of our dds feel beautiful and special we'll be just fine.

When we first started the adoption process in 04, it was our plan to adopt twice.... being open to different races the first time and then specifying race the second time so both kiddos were of the same race. Although my first two are both BR, they look quite different. In hindsight, wanting them to be of the same race probably wasn't as important as I thought it would be....

[MB80sgirl]

It's a personal decision between you & your husband. My best advice would be to do what feels right to you, what you feel is best for your family.

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by aclee

I think it's a personal choice. DH and I have one adopted son who is AA. We will adopt another AA child or BR child for our next child (prefer AA though)...!

Aclee, I totally get what your saying (you meant full AA right?) but BR is same as AA to me. In the AA community not matter what you are mixed with you are still consider black. Well actually not just only AA communities either.

[aclee]

Originally Posted by SupaModel

Aclee, I totally get what your saying (you meant full AA right?) but BR is same as AA to me. In the AA community not matter what you are mixed with you are still consider black. Well actually not just only AA communities either.

I know YOU get it Supa However if we got a BR child and he/she was a very light skinned child that is seen as different than my dark chocolate espresso baby here by most of society. Are there any guarantees the next baby will be "as dark" no, but if he is full AA, Tyler will have someone else that at least doesn't have that 50% free pass to ignore they are also 50% AA, again, full AA is only our ideal. Course nothing about any of this is ideal. I'm be adopting from foster care. I would consider Hispanic and other minority children as well. In the long run, with many children (in my dreams!) I think that if you can at least have one other child in the house that is the same minority, it does help. No one is odd man out, or is completely different than everyone else. That of course makes me sound like I"m starting Noah's arc here or something, breaking the children into pairs.

I'm sure I over think this a lot, but I have to. I face enough challenges as a trans-racial mommy without others looking at my family thinking, gosh look at the poor AA boy, their other son/daughter is so much lighter. The fewer rampages I can take on, the better.

I know that many in the AA community still consider the one drop rule law, but many in the CC community don't. BR is still preferred over full AA, and a BR child would be shown preference by many. Heck look at the financials for adoption. The agency that brought us Tyler has a posting for a bi (maybe tri) racial male infant with drug and alcohol exposure due to be born. Right under that is listed an AA male due to be born. The AA male is 5K less. No bmom expenses etc, these are flat rates. Yes, I keep tabs on their despicable agency. Love my son though!

[swd]

Sorry, I didn't word the question correctly -- that's my question to myself! Believe me, I realize it's a totally personal choice... I'm interested in others' thoughts and experiences though, b/c I'm wondering if I'm overthinking it or being too PC.

And our second will likely be our last, so it's not like we'll be able to have a UN family where everyone's different. THanks for all the responses so far!

[aclee]

Originally Posted by swd

Sorry, I didn't word the question correctly -- that's my question to myself! Believe me, I realize it's a totally personal choice... I'm interested in others' thoughts and experiences though, b/c I'm wondering if I'm overthinking it or being too PC.

And our second will likely be our last, so it's not like we'll be able to have a UN family where everyone's different. THanks for all the responses so far!

I guess my short answer is no, I don't think you are over thinking it and no, I would not adopt only one minority child. Sorry I went of course so much, but that was all I was trying to say

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by aclee

I'm sure I over think this a lot, but I have to. I face enough challenges as a trans-racial mommy without others looking at my family thinking, gosh look at the poor AA boy, their other son/daughter is so much lighter. The fewer rampages I can take on, the better.
!

Oh god don't even let me get started on the whole light vs dark skin thing. I definitely agree with you on that one!

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

One important thing to consider is what your community is like. If the kid would have to deal with both being the only AA kid in the neighborhood/school/etc. on top of being the only AA kid in the family, then it could be hard on him/her. But honestly, I've worked with a handfull of AA kids who had been adopted by CC families in predominantly CC communities, and they didn't have major issues because of it (other than not knowing how to take care of their hair in a couple cases).

[ChromaKelly]

Well, we have two biological daughters (CC) and were told it might take us longer to get chosen, but here we are. As for if it's fair for the future child to be the only member of his/her race in the family, to be totally honest, I don't know. We are planning on only adopting once, but now I'm thinking maybe we should adopt another child. But then again, there's always something to feel left out about. People agonize on the twins forum I'm on about whether or not their non-twin child feels "left out".

[shy_bear]

My hubby and I are CC. Our oldest is CC, our middle is CC with some Persian in her, and our youngest is Hispanic and who knows what. The girls don't look at him any diff. He is their brother; they are all three my kids. We get some stares and some comments; I let it roll off me. I am raising my kids to love a person based on who they are not the color of their skin. We live in a very diverse area which I will say has been GREAT! It is all what you can handle and a very personal choice.

[mommmmy]

Originally Posted by SupaModel

Aclee, I totally get what your saying (you meant full AA right?) but BR is same as AA to me. In the AA community not matter what you are mixed with you are still consider black. Well actually not just only AA communities either.

I sooooo agree with this comment! I think that often times in the adoption world people are fooling themselves. The one drop rule is alive and well and it doesn't just exist in the AA community. Maybe CC are more PC (or covert) about it...but it still exists.

This is one of those things that really makes me cringe in the adoption world. There are those who think that it will be "easier" if they adopt a biracial child. But what they don't seem to get is that the general public doesn't recognize "biracial" or "multiracial" not really.

I think people need to get very real about these things.

In regards to colorism...yep it's a big issue all over. Here's the thing...you can't know how dark or light a child is going to be whether he's "full AA", "biracial" or whatever else.

FWIW I'm one of those parents out there with 3 CC children (although most think my oldest is biracial or "something" and people often think I'm "something") and one adopted AA child. The intention was to adopt more than once going into it. But sometimes life changes. I'm a single parent now....my baby/adoption days are most likely over.

[Linny]

I agree that it's a personal choice. And no, I don't think you're thinking about it too much. I think it's wise to consider the possibilities.
IMO, I'd have to 'side' with aclee. We're both CC. Our first two are Asian and it was important then---as it is now---to us, to adopt more than one child of a certain ethnicity. The first two are now grown and on their own. Several years ago I asked them if this made a difference by having a sib that was 'same-same'. They said at the time, that they didn't feel it did.

Still....in our area, this is important to us. Our three at home now are all full AA. We've updated our homestudy and have requested full AA again.
(I did laugh at the Noah's Ark comment! Never thought of it this way; but, like I said, for us, it has always been important this way. )

Sincerely,

Linny

[FatherOfOne]

Definetely a personal choice. But I would say, that if you even have a single doubt that would have you ask others for advice, then its probably not something for you. If that makes sense.
My wife and I are CC and we adopted a mixed race child, and it is not an issue what so ever. But if there had of been even the slightest doubt, we would not have put the child in that situation.

I guess it comes down to you need to decide, and not just settle!