[dragonfly1234]

Sometimes I feel as if some people just want to talk about how love is enough and a baby is a baby is a baby. I think one thing is true. ALL babies are gorgeous, beautiful and they just make you totally happy. I just think (my opinion just like you have yours)that particular attention should be paid to raising a child of a different race because of their needs

I find this interesting! How do you explain it and what more attention do they need?

I am like, who made up these diversity rules!? real diversity is to see the different color because it is different, accept, the sameness, and differences, not be uncomfortable.. and still get along

Can you explain more.......I like diversity!

[nickchris]

So do I when its real diversity, not trying to be curt, but I thought I explained my perception in a straightforward way. So now I am curious Michelle, and I am going to break a rule of mine; question to question: what is your perception of diversity?

[rraiford]

During the early stages of the adoption process, our agency asked us to write a paragraph on how we would raised a child of a race different than our own. We described how we live in a small town with many different races. We described how our neighborhood has other multiracialfamilies. We also described how we have friends who have adopted and are also a multiracial family. I remember I attended a high school where there very few other AA students in the advanced placement classes and sometimes in class I felt isolated. I know I cannot prevent my child from feeling isolated but I wanted him to be able to see other families that look like ours. It is also a resource to talk with other parents who have walked in our shoes. In addition to reading books to my son about diversity I endeavor to open and willing to discuss difficult issues on race and history. My husband and I just read Sundown Towns (great book, btw) and I look forward to sharing my thoughts with my little boy.

[dragonfly1234]

Nickchris......

Hmm, diversity rules, yet the concept is based on whose rules?? each person in the diversity circle, still needs a strong sense of who they are, I agree. I love such discussions, but, any parenting related topic is a sensitive subject. As strong minded as I am, I have learned every message has something I can take, and use, I just may not admit it right then, lol. I have read 100% negative stuff, as well as pure fluff posts; and do not find this thread to be of such.

You ask me what diversity is yet you state it very well....it is the enviroment and circle of family, friends and our great country that created the diversity for our son.

A quote that I found I think really sums up diversity.


In this country continuous mass immigration had been a feature of economy, strength and society since the first half of the 19th century. The absorption of the stream of immigrants became, in itself, a prominent feature of America's national myth. The idea of the Melting pot is a metaphor that implies that all the cultures are mixed and amalgamated. The Melting Pot implied that each individual and each group assimilated into American society at their own pace. An Americanized version of the original nation's cuisine, and its holidays, survived. Note that the Melting Pot tradition co-exists with a belief in national unity, dating from the American founding fathers.

[JPDakota]

Um...yeah, except I wouldn't exactly call capture, transportation, subjugation and ownership of Africans immigration. Even Sacco and Vanzetti were never told they were not people as Dread Scott was. While there were in our history ethnicities that engendered discrimination - signs that forbid the entrance of Irish, Italians, Germans and even Jews, it was not part of the legal structure of our country. It was never illegal to teach them to read. Asians came to this country and were treated badly even as they built the railroads, but no one owned them and had a deed for them. Even the Great Emancipator said that if he could leave slavery alone and save the Union he would. I'm not so sure the melting pot myth is germane to African Americans.

[dragonfly1234]

I am sorry you miss understand the point that I was trying to make....that the world has evolved and continues..... and again it is my opinion and lets make this a friendly debate.

[JPDakota]

Perhaps I did misunderstand. You presented a quote about the Melting Pot concept and said that it sums up diversity for you. The Melting Pot concept does not pertain to African Americans in my opinion. I would then suggest that the African American experience does not fall within your definition of diversity.

[musemoon]

I want to honor and share what I think is an amazing bit of diversity in our world.

My "sister" is Creole and her daughter (to be born soon) is Aria's "cousin". My best mommie friend is Jamaican and her son looks like me (I'm CC, brown haired) and my daughter looks like her :-) We just went to Yosemite and my daughter struck up a friendship with a AA family who I had noticed staring at us all through breakfast. At first I was worried...as I have only experienced this once in my life where an AA family was critical of our family, so I still stay a bit guarded at first. Very to the contrary, their beautiful son came over and introduced himself to us and I met his mom in line at the buffet and she commented on our beautiful child and noticed how much our family loved her and how happy she seemed, I then gushed about her sweet and beautiful little gentleman :-). We went back to their cabin and met the rest of the family. We all laughed and enjoyed an amazing time.

They will be going to Yosemite again next year and we will meet them there, and hopefully for many years to come. For me diversity is not negating the colors of our skin, but honoring our colors for that, color of skin. Yes culture goes with it too, of course, but culture expands and grows as our minds and hearts expand and grow. We can become sisters/brothers and friends....and to me that is diversity. I am grateful to my friends and family members who I dearly adore, who are black for seeing past the color of my skin and seeing it as just skin, so that I am included in their family so that I may offer my child a life full of diversity. So that she will grow up with black families who show their love and support of our family, which will add to her pride in who she is and who her family is, so that she can bring that pride and honor to all of the things that give her self confidence and self assuredness which will aid her in conquering any situation that may confront her.

[JPDakota]

musemoon,
Excellent comment!

[dragonfly1234]

Musemoon you are so right.....we need to get back to the orginal OP question.

I always look forward to your comments musemoon. Thank you!

[musemoon]

Bless you guys :-)

[nickchris]

Thanks for your reply Michelle, certain areas in this country have approached the different races/cultures etc; together and do okay with respecting one another. I am a mixed salad diversity concept gal myself... I have to say JP made a good point as to who sets the rules, it needs to incorporate minorities input as well, since they are the ones who deal with the everyday issues. Really who wants a man deciding on a good format for a good gals only book club, or social event? In general, discussions like this is not too off the OP radar, we need to probe our own perceptions to see if it lines up with each other, in order to understand another, in the long run it does benefit our kids. Sites like the antiracistparent seems to have some good thought provoking info on such topics. I have seen folks who think diversity is just seeing that another race person lives down the street, or locality, IMO that's demographics, not diversity in the true sense. In Musemoon's post, the key is, someone has to do the reaching out, and someone has to be open minded enough to receive. I put that book title on my Amazon list Regina, thanks.

[dragonfly1234]

nickchris.....I do agree with you. You have many valid points that I hope others listen too.

I did form another thread to just discuss diversity. I hope that you will join in the discussion!

Diversity In America

[BethanyB]

I find this interesting! How do you explain it and what more attention do they need?

Dragonfly, I could write so much on your question but since I have two toddlers running around I have to be quick. Excuse any spelling errors.

I think when you are a different race than your child (specifically AA due to the racist history of our country stemming from slavery) you have to make the effort to help your child feel comfortable in their skin and make them feel as if they have a shared history with others who are black.

This can be done in positive ways such as including many books with AA characters in your home library. Buying toys that represent what they look like. If you can't live in a diverse neighborhood, try to find other ways to suround your child with real people/role models that look like them. Joining a group, or a church with a large AA population. Talking about positive black leaders or people in history that made positive contributions to our country. Being proactive when you can when it comes to issues in the black community where you can show your child that you care and can change things.
Example: T Have any of you heard of the Jena Six case where a few boys were on trial for their lives because they got into a school yard fight with a white boy who had hung a noose in a tree? That mattered to me because my kids are black. That could have happened to my son. Now my kids are small but I went on a website and bought a t-shirt, got a bumper sticker for my car, and handed out flyers at work so that everyone knew the story. I got people to wear black on the day of protest and made people aware that I CARE about the rights of AA's in this country and that we can all change things. I want my kids to see me doing things like this as they grow up. Getting involved in things that can make life better.

I think finding good friends who are AA is good too beccause you are going to need that support and guidance. Because as much as you think you understand how bad racism is, it's only the tip of the ice berg.

There are so many other things you can do as well and I'm sure many of you already do the above things. I wish I had time to write more but maybe next time. My DD is calling me!

[SHD]

Wow! I miss a few weeks of logging on and find I am WAY behind. It took me a while to read and catch up.

Here are my thoughts. Love is wonderful but it will NEVER be enough. I respect the thougts and opinions of posters like NickChris. Bethany you have wonderful insight. Thanks to both of you. While I share both of your opinions I also learn from you.

I will never be able to feel what my daugter will feel when someone asks her why we are a different family. I am truly surprised that at the age of four, where she and her peers are noticing differences in race, none of her friends have asked why she and I are different. When my boyfriend shows up at school all the kids know they are father/daughter. So far we have been fortunate. There will be that one day that someone is going to ask and I hope I am well armed and that I have been arming her with an answer.

Raising a child of a race other than your own has its difficult moments. At the same time there is beauty in looking at a face different than your own.

I too went through infertility but at my age (I think it starts with a 4) I knew God had a plan for me so I just followed HIM. Yes, it would have been nice to hear her heart while growing inside of me but I get to hear it day in and day out. What a gift.

I cannot stress education enough. We have become friends with a family at DD's daycare that I know I can ask the mom any question and she'll be honest. On my end of the relationship I liked this family because we share similar views on child rearing, church and education. It works out that we can discuss race and be honest. My boyfriend (AA) can also help me with race discussions but this mom can also give frank answers on being an AA woman.

I saw an interview with Halle Berry about some of the ways her mom tried to prepare her for life outside of their walls. She said that her mom put both of them in front of a mirror and asked her what she saw. She told her that that is what other people see. Wow! What an impact.

My family actually shares a similar culture as many AA when it comes to food as I was raised in the south. That's where it begins and ends. My mom and dad who I would have sworn would be very negative are gaga over my DD. I have cautioned my mom about some of her comments, my dad makes excuses for her but he knows how I am, I'll cut them off in a second. I say that in the most loving way since DD is THE single most important person in my world.

There are others who have excellent points here also. RRaiford, JPDakota, Thanks.

Helayne