[BethanyB]

The all the rage comment was meant to be sarcastic. I actually read about how biracial children were considered to be "exotic" and very much wanted. Let me find the article about it. Trust me ladies I do my homework. I don't pull these things out of the air.

You see, I have been around for a while and have experienced many things. I understand that many of you seem to think I am making all of this up. So I went and found some articles that may be helpful for you all if you REALLY want to understand where many of us parents of AA kids are coming from.

Now, I believe many of you are jumping to conclusions. I have no problems with anyone adopting a biracial child. But it does bother me to see people who are open to anything but full AA children. Or people who are ONLY open to biracial kids.

Here is a WONDEFUL article that says everything I wish I could have said but better.

The article is from Pact the adoption alliance

Pact, An Adoption Alliance - Ask a Question

Is Transracial Adoption Easier for Biracial Kids?
Question
We are looking to adopt transracially. Our first son is biracial (African American and white) and we are both white. We think it would be easier if we adopted another biracial child but our social worker has suggested that we consider a baby who is fully African American. How does Pact handle these issues? Can you give us some insight as we make our decision?

Answer
When a child is growing up in the family she was born to, with parents of two different races, one white and one black, she has role models for each of her heritages and should certainly be supported in every way to celebrate what she will receive by osmosis from daily loving interactions with both parents. But African American/white kids who are growing up with two parents who are white do not have those same intimate connections within their family for their black heritage. To be able to feel like a fully entitled member of the African American community, whatever individual form that takes, they still need adult role models who share their heritage. Pact's experience with white adoptive families raising biracial kids is that sometimes they believe it's okay to forget the black (or Latino or Asian) part because they focus on the part of the child that is "like" them, the part that is white. It is important for parents to move beyond that view and give adopted biracial children the tools they need to feel themselves authentic members of the community of color to which they are entitled by birth.

Sometimes white parents believe they can offer more to a child who is partly white because they can be role models in a way they cannot be for a black child. But if the attachments within the family depend on racial matching, meaning white parents are appropriate for a biracial child because of the child's white heritage, what does that say to the child about the part of him- or her-self that does not match? The child in this context too often feels pressured to put priority on developing the characteristics of being or trying to be white, because she believes they will help her "belong" in the family. As an adopted child she already has a heightened sensitivity to making sure she "belongs" and to defending against the possibility of rejection. Being partly of color (not white) makes her different from her parents, so the child worries about being rejected for being part Latino or Black or Chinese. If she looks into the mirror and sees a brown face, she must discount it. She is told she is like her parents because she is half white. Her parents want the best for her. In their estimation, this means ensuring a place for her in white society. The child wonders, "What's wrong with being black? What's wrong with me?" In this way, white parents may unintentionally separate their child from her racial identity.

Biracial adopted adults whose parents went on to adopt other children who were fully of color describe the relief they felt when their parents choice so clearly validated the "part" of them that is of color. Some adult adoptees talk about the internal struggle caused by believing that their parents value the part of them that is white more than the part of them that is not. Again, their parents never said such a thing to them. But when a parent looking to adopt a second child specifically rejects adopting a full child of color in favor of one who "matches" because they are half-white, the message is hard to miss.

And, of course, kids gradually learn that our society values people of color less than white people. So emphasizing the part of them that is white, and downplaying the side that is of color is reinforced by messages kids get outside their homes. To counter this, Lise Funderberg (biracial herself), in her book, Black, White, Other, says biracial kids "should be taught to claim their black side first because that's the side that needs sticking up for." Priority should be given to supporting the non-white ethnic origins of each child's particular background because in our current white-dominated society, those are the parts that need moral support.

Racism is not somehow easier for biracial kids. Half & Half, an important book that is a series of essays written by biracial people with very different perspectives and experiences, includes an essay by Danzy Senna (a writer of black/white heritage) who says, "My mulatto experience, I argue, was difficult not because things were confusing, but rather because things were so painfully clear. Racism, as well as the absurdity of race, were obvious to me in ways that they perhaps weren't to those whose racial classification was a given.... In all this mulatto fever, people seem to have forgotten that racism exists with or without miscegenation. Instead of celebrating a 'new race,' can't we take a look at the 'new racism'?"

Sometimes white adoptive parents want to specify that their second child also be biracial because they want their kids to "match" physically. They assume similar looks will produce a similar life experience. But the designation "biracial" doesn't necessarily describe how the child will look. Both black and biracial children have an enormous diversity in their appearance. Remember, almost all African Americans are in fact of mixed racial background. It is unrealistic, then, to expect that by adopting two biracial children, the children will physically "match." And white parents have to ask themselves honestly if they might be carrying some form of racism that says that lighter skinned African Americans are somehow better than those with darker skin. What if the child in fact turns out to have a dark complexion? Will that child be welcomed into the family with the same warmth and enthusiasm? Or will there always be some residue of ambivalence or even disappointment that the family now has a member who looks 'unambiguously' black? What's more, the experience of being a biracial person is highly variable. Biracial children from the same family often process the experience differently even when they are both born to the same genetic parents, let alone when they are not.

Finally, remember that adopted children inherently have dual identities based on the reality of having two families, two legacies, one by birth (genetics) and the other by adoption which they must find a way to resolve. Children who are transracially adopted also have the experience of balancing at least two racial experiences, their own and that of their white parents. Each of these issues on its own is significant and presents challenges for children in finding themselves and growing up to be strong individuals who feel whole. Biracial children have similar but different inherent struggles in making peace with their identity and place in a world that is not very tolerant of ambiguity. Too often, the adoption community suggests that when white families adopt biracial children it will somehow be easier for those kids than if they adopt a single-race child of another race. Given the issues inherent to adoption, biracial identity and transracial adoption on their own, adding them together can only make for MORE layers of complexity in the struggle for identity, not less. In fact, in the context of transracial adoption having an unambiguous racial identity can feel like a relief for a child who is already living with so many other questions about identity.

[momtosami]

Boy, I came home thie evening to read my e-mails and Wow! I did not mean for my post to stir up so many emotions and such bickering & being so judgemental. I have to say I was skeptical about posting it and now I know why. Sorry I caused so much commotion.

I know that everyone has a right to their own opinion and you all have raised some points to think about but hey just because some are not comfortable with adopting a full AA, AA/CC, Hispanic or any other ethnicity does not make them any less of a person than those who are comfortable with it. That's what makes this world a unique place, we all see things differently. You've got to do what is right for your family.

Please, let's try to cool it down some. It is nice to be able to have a place to come and ask questions and get advice but when it gets to the bickering point it's time to bite the tongue.

Again, sorry that I stirred things up I was just looking for some insight and good advice.

[BethanyB]

Another good article called race preference in adoption.

Race Preference in Adoption « My Sky ~ Multiracial Family Life

This American Life aired a piece on NPR (January 18, 200 about a Nurse/Actress who worked in toy store FAO Schwartz’s Newborn Nursery (hat tip to Mixed Race America and Land of the Not-So-Calm). Here is the toy store’s promotional quote:

What You Will Experience When You Visit a Newborn Nursery:
As you enter the area, you’ll hear sounds of happy baby noises cooing from the nursery viewing area. When you peek through the glass, you’ll see a variety of babies with all different complexions and hair and eye colors. It’s almost too difficult to choose just one bundle of joy to take home! Once you do make your selection, a sales associate dressed like a real nurse, will help you put on your hospital gown. Papers are then completed with the baby’s name, address, and birth date. The “nurse” will carry your baby out of the isolette and will place him or her on a changing table. She’ll conduct a full health examination of your baby and then she’ll teach you how to hold your baby. New “parents” can shop for accessories (including dresses, blankets, shoes and more.) to make their new arrival the prettiest baby on the block!

(There are a lot of things about the way FAO Schwartz handles infant doll adoptions that really bother me, but I am going to focus on adoption and race issues here.)

The 17-minute American Life story is so worth listening to (download the whole “Matchmakers” show here and then fast forward to 41:00 minutes). The narrator is a light-skinned biracial (White and Mexican) woman working as a ‘nurse’. WARNING: PLOT SPOILER AHEAD . . . The dolls/babies begin to move quickly after they are featured on a segment of the TV show ‘Rich Girls’. Most of the ‘adopting mothers’ (approximate age: 7 years old) are White. Not surprisingly (to me at least), FAO Schwartz sells out of all the White baby dolls–within weeks of Christmas. The doll factory is back-ordered until mid-January. FAO Schwartz’s doll nursery has only minority Babies of Color available for sale adoption.

After the White babies are gone, then the Asian babies sell out. Next to go are the light brown (Latino/Hispanic, Native American, multiracial?) babies. The nursery is then full of Black babies–along with one factory-rejected White doll (with melted-together fingers that make its hands look like flippers). The unsellable factory-reject White floor-model doll is purchased adopted when there is an entire ‘nursery’ full of perfect Black babies dolls available.

Nothing about this story surprises me; it is simply play (some would say art) imitating life. I”m going to talk about supply and demand here. Let’s pretend we’re just talking about the FAO Schwartz doll nursery.

The people paying for the dolls/adoption are (for the most part) wealthy White parents, with White daughters choosing their baby to adopt doll. The parents want their daughter to have a White doll. Most of the daughters want a White doll. When all the White dolls have already been sold adopted by other little-girl-mothers, the racial hierarchy of doll-adoption flows the same way it does for children in real life. (Although in real life there is also the parallel gender-preference hierarchy. In the toy nursery, the ‘adoptive mothers’ simply state that their dolls/babies are girls. In real life, the adoptive parents request girls and the boys just wait.)

Here’s a real-life paralell example: a site that hosts pre-adoptive parent profiles*, families waiting for domestic–usually infant–adoption (NOTE: this site only accepts heterosexual, married couples–and most are Christian as well). Of the hundreds of currently listed waiting families:

88% would ‘accept’ a White baby
33% would ‘accept’ a South American or Hispanic baby
28% would ‘accept’ an Asian baby
26% would ‘accept’ a Native American baby
14% would ‘accept’ a Black baby
I ran these same stats for an article I wrote two years ago, and the numbers were just about the same. For biracial babies (White/____) the numbers of families willing to ‘accept’ a child rises. Adoptive parents still think raising a part-White biracial child will be easier, less complicated, than raising a ‘full’ (for example) African American child. (Ha!)

There are also the corollary international adoption statistics. The top 10 ’sending’ countries for 2006 provided U.S. families with 18,290 new children through international adoption. By region of the world, these children are from:

43% from Asia (China, Korea, India)
26% from Eastern Europe (Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine)
24% from Central and South America (Guatemala, Colombia)
7% from Africa (Ethiopia, Liberia)
The parts of this doll adoption story that strike deep inside me echo the same heart-issues I have with race and adoption in real life. Although transracial adoption should not be taken lightly (At all!), I have been kept up many a night thinking of all those Children of Color waiting for adoptive families, all those pregnant women seeking families for their unborn Children of Color. When will skin color and race be just one more thing we see when we look at someone (like their gender or their height)? When will light skin stop being a tally in the ‘plus’ category and dark skin a tally in the ‘minus’ category? If we as transracially adoptive parents are not expected (or able) to get past this light/dark skin-tone scale, who will?

I remember one pre-adoptive parent I was working with who was considering switching from the willing-to-accept-a-White-baby-only category to the ‘biracial’ category. This parent had a potential ‘match’ and wanted to know if their unborn biracial child would look ‘more White or more Black’. I gave the standard multiracial-children-come-in-all-shades response. But what I really wanted to say was, “If you have to ask that question, I don’t think you get it.” Black/White biracial is Black. If a parent can’t accept a ‘full’ Black child as their own, how can they embrace the Black-ness of a biracial child? As a country, we must be willing, no, committed to discussing race and racism and White privilege–as they relate to adoption and foster care (and to everything else).

Although I believe that no one should adopt a child they do not feel prepared to parent (race/ethnicity or known special needs), becoming a parent is not a multiple choice menu. Just because parents engineer their child to be what they desire or (in the case of adoptive parents) are ‘willing to accept’–that does not by any means guarentee the menu-selected individual will be the child those parents receive (through birth or adoption). When you have children, you get what you get–much of your child is unknown no matter how you build your family. The unknowns involved in building a family are both magical and scary, but IMO worth all the risk.

[loveajax]

Bethany, I think that's a very good article (and helpful to me, because I could have asked that same exact question). But I still take offense at suggestions that adopting a biracial kid is a "fad," or based on a parents wanting a lighter skinned kid or other things that suggest that PAPs want their kid essentially to be "white." We all could adopt white kids if we wanted to (I personally was matched with a cauc child right after the match with DD, but "chose" the match with DD...not based on race, but just because it seemed right), but for whatever reason have chosen or been placed with kids who are black. I wish there was less divisiveness among parents who at the end of the day are facing very similar challenges (and of couse rewards).

Mom, I am sorry that your thread was hijacked.

I recently posted an an article (it was talked about on NPR) about how well kids in TRA do. Are there challenges? Sure. But I think you are already showing that you care about your DD's culture...and I'm sure you could do that with a biracial child as well.

[BethanyB]

Loveajax, no one has accused you personally of anything. The OP wanted info on the subject and I think both of these articles will be helpful to her.

You may not think the way some do on the topic but you can't deny these attitudes are a prevalent part of our society. One that CC parents of AA children need to learn about in order to arm themselves with information to be a good parent to their kids.

[ljsdo2007]

"Pact's experience with white adoptive families raising biracial kids is that sometimes they believe it's okay to forget the black (or Latino or Asian) part because they focus on the part of the child that is "like" them, the part that is white. It is important for parents to move beyond that view and give adopted biracial children the tools they need to feel themselves authentic members of the community of color to which they are entitled by birth. "

That may be Pact's experience (and I was already familiar with them before this thread, believe it or not. I really am doing my homework and not just jumping to conclusions). But in my house, there have been long discussions about how to give an adopted biracial child those tools. Down to the nuts and bolts. Down to calling in reinforcements from our AA friends to be godparents and actively participate in the life of our adopted child (not that they wouldn't anyway).

Not all CC couples want to exalt their biracial child's whiteness and ignore their blackness. But we believe they are BOTH. And we believe it's okay to be able to share part of their heritage rather than NONE of their heritage as we would have with a full AA child.

Please, stop making this about skin color. It's not. Skin color is what racists focus on. We are focusing on a shared heritage and what that means to our child growing roots. We will do our part to foster the sense of belonging to the AA community (and actually have plans in place on how to do it) but it's really alright for us to want a child who can also connect to us as CC people because they are half CC.

[BethanyB]

So if color is what racists focus on, why do so many more people specify biracial when adopting? And why are more and more agencies not allowing this?

Because they know that a black child is a black child. Being black is going to be harder for these kids to relate to because they are not with black family. Thank god not everyone thinks like this. That is all I can say.

I'll let you guys continue to share your one accepted opinion on this topic. Obviously if you share a different opinion it's considered judgemental and now racist. LOL!

[Mommy24]

Please remember that while you are all entitled to your opinions and feelings, respect is a must. No personal attacks will be tolerated, anyone who can not participate in a respectful manner will be banned from the thread.

Thanks!

[HeidiK]

Originally Posted by ljsdo2007

The reason we would prefer AA/CC rather than full AA is because we don't believe that because a child is mixed race they will automatically identify with the darker race. If they do, fine. That's great. We will raise the child as we were raised, and teach them that whatever society believes or makes you think about race, a human is a human is a human, we all look different and act different and assigning race as a more important difference that eye color, hair color, height, etc. is and arbitrary and artificial way to alienate human beings from one another.

We are light-skinned. We don't care what color skin our child has, but feel it would be easier for the child if the child has some similar features to us and was CC/AA rather than full AA.

I'm not apologetic about that, and don't feel I should be. We are all entitled to our opinions, and I know there are a lot of people who think you should be open to full AA if you are open to half but I respectfully disagree.

Regardless, the odds say that a child being placed for adoption, whatever color, will be placed with a CC couple, simply because that is the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents.

I think you have made some very poor assumptions about what children need and how they perceive race and how kids develop a sense of belonging.You may want to do do additional research and reading prior to your adoption. OOps after reading all the waythrough I see that you have doen your howmeowrk and come to these very person conclusions. I still don't agree with your position, and the way you justify your decisions,

I think this type of discussion is PERFECT for a forum- it makes every one involved THINK about why they have made their own choices. Seriously - can you havethis discussion at your family reunion (although you should if you are adopting outside of your race or inthe lunchroom. AS a reader of this thread- its MY job not to be offended or feel attacked and to assume that the all people share from a good place.

I love the articles...thank you for sharing

[nickchris]

I have a question, what is the difference between a biracial (AA/CC) and full AA child?

[Sleeplvr]

I think the thing that is always danced around on the why biracial threads is that some people are not necessarily looking for biracial... they want to ensure that one of the parents is CC. If they were truly open to biracial they would know that 95% of people who are considered "full" AA are actually biracial or multiracial. The race of the birth parent seems to be more of an issue than the race of the child. Am I reading this correctly?

[loveajax]

Yes, Sleep, I think I came to that realization (though I probably didn't articulate it at the time)...I wanted to adopt a kid with a white parent (like me). It's not a skin color thing, but a "worry" that I had that if I adopted a kid who had two AA parents that I would be "removing" him or her from an AA experience (whatever the heck that is) whereas I know from my friends who are biracial that they have valued both their white relatives and culture and their black relatives and culture. I know that "society" sees most biracial people as simply black and that is what it is but I don't think all biracial people see themselves "simply" that way.

And by happenstance my DD shares in large part my and DH's ethnic b/g which I have to admit I enjoy (even though I didn't plan it).

It's probably an overly simplistic view but it is what DH and I decided on....I suppose I could say, "Yes, I was wrong, terribly wrong" but I still don't feel that way. And I'm sure I'd like people here to say, "NO! You were right." but I can't "convince" people of that either.

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter because we made our decisions, DD's not responsible for those decisions, and we really are trying to do the best we can raising her.

[nickchris]

So based on that can a person say they are really open to race?

[loveajax]

No, I don't think you could say that (personally).

[nickchris]

What I view is this, the child who is AA/CC based on their present bio parent..will be seen by this society as Black, look at one of the Democratic candidate, Tiger Woods, at present as a biracial person. One must be ready to deal with race, and racism.. to be uncomfortable with any aspect of race as not being opened to a full AA child, is one who is not prepared. I do agree one must go with what one can handle, and be honest with oneself, is it really open to race, or the cheaper fee or shorter wait than a cc baby? Who will gladly forget the Black father/family link of the child, and thus deny them that aspect of their heritage? Some things are not learned simply by reading books, and a visit to the museum.
To pretend that a biracial child is different than a so called full AA child is not good. What is that based on?