[jaenelle]

Okay, dumb question time. All the AA hair books I have say NOT to cut AA kids' hair for a long time -- like, until they're several years old. But a lot of other kids that I know (all white or Hispanic) are getting their first, second, or even third haircuts, and they're around Yuna's age.

Yuna's hair looks fine, and it's in good shape, but it's uneven because of the bald spots in the back and on the sides -- that hair is growing in nicely now, but it's quite a bit shorter than the rest. We mostly put it up in ponytails or braids because of it, but it's hard to do the braids sometimes, and there are days when I'd just rather leave it down, because it IS so pretty loose like that, but I don't feel like I can because it looks funny being different lengths.

Would it be okay to have her hair trimmed up to try and even the lengths out? I'd obviously take to a salon and try not to do it myself or anything. We also wouldn't drastically cut it -- just trimming to even things up.

So, would that be okay?

[Shai's Mom]

My bit of input..
I may be putting my foot into my mouth, but...

I don't think there is any "scientific" base for waiting for a haircut. A child's hair-type comes from her genes, not from any kind of hair-cut.

Waiting a year or longer is based more on supersticions than on any facts. For example, in Israel, religious families often don't cut their little boy's hair until they are 3 years old. The first hair-cut is done at a big celebration on Mount Meron, usually during a holiday in April/May. I need to look into it, but I believe it may have some base in the biblical story of Samson, who lost his strenght after his hair was cut off.

You won't hurt your little princess by giving her hair a trim.

As a matter of fact, it's not a bad idea to snip off the really fine ends of baby hair that tangle so easy.

[Shadowfaerie]

We were forced to cut our son's hair at 7 months because his head is a little flat and we had to get a helmet for him.

[kmsga]

Several AA friends of ours were adamant that we not cut the boys' hair until after their 1st bdays. It was a cultural thing w/them, so we followed their lead.
Our oldest son, who is from Ethiopia, had never heard of such a thing, and said that, in Ethiopia, they would have had haircuts long before.
Sorry no clear cut answers, and maybe it's different for girls, but I was under the impression that gender didn't matter; haircuts before the 1st bday would have been considered a no-no, at least w/the people in my circle.
BYW, Q had worn off all the hair around his head before his bday, leaving just the top, and two little tufts on each side. He looked like a combination of a hobbit and Mr. T We were sure happy to shave his head after his bday and start over, and his hair grows in so great now.
Good luck!
K

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

Yuna's hair looks fine, and it's in good shape, but it's uneven because of the bald spots in the back and on the sides -- that hair is growing in nicely now, but it's quite a bit shorter than the rest. We mostly put it up in ponytails or braids because of it, but it's hard to do the braids sometimes, and there are days when I'd just rather leave it down, because it IS so pretty loose like that, but I don't feel like I can because it looks funny being different lengths.

Hanna's hair had to be trimmed several times for the same reasons. When she was 4.5 months old, she had 3.5 inches of hair on the top of her head but none on the sides or in the back. It wasn't too bad at first-but as the side hair and back hair started coming in, it started looking kind of silly. I've gradually trimmed the top to keep it from getting too long while the sides (which caught up) and the back (which is still catching up) grows in. Right now, she still (at 2 yrs) has hair in the back which is several inches shorter than the top and sides. If I evened it off completely, her hair would be really short.

[Linny]

Our little guy now is the youngest baby, and it wasn't easy to decide to trim his hair. Growing up in the 60's and 70's, I don't like (and never have liked) really short hair on any boy, so to trim it was more of a thing with me, than someone saying it shouldn't be done (and I'd heard that too).
Still, his hair had that dredded bald spot on the back (and we tried so hard NOT to have that).....and thinner on the sides. He had a LOT of hair on top--which was wonderful.....but the rest wasn't catching up anytime soon, KWIM?
We've trimmed the top twice now...(only because I wouldn't allow much trimmed the first time), and it looks better. Deciding just how long and what to do with his hair, is totally different (IMO) than deciding on the baby girls' hair---even now.

Sincerely,

Linny

[jaenelle]

Well, we took her to get it trimmed and the hairstylist whacked off a big ol' chunk first thing (way more than we wanted and way more than we had discussed) so we had no option but to get it cut pretty darn short.

I was about to cry. It does look really cute, but it's SO short. It's all even with what was the shortest places before, and I wanted it more even with the middle length places. I know it will grow, but I didn't want it so short. And I feel guilty because it's SO short -- even though it's not my fault. I asked for a trim and got a whack job.

My husband's not mad, so at least that's something, but I still feel like crying. We almost immediately got asked if Yuna was a boy, not more than 5 minutes after getting it cut.

I guess it will be a lot easier to comb this way -- the silver lining to this cloud is no more fighting with her to get her to sit still for styling.

Here's before and after.

[Shai's Mom]

Oh, she is so sweet! What a yummy little girl.

If you get her a little head-band, then maybe the "boy" remarks will go away.

My hairdresser recently took it upon himself to cut my son's hair into a little-boy style. I was so upset and nearly cried when I saw all his beautiful black curls on the floor. It took me two weeks to get used to it.

[jaenelle]

We have a whole bunch of headbands left over from when her hair was shorter, so we'll pull those back out. Also, I think it's long enough for barrettes, so we may do that.

And it sounds like my husband woke her up on his way out the door, so I'd better go get her.

[JPDakota]

DD had her first haircut at 26 months. We left it long enough to put her hair in poms. We hate it when people think she's a boy. Hasn't happened for awhile now, thanks to her hair.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

Well, we took her to get it trimmed and the hairstylist whacked off a big ol' chunk first thing (way more than we wanted and way more than we had discussed) so we had no option but to get it cut pretty darn short.

I was about to cry. .

That's too bad. She should have trimmed tiny bits off until she reached the correct length. At least it will grow in more evenly. She looks darling. I don't think she looks like a boy at all!

[Kelli]

Jaenelle, your daugher is a cutie and I just love her little lips. I was attracted to the title of this thread as an AA woman and parent of a 6 year old AA daughter. I also have pretty strong feelings about this particular subject. Please know that I'm not trying to be impolite to you in any way, not attacking you, and I'm trying to choose my words carefully here so you won't take offense. It doesn't sound at all like you're going to cut your dd's hair again but I just want to say to you and anyone with an AA daughter, PLEASE let your dd's hair grow and do not get into the habit of keeping it short because it's easier to care for. I've seen this in some transracial families because the parents didn't know how to take care of AA hair, and how important our hair is to us. This saddens me. Believe me, I know how how hard it is to fix hair because it's one of my least favorite things to do in the whole world! I really dislike it and I've never considered myself great at it, but I've gotten better over time. I also understand that it was not your intention to have it cut so short and I can definitely see that you were angry and upset with the amount that was taken off. I would have been very upset too. I must admit when I saw the picture I gasped a little myself because your dd though young, had the beginnings of beautiful, thick, and healthy hair that will some day be her crowning glory.

Hair does grow, but AA hair typically does not grow as quickly as other hair types. That's why those other kids you mentioned are getting more frequent cuts. Different hair and different needs. What works for them doesn't work for AA hair and there's no reason why one should try to make it work. Our differences should be celebrated. AA boys hair sometimes grows faster then girls and then it's typically cut more often. I wouldn't even measure the hair growth rate of boys up against the girls.


The GREAT news is that your dd is still very young and she has plenty of time to grow some more. She has more (after cut) then my dd ever had at the same age. I had a very cute and baldie baby for a very long time, well past one years old. Today at 6 she has a head full of beautiful hair that becomes more difficult each time to wash and style, but when it's done, it's absolutely beautiful and she loves it.

Now I'm just curious, was this an AA stylist that cut her hair? I ask because I would have thought that most would have just trimmed and shaped while keeping the length. If you don't use an AA stylist then I recommend finding and using one. They are professionals in all types of AA hair and they know all about hair growth and care. They will often times try to talk their customers out of cutting too much off. Especially for little girls. Even as an adult, stylists continue to try and talk me out out it and make sure that's what I really want when I request a significant amount of hair to be cut.

Anyway, head bands and single clips, bow, etc. should help with the "boy" issue. We used them. My dd wasn't fond of headbands though. As soon as I could make one, I pulled her hair up into one of those "Alfalfa, Olive Oyl" type ponytails on the top of her head with a colored band or bow etc. I was so anxious for her to get some hair so I could start doing things with it and I could start teaching her about the importance of being proud of her hair and her appearance. Very, very important for our (AA) little girls. Since you obviously did the best thing by doing your research on AA hair and know that they do not recommend cuts (particularly for girls) then you know there is useful styling and maintence information out there as well. I still enjoy reading up on the topic myself.

Just my 2 cents. Hope this is helpful.

Best wishes,

Kelli

[Shadowfaerie]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

And I feel guilty because it's SO short -- even though it's not my fault. I asked for a trim and got a whack job.

Oh I'm so sorry. I got really upset when we had to cut our son's hair too. It was shocking. His has grown back so fast that the dr. wants us to cut it again already! So, maybe Yuna's will grow back fast as well.

[AudreyE]

I have never cut my daughters' hair. They both wear thin-ish dreadlocks, and I've trimmed them from time to time to even up lengths or separate locks, but that's it. Since split ends actually make the hair lock better, cutting it wouldn't have served my needs.

My son's hair was not cut until he was one. I have black relatives who told me I should wait until then, so I did. No other reason, really.... he looked so cute with his head shaved though, I wish I had done it earlier....

Audrey

[Linny]

Ohh Kati.....please don't think that Kelli was trying to make you feel worse about your baby's hair. Truly, she wasn't; which is why she said she was trying hard to choose the right words so you wouldn't feel offended. When we're in the writing world, it's harder because we can't see each other's faces. I assure you, Kelli meant no disrespect in her comments.

As for hair, I can empathize. For every three AA ladies who've told me our little girls' hair was fine, seems there's one who's upset because I didn't have it permed, didn't have cornrows or elaborate hairstyles in their hair. Frankly, I'm told by more than not, that their simply done hair is the way to go, KWIM?

I know you feel badly about how this stylist did your lovely baby's hair. But, as Kelli added, she's still so young, it'll grow. One of our babies came at 7.5months, and the foster parents obviously cut her hair (I swear they did)....and it seemed to take FOREVER to grow out....but it did. And, another CC mom--who's a really nice person, continually perms her very young little girl's hair........which I just can't agree with. But, to each his own, I guess.

The important thing is....you're taking the concern. You're not trying to make your beautiful baby into some CC baby (which I've seen some CC momma's do---more than once). Yuna's a beautiful baby girl. Hair cut or not, that's obvious! (((HUGS)))

Most Sincerely,

Linny