[cbrink7]

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are in the beginning stages of adopting (I mean really the beginning ). I had a question though...

My husband and I are both CC and I would love some advice/stories of experience about whether a AA child has a hard time adjusting in school, etc. with CC parents while growing up. I don't think I am asking this correctly, but I hope everyone gets the jest of it. There have been comments when we mention that we are open to any race-oh well the child will have problems in school, will get teased, etc. It almost makes me feel gultiy and selfish for being open to any race (like I am willing to make their life harder or something... ). Has anyone dealt with this?

I know in our home there would just be love, but I would be worried about the outside world, I am a teacher, so I DO know how kids can be...look I am already trying to over-protect my future child......My husband is more concerned then I am about this, so any advice to would be great too!

Anyway, any advice would be wonderful!

[Linny]

This is a copy of a post I made on another thread some time ago in answer to someone who posted the same concerns as you. I don't think I could say it any better, and I hope it helps in some way..... --Linny

Please understand, I do not mean to offend you. I can appreciate that you're asking questions because you and your husband are taking this move seriously. (And this is good, because I don't think a lot of people do...)

Now I'll go out on a limb here.......

While I think it's important for you to consider how this child will grow up.......it is more important (IMO).....for you to recognize how you both will feel about this child.

Situations change. Neighborhoods change. (We live in a very rural area...predominately white......10 miles from the nearest college town that is more diverse.)......but, I can tell you that---for most of their years---we raised our first two within this environment, very successfully.....and they are Asian. Our youngest two (now three--we've adopted another baby since this post) are AA, and still very young.

Yes, there are concerns. Yes, there will be some hurdles to overcome...but the bottom line in everything I have read is 'how will you deal with forever being a family of color?'
Are you both prepared to cry, laugh and discuss with your child about this hard world of racism?
Is there a chance that you will continually wish you had a bi-racial child, or CC baby instead? And....given that this baby might be AA......will you be disappointed that s/he might not have a lighter complexion, or more CC features?
One of the saddest things I have seen...is when adoptive parents go into transracial adoption.....and continually try to make the child/baby seem 'lighter'.....try to 'play down' the darker complexion'........or read about the parents talking about 'how this baby just doesn't seem to be like ours......'

These are the things I find more important. You can always find more people to be with, a new neighborhood, a different church, it's true. But, if there is even a twinge of 'gee, I wish s/he were lighter, or really CC'......then I think there are deeper issues here that need to be addressed before taking in any child of color.

But, it's the 'gut-level' feeling I would be paying more attention to. After all......regardless of color, this baby/child/teen and adult will be depending on you to steer them through life, love them and be by their side.

At the end of the day, it's that relationship that will be paramount in the scheme of things, I think.

My best to you in whatever you decide....

Sincerely,

Linny

[cbrink7]

Thank you for your reply...

I think more the issue I was facing was the random comments around me making me question how I truly feel in my heart. I was starting to think that I was naive for thinking that my love as a mother would be enough. Now from the responses that I have gotten I realize that it is not me, and I should go with my heart. I know that I am "up" to the challenges (and JOYS ) of raising any child.

Thank you again...