[bajj]

Are we assuming biracial autmoatically means part cc? If so, i wonder what my youngest son is considered since he does not have a white bparent.

Love, I don't think you need to apologize for adopting your child. You know you're blessed, so don't feel you have to justify your reasons for adopting her.

I do have a biracial child. I don't feel the need to apologize for adopting him, either. I personally was open to any race, including cc. I didn't set out to adopt a certain "type" of child and while I understand why they are there, those "type of child" forms annoy me!

All that to say, love, don't apologize for loving your daughter and adopting her! She is no less special regardless of what color her skin is.

[loveajax]

Bajj, thank you...I think what Nick is saying though is that I did not check the "AA" box, but the AA/cauc box. So I am not prepared to raise my daughter because of that because I am not "comfortable" with her being black (which I am not agreeing with, but I think that's her opinion, which of course she is entitled to).

[nickchris]

Now, for one thing, I am talking in general, based on the overall topic. Thus do not take it personal.
My other point is this, I am biracial and so is DH.. etc etc; as is most Blacks in the US. Chris Rock is biracial, per his DNA. Placing an emphasis on the child's total background is not wrong, but I am talking per the the OPs general ? .. what is the real agenda towards choosing biracial (AA/CC) over a so called full AA child?

Did I clarify this?

[loveajax]

Right, Nick. But some people (who are white) are saying that they felt (or feel) more comfortable adoping a child that also had a white parent. And again, I understand that many (most?) black people in America are "biracial" in the sense that they have white ancestors. But I think when people talk about "biracial" here, they (usually) mean having a parent that is white. I think that's what Sleeplvr was asking about and I was just trying to be honest that I was more comfortable with the thought that DD would also have a white birth parent. To be even more honest, I was scared like he.ll when we were adopting (I didn't have children yet) and maybe I was looking for some arbitrary "connection."

Re: "forgetting" about DD being black, we have an OA with DD's birth parents (her dad is black). That's been one of the main reasons I have been glad to have an OA so that she will have him in her life.

I totally appreciate your input. It has made me think about a lot of things....and questioned stuff, etc. that I would not have otherwise.

[nickchris]

I started off by trying to indicate the specific type of biracial which is AA/CC. While I do have other racial mixtures in my extended family members, I prefer to discuss about the one that I know the most about. lol


[quote=bajj]Are we assuming biracial autmoatically means part cc? If so, i wonder what my youngest son is considered since he does not have a white bparent.
/quote]

[nickchris]

I am not going to speak for Sleeplvr, but just like an interracial couple, how does one handle the hurdles? I am fully aware that its about identifying with the bioparent, when the child is raised by said parents, they see both parent represents their racial mix. In OA, that can be helped, but w/o the OA option, there goes the link that can help the child with the possible identity issues.
Being biracial can have additional identity issues on top of what society seems to treat them as. Add being adopted on top of it, add the possibility of not looking like ones present parents. What are you? even my Dh gets asked that once in a while..
So my post prior said.. how was the aparent preparing for this, if they are not ready to face "race" from the beginning, maybe never, when/what is the better scenario?

Originally Posted by loveajax

Right, Nick. But some people (who are white) are saying that they felt (or feel) more comfortable adoping a child that also had a white parent. And again, I understand that many (most?) black people in America are "biracial" in the sense that they have white ancestors. But I think when people talk about "biracial" here, they (usually) mean having a parent that is white. I think that's what Sleeplvr was asking about and I was just trying to be honest that I was more comfortable with the thought that DD would also have a white birth parent. To be even more honest, I was scared like he.ll when we were adopting (I didn't have children yet) and maybe I was looking for some arbitrary "connection."

Re: "forgetting" about DD being black, we have an OA with DD's birth parents (her dad is black). That's been one of the main reasons I have been glad to have an OA so that she will have him in her life.

I totally appreciate your input. It has made me think about a lot of things....and questioned stuff, etc. that I would not have otherwise.

[HeidiK]

Open adoption is a great way to ensure that my boys stay connected to the African American community. In fact - we will be going on vacation togetherme, my two boys, the youngests birth family that includes his 4 sibs, birth mom, and birth grandmom) this summer for 5 days. My oldest son see his birthmother and his sibs at least twice a year. Its not the only thing I do - but it helps. I request the they be placed in the classroom of the african american teachers. Look for African American doctors and health professionals in my community. They go to Karate classes taught by biracial and black instructors. WE have ongoing outings and freindship with other families that are craeted thru transracial adoption. CHurches are another way to connect kids to adult role models...not easy to find black Jewish men at our temple ( although at the gay Jewish Temple - lots of black kids but its a 2 hour drive and not a good place for Mommy to met men )

[ljsdo2007]

There are a lot of assumptions flying here.

Speaking for us, I can say that our choice of wanting one parent CC is very much they way that loveajax describes: regardless of how strangers may perceive my child, if I can share part of their heritage, it gives me and handhold on this slippery slope of race. Anyone who thinks it's not a slippery slope isn't paying attention, and by acknowledging that, I am not saying we are "uncomfortable with race." On the contrary, we are respectful of how big an issue it can be, and that is why we want our child to be able to see his bmom and understand that there is a shared heritage between her and us, and thus us to him.

In our situation, the father is unknown and apparently not locate-able at this point. He was a one night stand, on a night that she also had sex with a hispanic man, so we truly have no idea what this child's racial makeup will be, and may not know for some time down the road.

I think there is a lot of emphasis on how society views the biracial child, which is AA if they are darker, but may also be CC if they are lighter. We will deal with that, and have thought long and hard about how to go about it. But what matters most to us is our family.

Wanting to share the birth mom's caucasian heritage is not a crime, it is done out of love and respect for our child. We want them to have roots in two cultures, and know that we see them as a fantastic blending of those cultures into one unique person. Mixed is mixed, and I know for a fact that MANY mixed people do not personally identify with EITHER race, no matter what society sees them as. Instead, they identify as mixed, which is what they are.

To deny either part of their culture, either by calling them CC or AA, is a disservice and disrespect to their blended heritage.

[ljsdo2007]

Originally Posted by HeidiK

I request the they be placed in the classroom of the african american teachers. Look for African American doctors and health professionals in my community. They go to Karate classes taught by biracial and black instructors. WE have ongoing outings and friendship with other families that are created thru transracial adoption.

Those are great ideas, some of which we'd come up with as well as we've been thinking about this. Really, we aren't as clueless as some of you seem to assume.

Our problem specifically is that birth dad is AWOL so we can't really call him up and invite him to the beach, so we are going to have to find more creative ways to help our child have good AA role models.

[BethanyB]

I didn't matter to me if my kids had two black parents, two Asian parents, or whatever. I am comfortable with everyone because I realize that people are people. I don't need my kids to look like me or share any part of my racial identity to love them or have a connection to them. I love my kids unconditionally and I realize that if my kids had a white mother or father, it would be no different than if they had a black mother or father.

If I had cared I would have gone on the list to adopt a CC baby. Now I do acknowledge race is a slippery slope for some but I just don't have a problem with it. Which is why I am concerned for the children who are adopted into families that would deny a so called full AA child yet accept a biracial child.

[loveajax]

Bethany, I've passed along your message to my DD and she thanks you for your concern. Very helpful and supportive, as always.

[nickchris]

It funny how we have documentaries, such as ones conducted by Dr. Gates, scientific proof. However now-a-days there is a drive to separate biracial and so called full AA, especially in the adoption arena, to a point where one actually choose biracial, and not full AA. You have some full AA who look more biracial than a biracial child, because of their genotype, if the biracial child looks so called full AA, would the drive to celebrate their Irish heritage be as strong? what will the CC parent then identify with, if they started out with the I need to have something to identify with? How about the dark biracial child, with kinky hair? How about someone like Chris Rock who is like what 45 % CC, how would some identify him on the street? Biracial has been a part of the AA community for a looong time, go to a church or beauty shop or any large meetings of AA, and you will see a myriad of skin tones, hair types, and eye shades. Its not a matter of denying one side over the other, its about being aware, and honest, who is it benefiting in the long run? Look at Tiger Woods, he does not get into the race aspect, yet he is still treated as a Black man in society's eyes. Look at Obama, he has a white mother, yet step out of line per society standards, and how is he treated? Society will treats all as Black, and even those with ambigious looks will be deemed a minority, aka non white.
Some white people may have Black DNA as well. DD is a part of our family, she will be raised in our class level, assume our values etc; but she also has her own seperate identity, from her bioparents, as an adoptee, such an identity, I can never nor do I want to change. In the US being white is celebrated everyday, being Black is not. Being Black is deemed inferior in many ways, overt and covert. This is what I have dealt with, my DH, my kids (who btw look biracial/multiracial, and are genotype biracial per DH and my family history)
Honest conversations about race is not meant to make us feel warm and fuzzy, but it's the truth.

[BethanyB]

And loveajax when my kids get older I will be sure to tell them that people are not going to accept them based on their race and color of their skin. But that anyone who does that is not worth knowing. I will also be sure to tell them that being black is beautiful and hopefully they will sense my love and respect for them and their culture. They will understand that being called black is not some category holding them back but a proud name for who they are. They will know that they do not need to be any part white in order for me to love them unconditionally. They will sense that when they bring home black friends and girlfriends/boyfriends.

"Honest conversations about race is not meant to make us feel warm and fuzzy, but it's the truth."

I agree Nickchris. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint as a black woman. That is how I keep learning each day.

[HeidiK]

Originally Posted by ljsdo2007

There are a lot of assumptions flying here.

Speaking for us, I can say that our choice of wanting one parent CC is very much they way that loveajax describes: regardless of how strangers may perceive my child, if I can share part of their heritage, it gives me and handhold on this slippery slope of race. Anyone who thinks it's not a slippery slope isn't paying attention, and by acknowledging that, I am not saying we are "uncomfortable with race." On the contrary, we are respectful of how big an issue it can be, and that is why we want our child to be able to see his bmom and understand that there is a shared heritage between her and us, and thus us to him.

In our situation, the father is unknown and apparently not locate-able at this point. He was a one night stand, on a night that she also had sex with a hispanic man, so we truly have no idea what this child's racial makeup will be, and may not know for some time down the road.

I think there is a lot of emphasis on how society views the biracial child, which is AA if they are darker, but may also be CC if they are lighter. We will deal with that, and have thought long and hard about how to go about it. But what matters most to us is our family.

Wanting to share the birth mom's caucasian heritage is not a crime, it is done out of love and respect for our child. We want them to have roots in two cultures, and know that we see them as a fantastic blending of those cultures into one unique person. Mixed is mixed, and I know for a fact that MANY mixed people do not personally identify with EITHER race, no matter what society sees them as. Instead, they identify as mixed, which is what they are.

To deny either part of their culture, either by calling them CC or AA, is a disservice and disrespect to their blended heritage.

Based on this post - I am assuming that the Emom is white? Would it be harder to connect if the Emom was black and the potential edad were white and out of the picture? Or I have a great friends with a biracial son - the bdad is black and they see him monthly and almost never hear from the CC bmom...so you still might not have the cultural connection that you think you need.

Let me say that I think you are a good person who's heart, mind and soul is really in good place - I would never assume that anyone on this thread is clueless. And I think that forms and such are finally allowing for people with two hertitages to select two boxes or a biracial box. And I hope it only gets better with time. As a white mom of two blacks sons - doing it, rasing black men - is way different than I thought it would be- better in some way and harder in others.

[ljsdo2007]

Originally Posted by HeidiK

Based on this post - I am assuming that the Emom is white? Would it be harder to connect if the Emom was black and the potential edad were white and out of the picture? Or I have a great friends with a biracial son - the bdad is black and they see him monthly and almost never hear from the CC bmom...so you still might not have the cultural connection that you think you need.

It was just in this particular case that the emom happened to be white. If the AA father was known and could participate in some way, or if the emom was AA--both of those would be actually preferable to us, so we could give our child a living connection to that part of their heritage.

Again, and I've apparently either done a terrible job of explaining this, or people only hear what they want to hear: WE would not have any problems connecting or loving UNCONDITIONALLY any child that comes into our home. We wanted the cultural connection to us FOR THE CHILD'S SAKE, so they could look at mommy and daddy and see something of themselves in us, for those times when the world made them feel like an outsider. WHY is that so hard for people to grasp? It's not about us! If it was, we'd take any kid, any color.

As a side note, we've decided not to pursue this particular potential match. I'm sure some of you who think we were wrong to specify biracial and not AA will see it as a victory, but we are very sad.

It did not come down to the fact that we couldn't handle it or were somehow ashamed or trying to "dilute" this child's blackness by hoping he'd come out looking more like us. I've tried to explain that and it has fallen on deaf ears in this forum.

What it did come down to was this: because we plan on living in rural Texas (a long standing dream of ours, for me to be a country doc and DH to run a B&B), we could not say for certain that we could provide this child with the daily interaction and support and love from the African American community that WE felt he deserved as a child of mixed race. This part of the world, at least in its small towns, is still painfully segregated. All the love in our hearts could not protect our child from this, and it's something that is really hard to swallow.
As wonderful a life as we could give this child, we already care about him too much to accept him, knowing that we may not be able to give him 100% of what he needs and deserves.

We can only hope that the adoptive parents lucky enough to welcome this baby into their hearts have given it as much honest soul-searching as we have done.