[dragonfly1234]

I have been doing alot of thinking lately. What lead us to adopt outside our race if you want to call it. I have to say it was never really something we as a family really felt was an issue for us because we live in a very diverse neighborhood.

But the questions for you all is what lead you all to a transracial adoption.....

Was it because a shorter wait time?

Because it was less money?

Did you feel a connection with a particular race/ethnicity?

Was it the community that you live in?

Do you feel that you are prepared for the various minority issues that day to day minorities deal with?

[loveajax]

My Dh and I really thought long and hard about this....At the end of the day, the reality is is that I kind of put in it God's hands, if that makes sense?

Oddly, we were matched with DD and the next day I got a call that we had been chosen by a birth mom who would be having a "fully cauc" (whatever that means) baby. I felt so CONVINCED that we were meant to adopt DD that I never thought "oh, wow, we can have a cauc baby!" So I guess for me it was a real moment of clarity that I really wanted to adopt a baby from a situation that seemed "right for us" as opposed to based on race.

I don't think I can be fully prepared ever to understand what it means to be black in America. But I try to do the best I can to be educated, expose her to positive role models, etc.

[aclee]

For my husband and I it was the research we did. We didn't find out till after we made our choice that it was cheaper. We read some articles that AA and biracial infants from the US were being adopted by Canadians. I came across the article by accident. We had actually been researching Ethipoia. I had thought about Ethipoia because I felt like that was a country that didn't do a ton of adoptions yet, and having an infant from Ethipoia was a real chance to make a difference in that child's life. When I realized there were AA and biracial infants here in America that were being adopted to couples outside the US for lack of interested families in the US I was sort of upset. Sort of like I get upset when organizations bring dogs into the US from outside countries when there are millions of dogs put to sleep here in the US. I am not against helping other countries with their problems. I know that compared to other countries our problems are minimal. I just like to try and help with in the US when possible. So we switched to a Domestic Adoption. I also don't travel well, so the travel overseas was going to be really tough on me.

Do I understand what it's like to be Black in America? I can only try since I have no experience... but also I believe that I am educated enough in parenting, to find and utilize resources and positive role models and we can support the growth and positive development of an AA or biracial child.

[ocracoke]

I adopted from Ethiopia.

Was it because a shorter wait time? Yes, that had something to do with it. It was not the deciding factor but I wanted to have a rough idea when it would be and I didn't want a really long referral wait period.

Because it was less money? Money was a huge factor in my adoption but not a factor in race at all. I felt like I got lucky that Ethiopia just happened to be cheaper then the countries that I eliminated.

Did you feel a connection with a particular race/ethnicity? That was one of the biggest factors in deciding which country. I was interested in learning about Ethiopia and the culture. I wanted to learn about the history, food, music.

Was it the community that you live in? I think it made it easier for me to pick Ethiopia since I live in a fairly large city that is 40% African American. But I think I would have come to the same conclusion without that.

Do you feel that you are prepared for the various minority issues that day to day minorities deal with? On my plane ride home an Ethiopian man turned to my mom and said "she has a lot to learn about parenting an Ethiopian child." He said it loud enough so that I heard it so I turned to him and said, "I have a lot to learn about parenting any child." And that has proved to be true. At this point I assume that I am not prepared to handle most things but I am prepared to learn how to handle most things.

Samantha

[jjlutefisk]

We sort of got started for the same reasons as aclee. We had a long talk about what our family was doing to change the world, besides writing a check at church. How can I tell someone that I don't think they should have an abortion if I'm not prepared to adopt a child? What am I doing about children in poverty and racism? We read a ton of books, watched families at the mall, talked to people. We didn't want to bring a child into an environment that wasn't going to be accepting of him or her. Plus, my best friend is a social worker and she was adopted from another country in the 70s so I have an inside person on what to do and not to do.

Our families have been extremely supportive as well as everyone we have encountered so far. Our daughter is only 7 months old right now. We are hoping to adopt another child next year so that our children will have each other to grow up with. We will have 4 kids then but we just didn't want our daughter to be "the black one" in our family.

Ok, this is really long.

[Yash]

With fost/adopt, I was open to race because I just wanted a baby now. I didn't care about skin color. With my international adoption, I always felt a pull to adopt from another country. I chose the country based on the requirements.

[akr9504]

My DH and I felt that domestic was the best for us. While doing research we found that AA infants were (then) the least desired. They actually had a diagram! CC, Asian, ......then AA. It broke our hearts. We are all geneticaly 99% the same anyway. We prayed about it and decided to do that. We then found out it was cheaper.

We are now waiting and it is killing us. Because we could not travel for a while we had to wait three long months to send out our books.

[Shadowfaerie]

We were open to any race, and because of this we were matched pretty fast. We also assumed we would be matched with an AA infant and we were. There was no cost difference for our agency, but yes for us "time" was a factor. We started the adoption process when we did because we wanted a baby in the near future.

[mimosasprings]

I find the original question offensive. Most of the worlds' population is composed of people of color, so what do you mean by "minority"? What do you mean by "day to day minority"? Is there a class of people you refer to as "occasional minority." If you don't "get" my coments, I can recommend a wonderful book. It is called "Why Are All the Black Children Sitting Together in the Cafeteria" by Beverly Daniel Tatum, who is the President of Spelman College.

[dragonfly1234]

mimosasprings....What question specifically do you find offensive? None of these questions were meant to be offensive so if you could elaborate I would love to see how I can explain my opinion.

I for one cannot have enough reading material to help educate myself and dh. Thank you for the material.

We are hear to discuss not attack people and their thoughts and opinions. Please keep that in mind.

Thank you!

[SHD]

For me it was a matter of comfort. I am extremely comfortable around AA people. I feel accepted and am generally happier.

I don't know if I have just surrounded myself with a bunch of negative individuals in the past but my own family places demands on how they think I should look, dress, act and accept situations. I married a guy that put demands on how I should look, dress, act and accept situations. Once I shed the extra weight of their issues I began looking for people I had something in common with. Now my world is totally diverse and I'm much happier. It only made sense that any child that came into my life be just as diverse.

I didn't realize that an AA/BR/MR adoption was cheaper or less wait time. Both of these worked out to my advantage.

My Bfriend is AA so we have had our share of racial injustices towards us but have handled them fine. I feel that there will be times when my DD runs into her own injustices that I can't imagine but he is definitely there for her so therefore she will have someone to relate with on any problems. God willing there will be none but I must be a realist.

Very thought provoking question.

Helayne

[rredhead]

Originally Posted by dragonfly1234

I have been doing alot of thinking lately. What lead us to adopt outside our race if you want to call it. I have to say it was never really something we as a family really felt was an issue for us because we live in a very diverse neighborhood.

We - OK, I - initially wanted to adopt from Russia. I am part Lithuanian. When we found that the Russian travel requirements were not compatible with my health issues, we looked for countries that would escort. The one we - again, I - liked best was Ethiopia. So I was reading up on that, and making sure DH was OK with adopting transracially, when he said, "Umm... if we're going to adopt a black baby, can't we do that here?"
So we went to domestic, transracial adoption. Our decision was based on the fact that we wanted to be parents, and it didn't matter to us if our child looks like us. We live in CA in a diverse area, and DH's aunt and uncle are a bi-racial couple with children.

Originally Posted by dragonfly1234

Was it because a shorter wait time?

The shorter wait was attractive. However, we were first "matched" with someone having a CC boy. I know I was a little disappointed with that idea, having spent so much time learning about transracial adoption. It didn't work out, and we got Jack, who is black & white.

Originally Posted by dragonfly1234

Because it was less money?

This always bugs me. It is NOT necessarily true that black children cost less to adopt. We spent $33K on our adoption (and yes, we're still in debt - our agency was not forthcoming with their fees until we were in another state and then it became, oh, you need to pay for this and this and ... anyway).

Originally Posted by dragonfly1234

Did you feel a connection with a particular race/ethnicity?

We put black higher on the list (we had to rank our top 3 choices *sigh*) than any other race because of DH's aunt & uncle.

Originally Posted by dragonfly1234

Do you feel that you are prepared for the various minority issues that day to day minorities deal with?

I feel like I have the right tools to be prepared. As Jack's only 20 months, we're not really dealing with too much in the way of racial issues. In CA, everyone is mixed - we're the only white people on our block! I think we miss out on a lot of the cluelessness that people in more homogenous areas experience. I'm sure we'll run into some issues, but we're open to learning.

Good questions!

[arkansas parent]

We adopted our son from foster care. We had been told that there are more AA children waiting for homes, so the wait is shorter. We were matched with our son (AA/CC) the day our homestudy was approved.

[joelynn]

We adopted transracially basically because of the time factor...quicker to get the baby of our dreams...we didn't care if the baby was purple with polka dots. The second adoption we chose to be specific about gender and race...we wanted another hispanic baby so our son would have someone to relate to inside the family circle if that makes sense? We wanted a girl after having 2 boys (1 bio & 1 adopted). Yet we would have accepted whatever we were matched with. We got our girl to finish our family.

[MamaKerry]

I can't imagine why mimosasprings thinks this is an offensive quesiton, although I'd like to hear more from her about that. I would agree, however, that the word "minority" is problematic, for a lot of reasons. I'd substitute people or babies of color.

My answer to these questions is a bit long. I grew up in rural Maine where almost everyone was white. When I was about 12 I found myself helping to care for an AA baby who had been adopted by a white Mom. Aside from my brother, I thought he was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. I guess this experience left a lasting impression on me, although one that is problematic--I had never touched a Black person before, or felt their hair, and as a child I wasn't equipped to understand how complicated this was, or how race relations and racism had shaped my white community, etc.

Fast forward 10 or so years, and I was in NYC working at homeless shelter for women and children. Most of the women there were Black, although there were many Latinas who were not. I grew to love some of these women, and I heard some of the worst stories of poverty, domestic violence, rape, etc. that exist in the U.S. Some of the women had thought about placing their babies, and I started to fantasize about adopting one--and staying in contact with the birthfamily. I didn't know about open adoption at the time, but I envisioned it as a way to ease the birthmother's pain and keep the baby connected to their heritage. I thought it would be better for everyone.

About 8 years later my partner and I were ready to pursue adoption. We were initially open to any race, and then I saw an adoption agency's website and saw that there were something like 5 families open to AA babies, 10 for biracial (Black/white) babies, a few more for Hispanic Babies, more for Asian, and 80 something for white babies. I cried. I'm a sociologist and I study race. Racism was not a surprise, but somehow the numbers really affected me. We searched out and found an agency that placed only children of color, and we decided that we would try to adopt an AA baby, both because of these numbers and because I had a deeper connection to the African American community.

We didn't know until pursuing our second adoption that many agencies have lower fees for AA babies. I find this repulsive. All agencies should have sliding scales, so that money is never (or at least less often) a reason that families cannot adopt--especially that African American families cannot adopt. Both of our home agencies have sliding scales.

We are now waiting for our second AA baby. Hopefully he/she will be here soon! I have to admit that we've been waiting a long time and have considered agencies with differential fees. Still a disgusting practice, but we will do whatever it takes, at this point, to find our baby and bring him/her home.