[musemoon]

I have been reading a lot of stuff on these boards about racism and raising children of color. I've read a lot of anger and sadness about adoption of AA/biracial children. But when I sat and thought about my own child, I felt the need to post this thread.

While I know and understand that my amazing child will face racism, I would like to share the positives of her existance to date, and the things that I will be telling her about her life so far that will help her grow into a powerful, confindent person.

I am proud of.....
The fact that her world and friends are diverse.
When ever she walks into our local Trader Joes, Jahn always gives her a balloon and a treat. (he gives them to Aria and not all the kids, so when we go to the checker and Aria has a handful of stuff, the checker says "cool, Jahn found her, he was looking for her).
Whenever we walk into our local Ralphs, the manager Roberto (from our WIC coupon days) gives her a balloon or a treat.
Whenever we walk into our local Target the security guard blows her a kiss.
That she has a fan club.
That everyone we meet LOVES her hair (big curly afro hair).
That random people stop and comment on her beauty or her personality.
That she waves and says "hi" to strangers and it makes them smile or laugh with joy.
That my friends in their 40's are now considering transracial adoption as a way of building their families.
That my daughter has helped dispell the myths of black drug babies, to many many families, in the playground, daycare and general public and will continue to do so.

I am proud that Jasmine is her favorite princess, that Polar Express (black girl in a leading role) is her favorite movie, that she loves, choses and plays with AA dolls, that she recognizes her beauty when she looks in a mirror, that she is proud and happy to be alive. That AA people have welcomed us as have Latinos and we have broadened the mind of other CC families in our lives.

Not to brag (but I am so bragging) Aria has changed the world for a lot of people in her life and she is only two. I am excited about adopting a little sister who will be influenced by this remarkable child.

We chose a transracial family, we chose to "stand out" and boy do we.....you would think I adopted a rock star!

I would love it if you could share your positives.

[loveajax]

Your post just made me cry....so sweet!

We were out the other night with friends of ours who are a married lesbian couple and recently adopted a gorgeous AA baby girl. They thanked us profusely for "leading" them thru the process and "helping" to make them a family. We were talking about all the books we have read to the kids...and they gave us the greatest Sesame Street book, "We are all different. We are all the same. (and we are all wonderful!)." I highly recommend it.

Another friend of mine adopted a biracial baby girl 6 months to the date after DD was born through a facilitator friend of mine who could not find anyone "willing" to adopt her. It's "eerie" how much my friend and her daughter are just so simpatico.

I am not saying that these people would not have come to "similar" decisions on their own, but I have this great "aunty" feeling about it all!

I frankly have had only "positive" experiences to date. Like your beautiful daughter, DD just seems to connect with EVERYONE, no matter how random the situation!! She is probably the funniest child I have ever met (even as a baby she had the craziest sense of humor!) My heart bursts every time I think about her. It still seems surreal sometimes that I am her mom!

Good luck getting your new "princess"! I would love to have a sister for DD, though I am kind of craving a "mama's boy" too!

[musemoon]

Thanks Love, that's beautiful :-) Your kiddo sounds wonderful and she's definitely inspiring people. I love it!

[BethanyB]

I have two beautiful AA children at home and am so proud to be their mom. I love that I get to look into their eyes and see such wisdom, strength, and faith. They have faith in me as their momma and they look to me to be an example for them.

I hope when they look at me, they see someone who loves them for who they are and walks that walk wherever I go. I hope they see someone who would change the world for them if I could and I hope they know that I try to do just that each day of my life.

I hope that they cherish people of all colors and understand that they are just as beautiful as anyone else. And I hope their classmates, teachers and role models feel the same way about them.

I hope my kids grow up to be respectful, kind, honest, funny, and accepting of others. I hope they stand up for themselves and hold their heads high even in the face of adversity.

Most of all right now, I love to watch them sleep and hold their little brown hands in mine and cherish every moment I have.

You see for me, I have many jobs. My job is to love them and take care of them. My job is to make them feel secure and comfortable in their own skin since it doesn't match the skin of their family members. And my job is to try and change things little by little so the world is a better place for them to live in.

I LOVE my children and the choice to adopt them was the best one in my life. They are complete joy. When I'm with them, I'm the happiest person alive. BUT that does not mean that I don't get angry, hurt, devestated by the things I hear and see in life. But you know I'm glad. I'm glad because it makes me stronger for them. It gives me time to experience the negative things they may face in life and learn how to deal NOW so I can help them deal THEN.

That is my story. The best story ever. The best kids ever!

[loveajax]

Bethany, I know we haven't seen "eye to eye" on some things, but your post is really beautiful.

[BethanyB]

Thanks loveajax that actually means a lot. I know I may come off angry in a lot of posts but I only do so because I feel hurt for my kids. That is however only one portion of my life. The rest of it is joy and happiness because I have my kids in my life. I hope everyone understands that everything I say and do is for them.

[musemoon]

Bethany that was lovely. I teared up thinking of their hands.....God I love holding my kiddo's hands. Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.

[loveajax]

I completely know/appreciate that, Bethany.

I actually have a funny "hands" story (and now I am "misty" thinking about it). When DD was really little, DH and I were driving with her listening to Bob Marley (the ONLY thing that would calm her down in the car). I sat in the back seat and held her hand with one hand and DH's with the other and thought....how can this actually be happening (meaning how can the three of us actually be a family)? Sheer joy of it!! I love DD's hands!

Oh, another thing about hands. There is this awesome book called "The Colors Of Us." It is about all the different shades of brown. The first couple of pages are just pictures of kids hands and DD loves putting hers on there....