[swd]

The doubt comes not from whether we "want" a non-CC child. Our original profile is very open. The doubt comes from knowing that our family is currently 3 CCs and the fourth and final member will either be CC or a different race/ethnicity than the rest of us.

It's definitely not a "problem" for me, but I don't want it to be for the child!

But I also don't want to wait 3 years for a CC child just so s/he will "match" us if it's really not going to be a problem for the child.

[irelady10]

The one drop rule is alive and well ...

Okay, I have to ask- what is the one drop rule?

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by irelady10

The one drop rule is alive and well ...

Okay, I have to ask- what is the one drop rule?

I think it started during slavery but it means 1 drop of AA blood your considered AA. No matter how pale your are or blonde hair with blue eyes if you have the drop of AA blood in your family your considered AA.

Read Cain River. Amazing book and it tackles this situation.

[mommmmy]

Originally Posted by swd

The doubt comes not from whether we "want" a non-CC child. Our original profile is very open. The doubt comes from knowing that our family is currently 3 CCs and the fourth and final member will either be CC or a different race/ethnicity than the rest of us.

It's definitely not a "problem" for me, but I don't want it to be for the child!

But I also don't want to wait 3 years for a CC child just so s/he will "match" us if it's really not going to be a problem for the child.

If you have doubts...don't do it. If you are doing it because the time will be less...don't do it.

You need to do what is in the best interest of your existing family first and then for the child you will be bringing into your family.

Truly - if you have any hesitation...don't do it.

NO one can really tell you if it's going to be an issue for the child or not. But the truth is (and most don't want to hear this or talk about it) there will be some issues at some point. ALL children have issues at some point. The issues for that child may be race related or not. Your other child may end up with racial issues or not. You just can't know. But to tell you - oh no there won't be any issues...it's not realistic. No one can tell you that racism doesn't exist in the US. And I think all too often we try to sugar coat how things are or want to be in denial about it but that doesn't serve the child well at all.

I realize there are people who say all sorts of things on the boards. It can be very different as to what one's experience is when the child is a little baby vs when he/she grows older.

There are all the basic things such as - take a look at your community, your friends, your church, family, schools. There are some decent online classes that speak to much of this. I posted the link for them many times some time back...I don't know that I still have them.

[CubanaYogini]

I personally would hesitate to add a child of a different race to an existing white family. It is hard enough being adopted and feeling like you don't fit in. YKWIM?

In my opinion, the only way to do it would be for the family to radically change their life. To live in an area where the child's race was well-represented. And for the family to surround itself with friends, service professionals, and medical professionals of the same race as the child.

We adopted a 2nd full AA child because we didn't want our son to be the only full AA person in our family.

[dalene]

I don't think there's a "right" or a "wrong" answer here--but we have always thought that if we adopt one child of color, we will adopt a second at some point--even if we were to have a bio child at some point (we really only want 2 ideally). I guess we'll have to wait and see how it goes before we know for sure. Good luck as you make your decision.

[swd]

Originally Posted by CubanaYogini

I personally would hesitate to add a child of a different race to an existing white family. It is hard enough being adopted and feeling like you don't fit in. YKWIM?

In my opinion, the only way to do it would be for the family to radically change their life. To live in an area where the child's race was well-represented. And for the family to surround itself with friends, service professionals, and medical professionals of the same race as the child.

We adopted a 2nd full AA child because we didn't want our son to be the only full AA person in our family.

This is exactly what I'm thinking about. The town where we live has the child's (likely) race well-represented, but our immediate neighborhood doesn't so much. We do have friends of that background, and it certainly wouldn't be hard to bring more of it into the child's life. It just comes down to being concerned that s/he will be the only one in the family who is not white. (Of course, we have good friends whose first and possibly only child is in this position, so I'm not sure why I'm worrying so much about it...)

[Vogi2002]

I don't agree with the doubt thing. I think we all have doubts every now and then of wether we are qualified to raise a child that is different from us. I know I did and still do...it's called being a mommy - we doubt everything, but we always come back & feel better (most of the time). I think asking for help NOW is best through, because you CAN think through it a little more.

Honestly - if you decide to adopt a child of a different race, then you will need to be proactive with that child and the children already in the home. You will have to prepare all of them for racism, teaching culture, etc. Your kids will be blessed because of it (believe me) but you will have to be ready to take this on. As far as being the only person non-white in the family??? Ah well it is what you make it be for them. Some people could care less (my cousin one of them) but more so because they grew up where differences were celebrated...so they were all different & the same & that was okay.

Will your kid have issues? Maybe...but the key is to prepare yourself on how you will handle them. If you have a good diverse community you'd be surprised at how diverse of people you will run around with. Once you have a child of a different race you take off those goggles that some of us have & we start seeing things a little differently....plus your neighborhood will most likely diversify also (unless it's a racist area, which i would not recomend bringing a child of a different race than CC to).

You are not over thinking it at all!! It's good we do these things now so we can see & feel them before hand. Doubts are normal, just sit down & find out what is right for your family. It's not as serious as some people make it out to be, to be a transracial family, but there are things you have to get used to & accept.