[SHD]

I just had to share this to get it off my chest. My boyfriend and I both shopped a major department store to buy our daughter some clothes for Christmas. We each went to the same store but in different cities. We put our purchases together and went through the outfits and sizes deciding what we wanted and didn't want. We went to the store where I made my purchsaes to make our returns. Before we went into the store he checked his wallet to make sure he had everything necessary to make a return, receipt, id and credit card. I asked why he was rechecking himself when he knew he had this stuff when we left the house. I am CC and he is AA. We have been together for a dozen years and I have seen my share of nonsense but I've never been to a store with him to make a return. His comment to me was, "I'm going to have to school you."

We waited in line and I went first. I told the clerk (an elderly CC woman) that we made double purchases so I needed to make a return. She went through my receipt, made the returns and told me to have a nice day. I was never once asked for id, credit card, phone number, nothing. My DBF steps up to make his returns and we were there for fifteen minutes! She wanted his phone number then pointed out that he went to another city to buy these clothes, then she wanted the expiration date on his credit card, then finally asked for some id and he refused. I can't say I blame him when he stood there and watched me fly through my return in two minutes. She called a manager over and told him that he didn't want to give an id so she said to do it without a receipt which would only allow him store credit. He told her there was no way he was going to get store credit when he has a receipt right in front of her. After the manager left the clerk claimed to do an override and credited his card. There was a barcode on the receipt that told her everything she needed to know and was on the screen. She even knew the expiration date on his card but claimed that the computer was telling her to ask these questions.

I know some of you are probably saying that we should have gotten a manager but after talking to the one we knew it would get us any satisfaction. He didn't want to get loud but he didn't want to blow it off. He wasn't exactly silent at the cash register either but he wasn't screaming and making a scene. He said this happens everytime he returns something so he has become an avid receipt saver until the item is so used it can't be returned.

I later discussed it with a mom whose family we have become close to at DD's daycare. She said she's had situations similar to this. I just hate the fact that DD is going to have to grow up and go through this ignorance.

The whole thing is just so crazy! I'm not ignorant when it comes to racist situations but to take a walk in someone else's shoes one day is something we all should experience.

Thanks for lending an ear (eye) I needed to unload.

[loveajax]

helayne, that makes me furious and also very sad.

a friend of mine took on a case against a major dept. store for a client who endured something similar (the store would not even allow the return). i also know of a children's dept. store thad had a written policy that ees should ''follow'' around black people in the store.

can i make a suggestion...can your bfriend make a complaint either at the human rights commission in your state or the better business bureau..i know it may seem ''fruitless'' to do so, but this kind of conduct (which is illegal) should be investigated and the store held accountable. again, i am so sorry.

[dragonfly1234]

I am so deeply saddened that he had that kind of trouble. Even with a manager present and it still didn't change is even more frustrating.

I worked retail for way too many years before children and feel that I need to apologize for such deplorable behavior.

[nickchris]

Sad stuff SHD, its good that he has someone like you to understand, and support him, My Dh is a black man, and he says understanding, and support from your significant other, makes a world of difference after dealing with events like that. Experienced something similiar at my bank that I went to for eons, only thing different was that I recently, had my hair twisted, which gives it a locs look. Does not matter if I am a good person, have a good education, upright, productive citizen. Really, situations like that, just wears on a person at times, whats worse is telling another person.. and you are seconded guessed.. now that is the additional killer. The reality is folks who deal with discrimination on a regular basis, just want to be treated like a normal, everyday human being..

[CubanaYogini]

Racism sux.

[SHD]

Thanks for your support. I don't know how anyone could get use to such behavior. It's like he knows when he goes into a store he's going to be watched. It simply blows my mind. He handled it well but I wish he didn't have to. This just goes to prove that when individuals say we are past all that we really aren't. I would like to see racism end in my lifetime but I'm afraid I won't. I keep praying and advocating.

Thank you all so much once again for your kind words.

[bethy724]

If your boyfriend is AA & you are CC you must have a bi-racial daughter - haven't you seen a difference of how you are treated when she is with you? I am treated differently when my bi-racial son is with me. (regarding returns, shopping ect.) I am sad for him that he will have to "get used to it" but hopeful that things get better - they are better for him than his ancestors.
I well up when I see photos of Sammy Davis Jr knowing he had to use the back entrance to hotels while the white entertainers used the front & had rooms on different floors-this is in my lifetime it happened, not my sons. He never stopped smiling -he inspires me to hope/pray for better.

[nickchris]

It It understandable SHD, especially when we think of our kiddos. A fresh awareness of what still goes on is a shocker, and now its how to put it into the right venue for the kiddos, and maintain rightly so, their innocence etc; yes prayer is a big part of those steps.

I find it good to discuss the whys and how regarding racism, at times, because its still out there. We may not deal with the racism of back in the day, thank God, but the subtle stuff is/can be debilitating to some, because more folks are liable to brush a person off. There are studies out there of how the body deals with the subtle racism. Anyhow, for the everyday living, to be healthy one must learn to place everything in perspective. It is one of those things that make most blacks stronger, such treatment is out there, but we deal with it, because we have to to survive, and we build on what our ancestors founded. Whenever you see a successful (all aspects not just money) black person, they are handling it.

[SHD]

Actually Bethy724 we don't get huge reactions when my DD and I are together because she is one of those that could "almost pass." Her skin is tan and her hair is very curly but not coarse in texture. We did go to the zoo last night and my Bfriend did notice folks looking first at her then at me then back to her. He thought it was kind of funny. (haha, not strange) He, on the other hand, is a very large man in stature and very muscular. His skin color is also something people look at, he's rather dark so to someone that is inclined to be prejudice this is very alarming. He's a wonderful person and when people take the time to get to know him they have a friend for life.

Nickchris, I think you would think my bfriend is successful because he is one of those folks you refer to as handling it well and putting things into perspective. He knows he has to give 110%. He has taught this to his older kids and put them on the road to success. He's on track with our DD. He loves her "tenacity" and "spunk." With her attitude and his guidance she'll be OK. I just wish neither of the people who are the most important people in my world didn't have to go through having to "prove" themselves.

Thanks again for your support.

[bethy724]

I'm glad you have such a level head on your shoulders & your boyfriend uses the prejudice against him & his children as a stepping stone to better things & doesn't let it dictate his road in life.

As a single foster/adoptive mom I feel I have to work twice as hard to ensure my son will not be a statistic. Even though people took the time to study how children from single parent homes will turn to drugs, a life of crime & not attend college I will not let my son be told that not much is expected of him becuase of his skin color of family make up (not sure of the study but I see it thrown out there as "family values")

Good luck your boyfriend sounds like an intellegent man that takes lemons & makes lemonaide.

[Kat-L]

I'm white. I was in line at a local grocery store with maybe 4 or 5 other customers. So the cashier looks up and says: "We don't take foodstamps at this register. You have to go to over there.". I looked behind me and saw a nicely dressed black woman who said "I don't have foodstamps". The cashier "I'm just TELLING you I don't take foodstamps.". So I butt in and say "Well, you didn't tell ME. And you didn't tell this guy in front of me.". And the cashier (who was some kind of minority herself) said "I was just telling her.".
I turned around to the black woman and said "If you had told me this story and I hadn't witnessed it, I would have assumed you were making it up. It's just unbelievable".
The woman said "I'm a sociology professor at the Univ of Md and my students will often not believe me when I tell them stories of how I am discriminated against".

[vegangoddess]

good for you for speaking up........ sometimes i believe i am nieve....... and perhaps i am......i want to believe that racism is in the past..... but am scared to death of what my boys will face when they are "out there"....... they are so sweet and inocent now and oblivious to the things they will face as the get older..... (5 years old and 19 mos)

[vernellinnj]

vegan - unfortunately, even childen that young face racism. My niece attends kindergarten at a fancy private school (costs more that $20k per year) - a classmate told her "I can't play with you, my mommy said I can't play with african-americans".

My only shock was that the child said her mom used the term african american...I thought she would be more likely to use another term. Sad that my niece had to learn a lesson on racism at such a young age...

[vegangoddess]

true enough that racism is every where.... but i have been pulling up demographics of %s of aa in school districts. the one i am in is low percentage as far as public schools. but the 2 schools i have looked at that had high ratings have18%..... so my purpose of private school aside from the hope there will be less mischief ( it is everywhere, i know) i am also looking for a higher mix of ethnicities. if that makes sence

[CubanaYogini]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

the cashier (who was some kind of minority herself)

Just curious why you chose to point this out.