[kimmom]

OT but I just realized that I spelled hear H E R E, I dont know why but I really do know the difference! I'm so embarrassed!!!

[traceyk]

Congrats!!!!!!! You must be going crazy, I remember the high after hearing the news. We couldn't sleep so we went to the airport like 4 hours early just so we felt like we were doing something productive. We cosleep still so we lived for the morning showers for almost 2 years *LOL* But at least now she is in her bed up against ours so we have our space without disturbing her and she is still at arm reach

[dt_78]

The 10 wait has begun! And yes I am going crazy. She made it to the caring home today and we have spoken with the Caring "mom". She sent us pictures, and she absolutely beautiful. The birthmom was released from the hospital as well today. We are hoping to have a conference call with her sometime next week, and then meet when we go down to get the baby. Wow, 10 days has never seemed so long!!

I was wondering if anyone of you had a hard time calling the baby yours during the wait. I'm having a hard time doing this, or even calling her by the name we had picked out if we had a daughter. I am just afraid that the birthmom will change her mind and then it will be harder. Am I crazy???

Thanks everyone for your prayers and well wishes.

DT

[Linny]

I've seen this, and have experienced it too to some degree. IMO, I wouldn't call this baby 'ours' or 'mine' until that time for possible change of mind is 'up'.
This may sound cruel to some, but I've found it merely a way to protect my heart in times like these. I've also seen far too many folks end up broken hearted because they felt that just because the baby was in cradle care, the baby was 'theirs'.
Until the baby is 'free and clear to adopt'.....I'm sorry to remind that it's still a situation 'up in the air'. Once that time frame has passed, it's all celebration for you to name, call, etc......
I hope I'm not offending you. I only hope this time passes quickly and the decision is a good one for you.
My best to you....

Sincerely,

Linny

[StorkWatcher]

DT - CONGRATS!

I can appreciate Linny's advice - I know that is how many people cope with this crazy waiting period.

For me, I wasn't able to do that or protect my heart. I just kept thinking, "If we do adopt this baby, would I want to have missed the first 2 weeks NOT letting my heart and mind attached?"

And with our first call, we ended up with a failed match. I'd spent two weeks thinking of two tiny babies who were hopefully going to be "mine".

To me, it was worth risking the heartbreak and not missing out on special days of thinking about them, preparing myself to bond with them. Even after the fact, I did what felt right to me. Their mom decided to parent them, and while we were so upset, it was okay. It was just meant to be that way.

When we got the second call, we tried not to get overly excited, but once again, I didn't want to miss out on even a day's worth of those mom feelings, so I let my heart go. And when I held my son for the first time in my arms the next day, I was already filled with so many hours' worth of time anticipating that moment, and loving him before I even saw him!

I think you should do what feels right to you! Good luck. I cannot wait to read your updates!!!

[123diamond123]

I am excited for you and your family. I was born on the 7th of April, and my bio daughter was born on the 9th of April.....

congrats

[dt_78]

I juts wanted to update everyone to what was going on, and perhaps get some advice.

We got a call today that the birth father had changed his mind. He signed surrenders on Tuesday and sent the letter on Wednesday. In the letter he said he had discussed this with the PBM and she was in agreement and to please hurry to get the baby bakc to her. He is currently in jail at the moment and will be for the next several months. The PBM has not called the agency or the case worker, nor has she sent a letter stating her wishes to revoke surrenders, which she would need to do. The case worker has said that under the state law, he has to be able to parent himself if she does not change her mind. The agency said that his rights could still be terminated.

So we wait longer...They do not want us coming down until after Wednesday. The PBM's revocation period is up on Monday. If she does not send a letter post marked by Monday then her time is up. The agency wants us to wait until Wednesday, because if she just sends a letter and does not call, that is probably the latest they would have it since the PBM leaves only 30 minutes away.

We are so confused. Have any of you had an experience like this one where the birthdads rights had to be terminated because he was in jail? My heart is breaking. Even though I had tried to protect myself I still feel the potential loss. What are we going to do until Wednesday!!!

Any advice or prayers would be great. That is pretty much all we can do for the moment.

Thanks for listening.

DT

[jennmomtothree]

Oh, DT, I wish I had some advice for you. But I don't.

It's hard to know what might be going on behind the scenes. Maybe their relationship is still sound and they are considering raising the child together. And if that happened, that would be so very sad for you. But various members of this group have experienced this, and we'll help you get through.

But, maybe BF has spoken with birthmom, but their relationship isn't on such good terms...so birthmom promised that she'd go along with what he wanted (I have no idea what their relationship is like - could be a result of fear, who knows?), with no intent to send in papers to that effect. In that case, it'd be quite possible that this child could still be yours, even if there might be more legal work involved...

Please do keep us updated. I wish all the best for you...and that if the unfortunate should happen, I'll do all I can to support you, and I know that others here will, too.

[joskids]

I know this is going to be a difficult time for you. Not knowing is so difficult because you keep your heart open but then the conflict. I'm still praying that all goes well for you and will continue to do so. Best wishes and know there are those here who are here to listen when you need a kind ear.

[Linny]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please know that I've said a prayer and will keep you in thought as well until such time as you know for sure one way or another.
I'm still hoping this wee one will be able to have a family with you; but as Joskids has said, know that we're here to listen and read if/when you need support.
(((BIG HUGS TO YOU)))

Most Sincerely,

Linny

[lareyna]

I also wanted to send a big hug your way and I pray that it all works out for your family.

[dt_78]

Thanks everyone for your support, prayers, and hugs The PBM time was up last night. They still have not heard from her or received a letter. They said if she sent a letter yesterday they should have it by no later then Wednesday. The BF has sent another letter. This time there was no mention of the birthmom being in agreement. We are not sure what this means. It also looks as if he will be in jail for longer then a few more months. At this point we are still waiting. I think it is getting a little easier. Since they have not heard from the birthmom it looks a little more positive then it did last Thursday. I know we are not out of the woods yet, but at least I can see the light.

I will let you all know if we hear anything else.

DT

[joskids]

praying for you and for baby girl.

[SHD]

My heart and prayers go out to you.

Helayne

[Linny]

Still hoping for the best for you and this wee one, DT!!! Just let us know.... (((HUG)))

Sincerely,

Linny