[WaitingforaBoy]

Hi.
I posted on the general board that we are going to be presented to a birthmom on Wednesday. Needless to say we are super excited and nervous! Especially since I didn't think this agency would come through for us and so quickly. We had already set our sights on "freelancing" ourselves out in January. We were also REALLY HOPING for an AA or bi-racial baby!!! The baby that we will be presented for is caucasian.
Now that the shock that there is a birthmom is settling in I'm starting to wonder...I don't want to not be presented to her. But I also really was hoping for a baby that was not caucasian. Although, I can honestly say that I will love whatever baby we get no matter what color it is! I just don't want to feel like I am "settling"...I don't want to not be presented because I know there are people that wait years for a baby and our wait has been really short. I also know that we are VERY open (several social workers have already commented positively on our openness) and according to those SWs our wait shouldn't be long period.
Sorry to ramble. Maybe I'm having second thoughts on the caucasian baby? That sounds so sad to say. Is it normal to feel that way? The birthmom hasn't even picked us yet so I know that I could be getting my panties in a twist over nothing. Thanks for letting me ramble!!

[CubanaYogini]

I don't understand. Did you tell your agency that your preference was an AA or bi-racial baby? If so why are they showing your profile to CC BMoms?

Remember that just because you are presented to a BMom doesn't mean that she is going to choose you. If she does choose you, you don't have to accept the match.

Maybe look at this first time as a "trial run" so you get used to being presented, etc.

If and when a match actually happens, you will be able to search your hearts and you will know if the match is right for you or not.

[Linny]

While it's true this pbirthmother might not even choose you, I urge you to re-consider matching with her. Your comment of:

I just don't want to feel like I am "settling".

....would make me second think being matched with her. If you truly want to adopt nothing but a bi-racial or AA baby,then only you can make arrangements as to what you'll accept or not, KWIM?

While it's a great feeling to think you're being presented; you may very well feel as though you 'are settling' if your heart was to have a non-CC child, and it isn't what came to be. Just be very sure.

Sincerely,

Linny

[rredhead]

We were presented a situation with a CC baby boy, and I was disappointed. I had done all the research and joined a community for transracial adoption. The match fell through when she went into labor early; our home study wasn't done.
If I were in your shoes, I'd meet with the expectant mom and see what happens. Maybe you'll really hit it off, maybe it's just anxiety talking, or maybe you won't be able to stand each other. You never know.
I'll also say that, for years, I wanted a girl first, but in domestic adoption, it's hard to find a place to specify gender, esp. if you don't have children already. So, we went with "either" and we have a son. I think there was a bit of "settling" at the beginning of the match, but once I got used to having a boy, it wasn't "settling " anymore. It was just different from what I had always imagined. Going from the image in your head to reality is not always easy, and sometimes you don't realize that maybe you've always wanted it just because you got yourself into the ideal world in your head, but that outside of your head, reality is also pretty good.
I hope that makes sense.

[megaphonemo]

Just a caution from another poster who said "If she chooses you you don't have to accept the match." Careful there, at our agency, you do have to accept - or they will stop working with you.... Talk to them, and tell them NOW how you are feeling if this is really what you want....

Good luck...

[WaitingforaBoy]

Thanks everyone.
Robyn~That's exactly how I was feeling. I couldn't have said it better myself!! Exactly! When I was pg w/ds (before we knew he was a boy) I was so sure it was a girl and when we found out BOY it took a few days to get used to.
Anyhoo, we are being presented today. Hopefully we'll hear something before the days end.
Thanks for the input!