[committedsoul]

This is a great thread!

In my opinion, I agree with all of the previous posters... it's a word that has a dispicable meaning... in any sense.

My first foster care placement here in Maine was a child that had been raised in a racist environment. When I was first caller a n---er by K, I took it as an opportunity to educate him about the true meaning of the word and tell him why I was NOT one and would never be one. When I first cooked friend chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, rice, potato salad, and cornbread (I know it's a lot of starch) , he wouldn't eat it because he said it was n---er food...

When he left here this past February after being with me for almost a year, he LOVED what he called n---er food... I took him to my family reunion last year in Atlanta... he was the only CC there... it opened his eyes and my 9 AA nephew became his best friend. He used to beg me to make potato salad, fried chicken, and cornbred...

Anyway, I also agree that the youth these days differentiate between the word n---er and n---a. I, of course, see no difference, but they do. Here, the CC kids call each other by that word...

I cringe...

As far as the term ho and b*&%h, as a teenager, I, too, was guilty of greeting my best friends like that. It was common to greet them like "hey, ho! or Hey, B*&^h!" I no longer do it now, of course (I'm 27) as I have matured, but it is what it is, and it's going to be what it's going to be. We can't do too much to change it. Some friends that are less mature than me still do so. It's okay. Thats who they are and it doesn't bother me. I know they don't mean it literally. It would strain our relationship as friends for me to try to change them.

I've heard to many communities banning the use of the N word... That's hard to enforse. That's as bad as the community in NJ that is trying to ban the young men from wearing their pants low... how do you enfore that?

Just my $.02.

Committed

[Sohmakun]

As a AA lesbian we call each other "queers" and "dykes" all the time. It's turning a negetive word into something positive.

[sbaglio]

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

As a AA lesbian we call each other "queers" and "dykes" all the time. It's turning a negetive word into something positive.

Well, I'm gay, and I don't call myself or my friends "queer". We all consider it derogatory. My earlier point was this: if a straight person were to call you a "dyke" or "queer", would you feel okay about that? If not, then there's no way that word can be considered positive.

Is the sky blue when some people see it, and red when others do? Do Jewish people endear to one another by calling themselves a word I won't repeat here? Do mentally handicapped people call each other "r----d" (sorry, just making an example) as a loving gesture? I don't get that logic, I'm sorry.

I think we all become so comfortable with what is done that we fail to stand back and look at what it is we are actually doing.

Of course, how you feel about calling your friends those words is up to you. I'm just saying that it isn't okay for me, at all, in any circumstance.

[Tazer]

I think we all become so comfortable with what is done that we fail to stand back and look at what it is we are actually doing.


Thank YOU, Sir! You said a mouthful! I was always taught that if you don't stand up for something you will fall for anything and I for one will not be guilty of that.

As the mother of twin 16 year old girls and a newborn son, my job is to educate them, to help them become successful members of society. Show me the bank, law firm, Dr.s office or even McDonalds where they can greet the customers with :

"Good Morning, Ho's, please have a seat next to the n***ga on the left and I'll get a bi**h to wait on you."

Hip-Hop is a big part of their lives but I am a bigger part. They will be guided by my life lessons, my examples and my ideas. I will not leave this job to P-Diddy or The members of G-unit. heck Diddy, Puffy, P-Daddy, Puffy Daddy, Duff Piddy or whoever he is these days can't even decide what to call himself so I will not let him decide that using derogatory terms to greet each other is OK for my kids. I say rather than let the teens of today with little knowledge of what the *N* word stems from change it's meaning we teach them why it is wrong and change their thinking. The word is not worthy of being accepted or even tolerated IMO.

There is one HIP-HOP term that I fully agree with and actually claim as my own; it's the term SHOT CALLER! I call the shots in this camp and until these dimpled darlings leave the nest it's my call. I demand command and will use a belt in hand to get respect. Getting of soapbox now, but doing so with respect. Tracy

[Tazer]

Originally Posted by Sohmakun

As a AA lesbian we call each other "queers" and "dykes" all the time. It's turning a negetive word into something positive.

And how positive does it feel when you notice someone who is not a friend and not gay point snicker and say "Look at those dykes?" What about the gay woman who doesn't feel there's any redeeming quality to these words? IMO it is impossible to use derogatory terms to up lift anything negative. But it is your choice. tracy

[SupaModel]

Originally Posted by Tazer

[b]:

"Good Morning, Ho's, please have a seat next to the n***ga on the left and I'll get a bi**h to wait on you."

Tracy

Sorry but I had to laugh at this!!

[aclee]

to comments on the terms that many use for those who are gay, I have to comment on a conversation we had just last night.

A friend of a friend has several gay friends. Not that I don't, I actually have a sister in law, but he was talking about his friends. Anyway, he said that his friends were upset about the use of the term "gay" by many to describe something stupid or silly in nature, and that was derogatory toward them. I actually agreed and was sort of disappointed in myself that I had never realized that. It's not a term I use, but if my child did, I'm not sure I would have recognized that as something hurtful to people who are gay. Would love some input from others?

[greenrobin]

You want to feel old? Try this out.........................

My son has step-kids. They are my (eek!) grandkids now. The kids are bi-racial. And beautiful, if I do say so myself!

His best friend since 2nd grade, CC, used that word more often than I can remember, never in front of me because I correct anybody in a minute. That's the teacher in me. My son would laugh at me and tell me it didn't mean anything.

Until M and E were part of his life.

Now he doesn't speak to his best friend. All over a word. A very powerful word.

As for using b, and ho, and gay--same thing. Since when did it become acceptable to be openly nasty to one another? We worry about how prevalent violence is, yet we accept children--children!--greeting each other with insults. And notice, the insults are directed at those we perceive to be different, the same people who have always faced discrimination: women, people of color and homosexuals.

I am not opposed to rap, but I'm sorry, I have difficulty with the idea that rap music that uses this kind of language is a pillar on which to base, well, anything!

[Wisdom]

The history of the "n" word is a derogatory term for Negro. Why an AA person would want to use the word is beyond me, and because many young CC people don't know the history behind it so see nothing wrong with using it.

Is it offensive? Yes!

[atouchofheaven]

i understand the idea of people "taking back" the word and turning it from something negative to positive. but it's confusing the heck out of me. i don't know what is okay and what's not. maybe we need to have an open dialogue (the country I mean) about it. i can't keep up and i don't know whether it's right for me to be offended (for my son) or not.

maybe if we were more comfortable talking about these kinds of things with one another (religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, etc) there would be less assumptions, judgements, and ignorance about our differences.

[atouchofheaven]

tazer - that was hilarious! i read it out loud to my husband and we both laughed and completely agree. other people can decide what they tolerate their children to talk, but ultimatly we are the ones responsible for teaching them right from wrong. i totally agree with the whole greeting thing. it's just not acceptable in the "professional world". at least from what i've encountered.

[SHD]

I agree with those of you who find the word offensive and understand the derogatory history of this word. What kids need to know is that many people died in VERY unpleasant ways to keep from being called this name. How dishonorable to them, their struggle and their memory to "change the meaning" of this horrible word. The meaning will NEVER change. I can't tell people of color how to feel but my Bfriend (who is AA) has NEVER used the word nor does he find anything positive in being allowed to be called such a word. For the life of either one of us we can't understand how this came about. Our DD will learn about the word and that it is/was/will be an offensive word with offensive intent attached to it.

[OakShannon]

Aclee - Yup, I have to agree that the use of "gay" to mean something stupid or lame is offensive. As is the use of the word "retard." (I have a brother who is developmentally delayed and he was tormented by that word in school.) I have zero tolerance for both in my classroom, but I'm dismayed by how many other adults let them slide.

I also agree that N***** and F***** are both too ugly - with too ugly a history - to be reclaimed. I think a lot of the people using them don't know the history behind the words. Like the fact that "faggot" is another word for kindling and the use of the term for gay men goes back to a time when one punishment for being gay was being burned alive. Not pretty.

Now, on the other hand, I have to stick up for Sohmakun. I find neither "queer" nor "dyke" offensive. I went to a university with a "queer studies" department and go to church at a seminary that teaches a class on "queering theology" (Now THERE'S something to get a lot of knickers in a twist!) I think the way that word is being used now is rather interesting. And it's a term that I think originated within the community - one of those words (like gay) that was used as a kind of code to signal others at times when it was unsafe to speak openly. And I have no objection to being called a "dyke" - although I do think I'm a bit too femme to pull it off convincingly. But my partner, my best friend Debbie, our social worker who, God love her, just got back from a vacation at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival - they can all carry the label with distinction and I can't imagine any of them being offended by it.

As to the question of having them shouted at us by strangers, well . . . a few weeks ago I was walking with my partner in our neighborhood and a woman shouted from her truck, "Look at they gay ladies!" Now, even in my touchiest moods I can't find the term "gay ladies" offensive. Odd, perhaps. But not offensive. It was the pointing and shouting that ticked me off.