[cyndisgirls]

I need some advice... I have an open adoption with my 6 yr. olds bmom...its great, we even see each other a couple times a year. My daughter is bi-racial (very light skin, most people do not even realize she is) but my other daughter is 4 she is AA and though we left the door open for her bmom she has not contacted us. All we would like is a picture of bmom for our daughter. I feel bad because we have answers for our oldest but not as many answers for our youngest. I do have some clues on bmoms family...thought maybe of writing letter and asking for just a photo, not to be intruding but do no want to upset them.. though maybe they would like minimal contact? Just dont know...but know this ? is coming soon from our little one.

[rredhead]

I would write, and be very nice about it. Something brief, stating that DD would like to see a picture of her birthmom, just to know what she looks like. Apologizing for any intrusion this might be, it's just important to DD.
Good luck!

[bajj]

Was this a private adoption or did you use an agency? Can you ask your SW or attorney if they can contact them for you?

[Linny]

I'm with Bajj on this one. I'd contact your cw'er or attorney and ask THEM to contact the birthmom. Because she's not contacted you, I wouldnt' want to intrude. True, she might not see it this way; but you don't know one way or the other at this time.
If you have a mediator, then this would lessen any fears or intrusion she might feel. And, if she does feel fearful or whatever else, she just might be more willing to supply a photo through a third party, than directly to you, KWIM?
Good luck.

Sincerely,

Linny

[lotsa_love_2give]

I would be nervous about crossing an boundaries that your bmom may be comfortable with. I would go with contacting the third party on this one, also.

Good luck!!!

[Marie8888]

I agree as well. All our contacts are screened by the agency. (Even with that I still worry about when to do extra contacts) I like that way, it makes sure I don't stick my foot in my mouth too badly. Plus when we had to contact them for vital medical reasons (like DS was diagnosed with something that her new baby could also have, and prevenative measure needed to be taken) we called the agency and the Social Worker called her and talk to her about it. I figure they are trained to be sensitive, plus this way here privacy isn't invaded.
Marie